re widowed MIL and wedding ring?

[lulucappuccino]

FIL died (relatively young) three weeks ago, after a long illness. MIL isn't a particularly warm person, but they had a long, good marriage.

I noticed that that she's not wearing her wedding ring (not a one-off, it's been several occasions).

She's definitely not on the lookout for another man.

I haven't mentioned this to DH.

I think it's odd. It's absolutely up to her though, of course. Her marriage. Her grief. Her finger!

Just seems a bit odd. I'm being unreasonable to think that though, aren't I?

And you dare to call her not particularly warm

Go look in a mirror, OP.

I really hope your MIL has some proper support from loving family and friends who will have her back instead of judging her. I wouldn't have made it through my grief without an amazing family who were, and are, there for me every step of the way. I feel really sad for your MIL.

Maybe it's too painful to look at at the moment? Or she is wearing his and hers on a chain? Or it went in the coffin?
Ask her as you are so warm and fluffy.

My Mum took hers off after Step Df died. She only wore it about 6 months after the funeral. She gave it to me I wear it on my right hand.
She said, well it says till death do us part in the ring hand over bit of the wedding.
It's been nearly 10 years and she's just started seeing someone, she wasn't interested at all it just happened.

Yabu

You have no idea how she feels, and how she is coping. She needs to do whatever she needs to do to get her though.

YABU leave her to grieve in her own way

Horrible thread, horrible op.

Leave her alone to grieve in her own way, poor woman.

My mum has been widowed 10 years and still wears her rings. My ex mil has been widowed 10 years and took her rings off straight away because she was worried it would get harder and harder to make that decision as time went on.

Grief affects everyone differently, it's not rational. To speculate is cruel and says more about you than her. Where is your understanding?

My mum put her wedding ring in my dads little finger just before his casket was closed. She never wore any of engagement or eternity rings after dad died. None of us questioned her, why would we?

I've been married 30 years and don't wear my wedding ring that often. It doesn't mean I don't adore DH. A ring is a symbol of marriage, it suddenly doesn't become stuck to your finger as soon as you say your vows!

What an awful thread about someone who is grieving btw. Poor woman.

I don't really understand why people are getting so het up about this, it was a mere speculation.

It could be for any number of reasons, there's probably no harm in mentioning it to your husband, just don't mention it to her

After DH died, I had an eternity ring made from his wedding ring and mine. I wear it a lot, and it's a private way of thinking about DH. Leave your MIL be - whatever way she is managing to get through the days, that's just fine.

My mum stopped wearing her wedding ring a few months after DF died. She said she felt depressed every time she looked at it, it reminded her of what she'd lost.

Fucking hell, this woman has just lost her husband and you are bothered she isn't wearing her wedding ring?

What exactly has it got to do with you?

You said you haven't mentioned it to dh, but why would you?

There are lots of reasons she may not be wearing it. None of them have anything to do with you.

MaybeLater4

No, she didn't just speculate. She called it odd. Twice.
Goodness knows what she'd think about some of my behaviour in the weeks after DH died.

Thankfully my family have human compassion. Like most people in this thread.

If my husband had mentioned speculation about something like this after my Dad died it would have done a great deal of harm as it would have made me very angry towards him for prioritising that over being supportive to someone in grief. Given how many people are het up about this there is a big possibility lulucappuchino's husband might have a similar opinion as many of the rest of us. Is the question so important as to take the risk that instead of getting answers you'll be putting negative ideas into a loved ones head about yourself instead? I'd forget all about it and focus on something more productive.

I don't really understand why people are getting so het up about this, it was a mere speculation.

And that statement alone really does say a lot about you.

I'm a rip the plaster off type of person.

I took my wedding rings off the day after me and stxdh decided to separate and I deleted my mum's number off my mobile the day after she died because I knew if I left it, it would only get harder. Turns out that her husband started using that phone so it's just as well I did because I would have fainted clean away if her number had come up with her name when he rang me!

I think the decision to remove/keep on a wedding ring is deeply personal. Your MIL is doing what feels right for her at the moment. I'd stay well out of it if I were you.

Ha! I thought I was BU!
I'm not bothered about MIL either way - like or dislike. She's ok. Bit odd. Nothing too bad about her though.

Btw she has masses of support. Six children and plenty of friends and neighbours.

You really needed MN that it's none of your business?

Btw she has masses of support. Six children and plenty of friends and neighbours.

Righty ho. And one odd dil it would seem.

You sound full to the brim with compassion OP.
I hope your poor Mil knows what she's up against.

She's ok. Bit odd.

SHE'S odd? Ok.

Lulu, I don't know if you are aware of the 5 stages of grief? My MIL got stuck in anger very soon after FIL died ; the way that people grieve is very personal to them.

She's had a huge amount of support over the years from me. As we live nearest to her, we've been carers for FIL. I certainly don't feel any guilt in that respect.