AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

[BackAche21]

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

Oh and when my ds was 4, we had to see dietician every 3 months, to make sure he was getting enough nutrients with his limited diet, with all the record of what he was having every single day. So children with allergy is nothing easy to manage.(Plus extra expensive free from stuff to buy!)

I can completely understand why he doesn't want to take time off (I'm a teacher too), but I do think he's being unreasonable not to ask in this situation. Will he expect you to be the one to take all the days off for dc when you are back in work? I think he's got used to having a Sah partner and never having childcare issues impinge on his work.

Your DH needs to have a plan to present to the HT to help him/her say yes to the day off. E.g "I cannot come to work on the 3rd because (talk up seriousness of hospital appointment, my wife is completely unavailable that day etc, a parent has to be present, potentially life threatening etc) but I can run two extra revision classes on the 7 th and 8 th after school for my AS classes. I will let parents know and make all the necessary arrangements. I will leave work for them to do on the 3rd."

Never go to your HT with a problem without also giving them a solution that is reasonable and let's them say yes to want you want.

My parents were teachers and used to take time off' bears no relevance I'm afraid, nor the perspective of anyone working in complacent independent schools (like my DH) where there is still some human common sense and flexibility.

I really don't think it is harder today than when people's parents were teachers. When my mother was a teacher, parents had absolutely no rights to take parental leave under any circumstance including emergencies.

We rearrange hospital allergy appts all the time. We both work full time. Could you ask the hospital to rearrange for sometime during the school holidays?

I'm a teacher. I left work early yesterday to take my son to a golf tournament. Next week I'm popping out for an hour to go to his class assembly. Next month I've got a day off to take my daughter to a very important xray check up

Fuck me. I'd be bloody irritated if you were my dcs teacher.

but I don't get paid to neglect my own kids in favour of yours

Charming. You don't sound in the slightest bit dedicated.

so you think teachers should care more about the kids they teach than their own kids Wanky? Seriously?

I'm pretty bloody dedicated but in an emergency, my kids come first.

That's very harsh, WCDM.

I see no problem teacher taking days off taking their children to golf tournament, Wanky. In this OP's case, it's different because the OP's DH find it difficult to take day off so close to exam period for non emergency , which seems very admirable from parent's point of view. But in other circumstances, taking days off should be his priority.

Another teacher here. I think YABU, I would never dream of taking a day off for this, in fact I managed to rearrange an allergy appointment for my son so that he was able to have it during school holiday time. Also no way would my head give me time off for this, especially this time of the year. Sorry OP totally with your DH on this one.

Going to your child's assembly is not an emergency. I've worked full time for years and have missed lots.

Another teacher here. I can see both points of view.
I'd get the day unpaid but I like the idea of offering extra sessions to cover the missed ones. I'm amazed that some people are saying to rearrange the interview - maybe because in teaching that's unfeasible, you just wouldn't get a chance tho rearrange.
Also fascinated that people are suggesting a 4 year old going to a hospital for a full days appointment could go with a friend of the family!

WDCM, the poster you selectively quoted was talking about the health if her children, not gojng to an assembly - here's the context you omitted:

The idea that your kids should always come before their children and their health is simply ludicrous. I am a dedicated teacher, but I don't get paid to neglect my own kids in favour of yours.

Most schools will give upto 5 days of leave at discretion. Teachers are also parents and have responsibility too.

I bet the parents who complain about the teacher taking a day off are the ones who often snatch an extra day of holiday here and there for their kids.

If the yr12s aren't pretty much ready for exams by now, one lesson without the usual teacher isn't going to make a difference...

Teacher's do not have the luxury of choosing or negotiating their holidays, the compensation is they get lots more than other jobs - that is the way it works. Of course emergencies and sickness happen, in this case it depends upon what the circumstance are and if they are unavoidable, I think children's assemblies, sporting events etc are not an emergency and unless accommodated in predation/free periods or by swapping with others are not a reason to have time off

As a teacher I say YANBU. I've seem a few things on here about teachers not possibly being able to the time off. I have several exam classes, y11 and 6th form, but if my kids need me, they need me. I do what I can to avoid it but being a teacher is not completely different to all other jobs as some people seem to think, it's still just a job! Is 1 lesson without a teacher really going to affect y12 results that much? They can use the time to revise by themselves and if he really feels bad he can put on an extra lunch or after school session. At this stage students should have their own revision plans in place, it's not all down to the teacher!

Of course teachers can take time off! Just not on a whim.
As a parent, he is entitled to time off to take his child to a hospital consultant appointment. Making it easier for the school and students is a courtesy and a goodwill gesture (arranging internal cover for his exam classes, etc).
He asks the head teacher through the formal procedure (check with line manager or HR), it gets approved with or without pay (and if it were without, you should be raising an eyebrow and checking what other staff are taking time off for), and everything is above board.
His Y12s can be told in advance, set work that he will mark at home/email to them, etc so they don't miss out. This is totally reasonable.
I suspect he doesn't want to ask because he knows there is an alternative I.e. You.

I am HoD (core subject) with y12 (and Y13 and Y11!) and I care very, very deeply about my students and my department. However, my child has a consultant's appointment in a couple of weeks and I will be taking it off as is my right. As a dedicated teacher and middle management, I will both minimise the impact on my exam class by reorganising my teaching in the weeks leading up to it so that they will sit a past paper that lesson which I will mark at home and use for the next lesson, and set a good example to the rest of my team that this is how we balance our different responsibilities.

I am guessing that if you were a teacher, OP, he would be expecting you to take the day off! Make him ask. Good luck at your interview x

I like your comment about setting 'a good example' to the rest of the department DarkRoots. Happy teachers are better teachers in my opinion and being able to take time to be there for your family without being made to feel guilty is very important for that.

Darkroots, that's the most sensible post on the thread.

Those who say the Y11 etc will not suffer entirely missi the point that the classes need to have a teacher in the classroom - and that teacher has to be paid.
Who should pay then? The DH's pay and also the other teacher covering?
Perhaps the DH could suggest that he takes the day unpaid and also pays the difference to get in a supply teacher to cover his lessons?
Because the school has to pay someone - the classes cannot be left alone, even if no-one is bothered about them actually learning anything in that time or needing explanation or can revise sensibly without a teacher present is adding no value anyway .why are they even in school still - send them on study leave early.
Emergencies cannot be helped, but planned and avoidable absences are a different matter.
Of course, what the OP should be logically doing is supporting the gvt and campaigning for a 7 day NHS - that would solve hers, and others' problems at a stroke...

This absence is only avoidable if the allergy testing can be rescheduled. Which is dependent on clinic availability etc. Even a 7 day NHS wouldn't be able to put appointments at weekends for all who wanted them.

This isn't an absence so that one of them can take the DS to Alton towers.