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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that DH - a teacher - could take a day off work?

460 replies

BackAche21 · 28/04/2016 12:46

I have been a SAHM for 2 yrs after redundancy and now I have got myself a job interview, which happens to fall on the day that DS (4) has an allergy challenge in hospital. DH says he can't take the day off teaching as his Y12s are close to AS exams, and he is head of department so it looks bad, plus notoriously stingy Headteacher may not give permission. But aside from permission (there were sickies in my day) he doesn't even want to ask. I don't know what solution he thinks is possible.

I am already asking the hospital if they can change the date - but we've already changed it once owing to DS being unwell - and they might not let us change it again. It won't be an option to ask potential employer to change the date as they have a whole load of obstacles lined up for candidates on the day, involving meeting other people too.

IMHO it puts me in an impossible situation as I don't think anyone other than a parent can really do the hospital gig, and our family needs me to get a job. before redundancy all sick children etc fell to me to take time off work, and I feel like he's just staking this ground again - his teaching time is untouchable. Makes me mad, but AIBU?

OP posts:
squidgyapple · 29/04/2016 16:40

could you ask for the job interview date to be changed? They might be perfectly able to accommodate this.

Greenfinger555 · 29/04/2016 16:44

He needs to ask and make a real case to get the day- yes, the single day, off. Parents who say they wouldn't be happy if their child's teacher took a day off need to consider how they would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. You cannot change your interview date and nor can the hospital appointment be changed again so it's a no-brainer. As a teacher and a parent who tends to get the responsibility for all things child-related I totally feel for you. Good luck in your interview.

NaomiCole · 29/04/2016 17:01

I'm a teacher. I left work early yesterday to take my son to a golf tournament. Next week I'm popping out for an hour to go to his class assembly. Next month I've got a day off to take my daughter to a very important xray check up.

Point is, you work so you can live, not the other way round.

What do the school do when he has PPA? Cant he just swap hos PPA day?

Originalfoogirl · 29/04/2016 17:07

It's hard for teachers to take time off, I'm sure if my OH was a teacher, I'd accept that sick days, hospital appointments would fall to me.

I'm also wondering why the interview was accepted on a hospital appointment day. I'm currently recruiting for a job and in every case, every single one, we are given the days the candidate is available and we arrange an interview around that. Frankly, if an employer set a date and time for an interview without checking if it was suitable, that's not someone I want to work for. Similarly, if an employer refused to hire me because I changed an interview time due to family issues, I wouldn't want to work for them because employers have to accept it will happen.

If the hospital date was set after the interview date, there is no way they would refuse to re-arrange. Our daughter has dozens of hospital appointments, we've rearranged plenty of them, sometimes more than once.

I don't think this is a case of "me man my job important". To me it's more a case of, "me teacher, getting days off not easy, new job needs to fit in with that". People say it is all about being in a partnership and to me, that works both ways. My husband can be away for work at short notice, his planned days off are frequently cancelled to deal with emergencies and we usually set up appointments for those days. When I have to leave work to deal with those appointments, I don't see it as his job being more important than mine, I see it me accepting an emergency in his work is more important than the stuff I'm doing on that day. There are certain times of the year he is less likely to get time off and it does look bad for him to ask.

MapMyMum · 29/04/2016 17:11

I dont see why getting another hospital appointment is such an issue? People cancel and rearrrange all the time. They wont be keeping tabs on who rearranges and not let those people get another appointment...thats not how it works. They will get annoyed with those that are no shows.

Also getting time off as a teacher is really not an easy thing, especially close to exams. This needs to be sorted out before you get another job because that is what happens when youre married to a teacher tbh - they cannot just take days off during term time. He isnt BU and I can see why youre annoyed but really teaching isnt like any other job so Im afraid you just have to put up with it being like this.

Phone the hospital and rearrange...

Cocacolaandchocolate · 29/04/2016 17:12

Cat and squidgy,
I suggested the same and was told I was naive. Hmm
Hope you got things sorted op

clam · 29/04/2016 17:13

Well, I'm a teacher too, and our HT is very reasonable about granting time off for medical appointments/funerals/children's nativities and so forth. She firmly believes it's vital to staff morale and I agree with her.

My daughter is about to do A' Levels at an Outstanding Academy and she quite frequently reports that her teachers haven't been at lessons for various reasons.

So, it can be done.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 29/04/2016 17:16

The advantage you have with a teacher partner is that there will always be someone to cover school hols ( really tough for other working parents) and that you can arrange non-urgent stuff, hospitals/dental appts for school hols, which is in any case better for the child.

