It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

another thought - if half your guests are travelling 300 miles from where your DP's family is from, and you can't find your dream wedding near Edinburgh, would you be able to find a dream location near your DP's family and have the other half of the guests travelling? Might be a 'no' but if you really can't find something you like near Edinburgh and it's not like all your guests will be local, it doesn't seem any 'cheekier' to hold the wedding near half the guests.... (or somewhere completely between the two!)

OP, at the end of the day, the people who really want to see you get married will be there, silly rules or no silly rules. A couple of PP have been sniffy about the £10 a month thing I mentioned upthread but I was just trying to show that people have time to budget for it.

but its not just the hotel room that needs to be budgeted for, its also the travelling costs, the outfit etc
and i dont think if i were going to a wedding at gleneagles as a guest i could get away with wearing a 10quid dress from primark

so your 10 per month has suddenly increased to say 50quid a month which for me and others makes things a bit tight

OP, at the end of the day, the people who really want to see you get married will be there, silly rules or no silly rules. A couple of PP have been sniffy about the £10 a month thing I mentioned upthread but I was just trying to show that people have time to budget for it.

I disagree. It's like saying "if you love me enough, you'll cough up". Even if people save £10 a month, they'd only have £180. Factor in travel, drinks, outfits and £180 isn't going to cover it. The OP has said that around half the guests have to travel 300 miles to attend.

Also- why should they save to attend a wedding? Why should a wedding cost so much just because the bride wants THAT venue? Plus she would be telling you MUST stay, but it's OK, no gifts. That's kind of suggesting your gift will be the £150 room cost.

Anyway, the OP has, to be fair, suggested that she will reconsider.

OP, at the end of the day, the people who really want to see you get married will be there, silly rules or no silly rules.

But it's not just about the money. As I have mentioned before about a previous wedding with these rules, there are often medical, family or work commitments that mean people CANNOT stay overnight, even if they could afford it. As I also said, in this case, elderly close relatives of the couple did not want to stay anywhere overnight, and simply wanted to drive home to their own homes afterwards where they would be more comfortable. They were refused entry to the wedding because there was NOT a reservation in their name at the hotel. And they VERY MUCH wanted to attend the wedding itself and were unable to.

Someone suggested upthread that the OP and her H2B have a weekend at Gleneagles and then plan the wedding for an alternative venue - I think that's a great suggestion and probably hugely cheaper as well.

Thing is OP if you change the venue then you'll probably save thousands. Most couples getting married don't have to pay for half of their guest's room costs as guests will have a choice of accommodation in the area to suit their budget from star hotel, Air BnB to sleeping on a friend/relatives floor.

Therefore look at how much these other venues cost compared to Gleneagles. Also beware with the Gleneagles option that if the rooms don't get let out you're the ones footing the bill. There was a thread about a B2B in exactly that situation a few months ago and it wasn't pretty. I can see if I can find it.

Here's the thread where the B2B has booked the location where they also have to pay for all the rooms. I was a bit nicer to her because it was already too late as everything booked, but you have the opportunity to avoid this, so do !

This is a venue I'm very familiar with - in fact I've always dreamed that my kids might get married there. (Obviously

Thinking about it - one of the reasons Gleneagles may have this rule is that it doesn't want loads taxis arriving throughout the night to take people elsewhere. In terms of people saying it's unreasonable - I guess it doesn't stop many many people getting married there every year. But I guess they just pay for everyone's accommodation!

Op - when do you think your guests would be using the spa and golf?

I just can't see when they'd have time.

Gin several of us have asked how your guests would fit in going to spa/playing golf. Have you worked out a rough timetable for when it would all happen? Guests can't check in until 3pm so would they be able to use the spa before checking in? Assuming you're marrying at 5pm that gives less than 2 hrs to use the facilities and get into their finery if they can't.

A pp who'd been to a wedding there said it wasn't possible to fit in spa/golf with only a one night stay. If nobody uses the spa or plays golf because of a lack of time how does that impact on your vision of the day?

The plan was for us and a group of close family friends to go the night before or early on the day. They are happy doing that. Also you can leave bags with concierge and use facilities until room is ready with no problem.

