It's a wedding invite one...

[gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn]

In an effort to avoid a few posts in here about me later in the year- I need some guidance on how to ensure maximum reasonableness.

So, wedding next year, were about to book venue. Number 1 choice is somewhere we love, it's a bit luxury and a very special place for us. We're having a medium sized wedding c.70 guests. There's nowhere else that compares for us. Now the problem, they have a rule that all guests must be residents in the hotel- everyone must stay. It's expensive. Most guests don't live locally, so realistically would need a hotel room anyway. We don't have the budget to pay for the rooms for everyone. Some of our guest wouldn't bat an eyelid at the cost, some wouldn't be able to afford it. We could probably pay 50% of total room bill in our budget. So subsidise all rooms until they cost £50-75 per person ish? How would we even begin to word it on an invite?

How do we avoid being unreasonable? Should we give up and look elsewhere?

Thanks

We had a similar dilemma. Fantastic venue but very expensive rooms.
In the end we decided to go elsewhere. I hate the idea of my loved ones seeing a wedding invite as a summons, or not looking forward to the day because it's miles away or going to cost them.

There are lots and lots of lovely venues out there without that stipulation.

Aero but ultimately flights etc are the same price give or take... I'm not saying it's a must, people still have the option to not come, I'm not forcing anyone.

There will also only be local stag/hens no bridesmaids because we are only having 8 friends + partners each and I couldn't chose between them or haven't them all wear the same.

I can't remember who posted it but I'm pleased registry office plus restaurant was what you wanted, it's not what we want though. You're also very lucky to have had the option of a parents garden, if we had that it might be something we'd love to do, but we don't. I also don't want to spend £15k on an average hotel like some of the ones suggested, that feels less value for money than more on something special if that makes sense.

I've already answered points on waiting a year and reducing list.

I'm not 'dead set' on it, we're looking again at whether we can pay all the rooms and also other venues... Carberry, Cameron house, cromlix plus a couple of others. What I have discovered is that our guest list size is awkward in terms of room sizes (prestonfield isn't alone!) and many places dictate higher minimum numbers or room hire is £££. We've very much gone back to the drawing board and are looking at options.

Blysthwood square hotel

www.townhousecompany.com/blythswoodsquare/

Or there's one Devonshire Gardens.

Or the winter gardens.

Or St. Andrews in the square (Glasgow)

Or house for an art lover.

Exactly cleo, I think op is missing the whole point of it. I would be so angry and would take my business elsewhere. You could test the waters op, before handing invites, to see what people think and take it from there.

Gin even if you pay for it all, its a huge waste of money, that you can put towards something for you, like a holiday or house or whatever.

Have a look at Marr Hall or Cromlix House.
I suspect glee Eagles don't want weddings (apart from celeb ones!) and certainly don't want drunk couples hanging around reception at midnight, waiting for a taxi.

If you cannot afford to pay for everyone, you cannot afford this venue. I agree, they are putting these restrictions, to put off any Tom, Dick or Harry, only the mega rich or celebrities have their weddings there.

You come across as one of the biggest bridezillas ever tbh. You don't want to budge so why ask if you are being unreasonable? Pay for it all or go somewhere cheaper is the crux of it. I wouldn't go on principle if I was told I HAD to stay at the hotel the wedding was held at. Our money and time is precious and I don't appreciate being dictated to where we spend it just so bridezilla has the 'perfect' day

Did you even bother to read my last post Sharon? Or did you just wake up and decide to be a dick? We are already looking at whether we can pay for it all or go somewhere else but thanks for your advice.

I suspect glee Eagles don't want weddings
Disagree, it's that they don't want 'cheap' £15k ones.

I personally would have the reception in your garden, which is what you suggested, lovely, intimate and special. Its one of those, where if you ask the price, you cannot afford it type things, and you might not. It is a huge waste of money, unless you are uber rich, that will be a drop in the ocean for you.

I suspect glee Eagles don't want weddings (apart from celeb ones!) and certainly don't want drunk couples hanging around reception at midnight, waiting for a taxi.

I suspect this is the situation. It's not in your price bracket really.

Op Dalhousie castle is beautiful and has a lovely spa (I got married there 10 years ago). No golf on site but lots near by. There's also dundas castle. gleneages looks fabulous, I'd love to go to a wedding there.