Rainuntilseptember · 29/04/2016 17:21

Noble, that'll be the case in England I'm guessing, I work elsewhere in the UK.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 29/04/2016 17:24

And the reality in teaching is that budgets for schools are really being straitened, so the lovely Heads will find themselves having to be not quite so lovely.
I speak a lot to Cover Managers who have the headache of dealing with this and juggling the conflicting wants of teachers who ask for time off and teachers who don't want to give up their precious fee periods to cover those who want the time off...
Because someone has to cover it , and either it costs another teacher's time, or it costs actual - you know - money. Which schools have less of.
One Cover Manager told me last week that they have change the procedure in his school whereby a teacher till now has asked the HoD or Line Manager for time off, to them now asking Cover Manager, in order to minimise the need for supply staff. So this type of request might now well be refused, if cannot be covered in house, whereas before might have been granted.

peacheshoney · 29/04/2016 17:26

It seems that the DHs job is what keeps a roof over the family's heads and food on their table.
Reschedule apt or interview

Rainuntilseptember · 29/04/2016 17:38
EvilTwins · 29/04/2016 17:46

Naomi - PPA works differently in secondary.

MiniMover · 29/04/2016 17:57

It would be ridiculous to refuse this. And any HT who does must be happily willing to accept a high staff turnover.

If the only option was for me to take my child as my spouse absolutely could not (on that one occasion) and the app could not be rearranged then if my HT refused such a request I would hand my notice in on the last possible day that term. Mostly the non teaching parent would cover such things but there will be times where this just isn't possible meaning the teaching parent needs to step up.

EvilTwins · 29/04/2016 18:00

It's part and parcel of being a teacher. You don't want to miss teaching exam classes. The students rely on you. Planning is done to make the most of every minute. I sympathise with the OP's DH. At this time of year, nothing short of a medical emergency would keep me away from school. My HT would probably OK it, but I wouldn't want to.

MapMyMum · 29/04/2016 18:06

Just to add - some have suggested that if dhs request for a day off is refused that he should pull a sickie- Im sorry but his bosses are not stupid, they will know he is not sick and he could get into trouble

clam · 29/04/2016 18:15

It's part and parcel of being a teacher.

Not necessarily. We're not as indispensable as we like to think, maybe.

kezzy13 · 29/04/2016 18:36

My mum's a TA and she told me she couldn't get a day off to come to my wedding!

4yoniD · 29/04/2016 18:53

Teachers have to have time off at some point. Both my parents were teachers and left me (around 9?) in hospital to have my tonsils out. 'Course when I had internal bleeding and my heart stopped they had a rather shocking phone call and mum had to abandon her class to come in - to sign for me to have a blood transfusion if nothing else. Would have been easier if she had sorted a supply teacher in advance!

clam · 29/04/2016 18:53

My view is that with the profession haemorrhaging teachers left, right and centre, it's this sort of pettiness that can be the final nail in the coffin for some people.

Armi · 29/04/2016 18:54

Plenty of moaning on Mumsnet about kids not being allowed time off in term time. Interesting that people then struggle to cope with the idea that teachers are also required to be there all the time.

Everything is so results orientated these days, and it's easy to discover your card has been marked by SLT for something you felt was innocuous, I wouldn't be taking a day off this close to exams.

user789653241 · 29/04/2016 18:56

Severer the allergy, this situation with hospital goes on longer. So I really think OP should sort out what to do with appointments in the future when she works full time.
My ds has allergy test every year, and appointment with dietician and dermatologist.
If dc has multiple allergies, they have to do food challenges several times, one allergen at a time. Also my ds failed it , with some moderate, some minor( reaction came after 24 hours, with rash and diarrhea) result, which means he will be sick for few days afterwards.

After 4 years in same school, I still receive panicked phone call from school that my ds has a rash, etc.( He is allergic to pollen, dust mite, animals, etc. so it's quite difficult to avoid.)
Unless it's a minor allergy, and dc out grow it easily, it will be long term.

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 29/04/2016 18:59

I have had to put in a leave of absence on more than one occasion as both dc gave had several medical appointments in the last few years. I have never been refused and have always been paid. I am a teacher and to be honest, if AS students should be prepared enough that a 1 day absence shouldn't make a big difference.

FourOnTheHill · 29/04/2016 19:22

I think some of the answers you get will be misleading OP. The teaching profession has changed dramatically in recent years particularly in the state sector and it may be that he would be putting his job on the line asking for a day off. 'My parents were teachers and used to take time off' bears no relevance I'm afraid, nor the perspective of anyone working in complacent independent schools (like my DH) where there is still some human common sense and flexibility. Where DH used to work, in the state sector there was no way he could have asked for time off. He was working all evening every evening and a full day each weekend, plus most if not all of the holidays. A day off would have been suicide.

clam · 29/04/2016 19:25

The teaching profession has changed dramatically in recent years particularly in the state sector and it may be that he would be putting his job on the line asking for a day off.
Yes, the main change being that they'd be pretty hard-pressed to find anyone to replace him with! Most areas of the country are facing a massive recruitment crisis.