Gin, so the benefit of golf and spa is really only for a few of you?

I'd separate Gleneagles and wedding really. A fun weekend for a few of you with a totally separate wedding.

This thread has made me think that the marketing guys at Gleneagles are genius. We have a premium destination that has plenty of facilities - room for hotel guests, golfers, day trippers and conference guests. We can make some good profit on weddings - people will be happy to pay a bit more because it's such a prestigious location. Get them round for an amazing experience, stay a night or have a meal and meet our lovely wedding planners - really get them convinced that this is the only destination they can consider because of all the 'extras' we can show them. Then once they are sold on it, worked out dates and affordability we can add in an extra 175ish per head charge by insisting that all guests must be resident. Because we have convinced them how special the place is - most will pay it and it's easy profit. Either they can afford anyway or they will figure out a way to pay it - gift from parents, take a loan or pass on to guests - the hotel doesn't care. (Also it's a good way to fill up those rooms that they can't offer to full paying guests)
At the end of the day it's just about making profit and this residents rule is a genius one that takes advantage of the craziness that surrounds weddings...

Gleneagles hasn't always had the policy , I've been there for a wedding and not of the guests stayed.
To be perfectly honest it wouldn't be a place I'd choose as a venue for a wedding OP. It isn't very personal . There were golfers and leisure break people taking snaps of the bridal party whilst they were being photographed in the gardens and even inside it other guests were milling about with phones.
Maybe you are keen on the pap experience ???
There are other places nicer and more intimate . I've stayed and enjoyed myself but to me Gleneagles is a upmarket Butlins not a wedding venue .

Anyway, after this thread we've agreed we either need to pay it all or go elsewhere. We're just working out which of the two.

There's no one else paying, just us, so we'll work something out that were both happy with soon hopefully. Thanks for all the suggestions of alternatives. Much appreciated.

Hope you manage to work things out gin

Hang on - they won't be able to check in till 3?...

What time are you having the wedding at? Is that not awful late? I mean, they're having to stay overnight for half a wedding? Or are you expecting them to arrive ready, leave their overnight bags and then go check in halfway through your wedding?

Tab the OP said earlier it was going to be a late afternoon ceremony. The hotel website says check in starts from 3pm (check out at noon). I think effectively it will be like a day time wedding with an evening reception but in this case the wedding is switched for bridal party plus close family and friends having a spa/golf day and then the other guests arriving for the evening reception which includes the ceremony.

See I missed the late afternoon bit, that's...unusual for a Scottish wedding.

Gin "Anyway, after this thread we've agreed we either need to pay it all or go elsewhere"

Yay! Good decision. Happy wedding to you.

The plan was for us and a group of close family friends to go the night before or early on the day. They are happy doing that

So they would need to stay two nights. Phew!

I see you are considering changing your plans or paying for everyone. You have a lot of questions to ask yourself, but bear in mind that guests are often reluctant to tell a bride to be what they really think, and even less likely to admit to a bride that they can't afford something. You only have to look on here to see many threads about wedding guests practically bankrupting themselves just to save face at a wedding, and not telling the bride how difficult it is for them.

Is Dunkeld Hilton too far for you? Or Atholl Palace? I really wouldn't have your wedding at Gleneagles under those conditions, it is not amazing enough to get away with that sort of nonsense.

Seems like a good decision to me, weddings are always tricky and you don't want the people that couldn't afford to stay to feel resentful. We wanted to runaway too but also couldn't due to both mothers! It doesn't matter much in the end, being married is what's important.

Thinking about it - one of the reasons Gleneagles may have this rule is that it doesn't want loads taxis arriving throughout the night to take people elsewhere.

Why would they? They've got a restaurant, they must have people leaving there by taxi all the time.

I'm slightly stunned OP is seriously thinking of paying for the rooms completely. That's around £20K she'll be paying out essentially for the privilege of her DP having a round of golf and the availability of a spa. Really?

Augusta, if she pays for the lot she's also paying for a nice treat for guests who do want to stay.