It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

No it's not all rooms just that they can't accommodate guests who are not resident. So everyone who's coming would need to book a room.

???

How do they police this?

It doesn't sound that lovely if it's massive and non-exclusive? Can you widen your search area?

Don't do it - unless all your guests are rich and not tight. People will be unable to afford and either not come or be resentful.

People should consider their guests and make things as easy as possible for them. Even more so if they are already travelling a long way. I much prefer it when people provide an onsite camping option. Preferably with bacon butties available in the morning! It's only your special day - to every one else it's just another wedding - maybe fun but not worth spending a fortune. Save your extra special place for just you and the new husband

I also think the venue are out of order, so would vote with my feet and not book it. How many rooms are they talking about?

I really don't think you can try to dictate where your guests stay, sorry.

So difficult, we can't find anywhere else that meets the other criteria. I'm gutted, this one rule is spoiling it.

They can accommodate guests who aren't residents, of course they can! This is extortion!

No it's not all rooms just that they can't accommodate guests who are not resident. So everyone who's coming would need to book a room.
So people with local family will have to fork out at least £100 for a hotel room they don't need? People willing to drive home at night the same?

I absolutely wouldn't want to be dictated to that I had to stay in the venue. Are you inviting families with children? That quickly becomes a very expensive overnight stay.

Don't do it. You will be the subject of an aibu.

What are the other criteria? There are thousands of marriage venues this cannot be the only place that meets your criteria!
Perhaps someone on here can help?

That makes no sense at all. Are you sure you've understood them correctly, op?
If it was exclusive use then I could understand but this way is ridiculous. Are they going to have bouncers on the door of your wedding checking everyone off the guest list?

I'd steer well clear of a venue like that. What else are they going to force you to do?

There's no one who lives very local, only one aunt and uncle who I reckon would drive home. There are a few close family children, they are part of the reason for this venue, it's all on one site, great facilities for kids and we've used the hotel babysitting service before.

YOu cannot do this, even if you subsidise. You can give the option of them staying in the hotel and you subbing them, but it has to be an option not a request, if you do make it a request that people have to stay in the hotel, you will have people who will not be able to come to your wedding.

you might just have to find another venue, really.

I've definitely understood, I asked directly and it's in all the literature. 😔 They've been so wonderful every time we stayed and wedding coordinator etc all great- so frustrating

No, please don't do that. It's not fair.

We looked at a venue which was exclusive use- so only wedding guests could be in the hotel. Great if people had booked the 40 odd rooms up, but if not we would have to pay for them. Worst case scenario it would be an extra £5,000 for us to find.

We decided not to go ahead because it's stupid money to lose, but mainly because it's unfair to dictate to your wedding guests that they must stay in a certain hotel. If you can't afford to cover the room cost, then don't do it.

Most of our guests stayed in the Premier Inn in our town, and got advance deals for £39 for a double room.

I would be put off attending a wedding where a 'yes' RSVP tied me into a hotel cost of £100 for me and DH (if we go with the £50 a head scenario).

I'd be seriously pissed off if I was one of your guests

Oh of there is no option, and guests have to stay there, than you cannot do this. There will be a backlash, and people will remember your wedding for all the wrong reasons.

Sorry but they are actually charging you £X for the venue higher + £Y (cost of room) times at least 35?

Can you afford £X + 35x£Y? Because that is the true cost - although you may get back some of 35x£Y - from your guests who book.
I would never use a supplier who is so dishonest about their pricing.

So sorry I think you need to keep looking - I cannot believe there is no other venue that could accommodate you.
If you want help: post your criteria and general area, and I'm sure MN can sort it.

I'm getting married this year and have seen a couple of venues that have this rule.

One venue dictated you had to book a min of 10 rooms and another one said you had to book all the rooms or basically you have to cover the cost if they don't get sold.

I don't agree with this, I do think that it means your guests are essentially funding your venue.

All you could do is include the cost of the room on the info card and hope and pray that they all get taken up willingly and basically be prepared to cover the cost if they don't.

On my info card I've indicated the hotel cost which is a special rate but also included the nearest premier Inn which is £50 and also a Best Western.

If you cannot cover the cost of the rooms and need your guests to take them and pay for it then yes YABVU!

They're taking the piss out of you. Are you sure you want to have your wedding at a place that will do that?
--though am quite jealous of the exclusive use of the fasciitis as mentioned by inlandtiger, not many people can say that's been a factor in their wedding

But aunt and uncle couldn't attend the wedding as thy wouldn't be staying overnight!
There are lots of family friendly hotels with great kids facilities what part of the country are you looking at we will all help you to find an alternative. You could still stay thee the night of your wedding but don't foist it in everyone else

Nope venue are bonkers and I wouldn't use then on principle. If you haven't misunderstood and that is what they are saying they are totally unreasonable.
Also the problem with doing this apart from it being rude dictating where people stay is that what is the guarantee that there will be suitable rooms for everyone? Are kids invited? What if there are no family rooms available? That doubles your cost if you are paying half and a family have to be separated and pay for two rooms. You cannot account for possible variables I'm afraid. At our wedding most people did stay at the hotel but a few didn't for various reasons not all relating to cost. You just can't force this on people I'm afraid.

All you could do is include the cost of the room on the info card and hope and pray that they all get taken up willingly and basically be prepared to cover the cost if they don't.
But from what the op's said guests not staying at the hotel won't be allowed in...

However much you love this venue, it is out of the question.

What's to stop a guest (if the hotel even bothers asking) saying they are driving 300 miles home, but actually staying at a travel lodge down the road?

I wouldn't book this venue because they are trying to get you to strong arm your guests. And you would need to explain to all your guests that they must lie when questioned by the venue (awkward) .

But I can't see how this is even realistic?

Shame to waste all that money, when you can put it to something else.