I failed the budget is significantly more... Just doesn't stretch to 325*32 that we didn't expect on top sadly 😔

Aero- who suggested it in my garden? How do you even know I have one? I do... But it's an no way set up for a marquee, there's no where nearby to get married and there's limited b&b type space around and it would be a massive stress (which is what I was trying to avoid)

Sorry I misread that garden part, it was somebodies suggestion you had it in your garden and you don't have that option, you said you would like to if you did.

This I the most ridiculous, barking mad rule I've ever heard.
How do they even police that? Do they ask for your booking confirmation before setting foot over the threshold?
"Sorry, name's not down, you're not coming in!"
They can't FORCE people to stay, that's absolute madness and akin to taking you hostage! Especially if you say that you have an aunt and uncle who live nearby and would probably drive home. I'd be mightily pissed off if I had to stay over in that circumstance!
Sounds like you're making an awful lot of work for yourself with all this farting around with stipulations of what your venue must have.
It's a WEDDING, not a weekend getaway! I don't understand the whole childcare thing either, I have kids, and it's either kid friendly wedding or not. If they were with me at the wedding, it'd be me/dh looking after them, not random babysitters. I wouldn't be using them anyway. If there's no kids invited, still fine, I'd get babysitters at home and thing "waheyy" at the wedding.

Disco- I've answered the points, it's that rooms must be paid for, of course people can exercise free will and leave!

The childcare is for my own child and a couple of close family- so we can have a babysitter for a few hours in their rooms with them after they have gone to sleep.

Gin, I wasn't doubting that, just trying to point out that they probably have a waiting list and can set the bar as high as they like.

At the end of the day, its up to you, but would caution about over-stretching yourself. Of course a wedding is special, but I find when people look back the birth of their DCs, first day at school, wonderful holiday etc. all stand out more than the nuptials which are usually only recalled because 'uncle Jimmy put a flower-pot on his head', or something similar.

I didn't really want a big wedding at all, as I said earlier I wanted to elope then have a party. However that's not an option, and I finally got excited about it when I thought I could have it at the perfect place and yes, make it feel more like a weekend away than a wedding. i latterly discovered this rule which has put a spanner in the works and I'm disappointed. Also, times ticking on and dates are becoming harder for everywhere so I need to make a decision soon.

I've been to a couple of weddings at GU chapel, and it's a lovely location.
You could always hire out other rooms at the uni for the do afterwards, and they do good deals I understand, but that doesn't solve your babysitting problems. Nor would other places I might suggest; Pollock House, House for an Art Lover, the Piping Centre, People's Palace, Arta etc etc... You could always try NTS properties that also have holiday cottages in case there's the chance some have all of the, free / enough accommodation, and book babysitters separately.
Or there's the Lodge on the Loch. I'll have a think about elsewhere.

BTW, my DH played a 9-hole round on the morning of our wedding, he said it stopped him getting too wound up :)

Hmm, why not elope, and then have a weekend away!

Family pressure not to elope sadly... Don't think mil2b would ever speak to me again

DiscoGlitter Its quite easy to police. All they need to do is tell the B&G that any rooms booked by their guests need to mention the wedding they are attending to get a special rate. They can then simply compare rooms booked against places set at the tables.

Working out that budget must be a disappointment for you OP, but at least it sounds like a decision is made (even if by default) so throw yourself, and some of your budget into creating a wonderful alternative wedding.

It sounds like food is important - and I completely get that some of the suggested venues have truly mediocre food - so look for one that can accommodate your own caterer and spend your money on that. And spend money with a fabulous events company who can dress your ceremony room and receptions and make it truly glorious.

Then relax and know that you got into this debate because you were taking your guests into consideration - watch them enjoy your wedding.

And use a little bit of the budget for you and dp to go to Gleneagles or Isle of Eriska for a bit of luxury on your own.

I hope you find something you like in the other venues.

OP.. have a look at Lochgreen House Hotel in Troon. I know its a little further than an hour from Edinburgh airport but it over looks the golf course and has a small spa onsite. I think with your number or guests you could go for the package that gives you exclusive use of the hotel. It is grand but also not huge (30 rooms). Troon is also a beautiful little town, Im biased I live here
If you do like the look of it call soon, they are often booked up more than a year in advance but they will hold your chosen date for two weeks with no deposit while you decide.

Ive just read that back and seems like I might work for them! I know so many details because I had my wedding there a few years ago and it was absolutely beautiful, couldn't recommend highly enough