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To dislike my friends daughter?

397 replies

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:24

Am thinking yes.

She's 3. (I know, there are going to be a tonne of outraged SHE'S 3 posts. But stay with me.)

She demands to be carried everywhere. Won't go in the pushchair (she's a bit on the big side for it anyway) and friend has a younger DD as well who is 9 months and is generally carried in a sling or pushchair. So either friend has to struggle and stagger with the weight of two children or carry one on her hip with the other in the pushchair,

She wants what she wants immediately. Now. She will scream she wants a tissue. Friend gives her a tissue. She will continue screaming and screaming that she wants a tissue. These screaming fits are pretty much constant.

The younger child is pretty much ignored since friend is constantly dealing with older one, and you can't talk to friend at all due to behaviour of child 1.

So here are my questions - AIBU to think friend should possibly be encouraging child NOT to behave like this, and avoid friend because of it? The screaming is hard on the ears.

And when do they behave like humans? This child will be starting school in 16 months and surely won't be behaving like this then?

OP posts:
Justputyourshoesonnow · 22/04/2016 06:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberrytallCake · 22/04/2016 06:31

Do you have children?

Arsenicinthesugarbowl · 22/04/2016 06:31

YABU to judge her parenting. I'm sure she isn't enjoying the situation either. YANBU to find it annoying but Have simple choices! Be a friend to her or don't see her anymore if you find it that stressful. Or see her without the kids.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 22/04/2016 06:31

You've worded it badly. You don't dislike the 3 year old but you dislike being in her company. That's reasonable. Some small children's behaviour can be unbearable!
I assume the 3 year old is struggling with the new baby and your friend doesn't know how to deal with her behaviour. Difficult to know what to say to your friend though. Avoiding her is cruel, but offering unsolicited advice is awful.

waitingforsomething · 22/04/2016 06:32

Do you have or have you had a 3 year old? They're are hard work and she sounds particularly so. Have you offered a helping hand to her mum, your friend? She sounds like she could do with your support rather than you writing judgey posts on Internet

Groovee · 22/04/2016 06:32

She sounds like a three year old tbh. My Dd could be like this at 3. By 5 she was a lot calmer and at 16 is a lovely young lady who has her moments.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/04/2016 06:33

I stayed with you.

She's 3!

throwinshapes · 22/04/2016 06:34

Sorry but YAB.
Not the child's fault if she's being indulged in such a manner. Plus she's likely feeling very pushed out by a new sibling.
All very normal behaviour IMO.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/04/2016 06:35

Also screaming and behaviour issues don't make a child "not human".

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:35

Well, the baby isn't that new - 9 months is time enough to realise there's a new small person around.

Waiting, I don't think friend does need support (in any case what support do you feel I should be offering?)

It's hard to say what I think of her parenting, I admire her calmness I suppose and she's certainly a nice person. Which is why I have this (unreasonable!) dislike of her child!

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Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/04/2016 06:37

I stayed with you too, but still think that you are unreasonable. She's 3!!

Have you known many toddlers?!

Either you don't have any kids or your PFB hasn't hit the grotty toddler years yet!

Believeitornot · 22/04/2016 06:38

Well, the baby isn't that new - 9 months is time enough to realise there's a new small person around


Have you ever heard of sibling rivalry? Anyway babies change so much so when a sibling gets used to them, they start moving and grabbing toys which causes more pain. Then they start talking. Etc etc.

You shouldn't focus on the 3 year old - in fact you need to appreciate that 3 year olds are not emotionally mature and generally are not able to easily articulate.

If you must blame, it is your friend who is at fault here but why dislike a 3 year old!? Honestly.

waitingforsomething · 22/04/2016 06:41

If I had a friend with a child who was behaving like that all the time I might ask said friend if it was normal for her child and if she (the mum) is ok. If the 3 year old was behaving like this through jealousy of the sibling I would offer to take the babt or the 3 year old out for a couple of hours to give the mum a break. Have you asked her?

waitingforsomething · 22/04/2016 06:42

I don't feel like you 'should' offer support. It's just a kinder approach that disliking her 3 year old.

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:42

I think that's at least PART the reason I have this dislike - feel really sorry for the baby who is ignored / squashed underneath a larger screaming child for huge portions of the day as far as I can see!

Second born syndrome, I kmow!

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SabineUndine · 22/04/2016 06:42

Goodness, I was once a 3 yo with a baby brother and it was miserable. The whole world that had revolved around me suddenly revolved around him instead. Give this little girl your undivided attention for a while doing something interesting, is my advice. 9 months is no time at all for getting used to an irritating baby bruv!

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:44

They never leave her side waiting and she does have loads of local support. I don't feel she's be honest - she is lovely and calm with them which I do admire, her husband is v hands on, etc.

It's just a bit Shock having to listen to your lovely friend be screamed at for thirty solid minutes!

Like I say I admire her patience!

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Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:45

Why should she have my undivided attention? Confused She already has her mother's - and she is VERY firm that she wants no ones approval but Mums.

Which means as I say the baby gets overlooked!

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waitingforsomething · 22/04/2016 06:48

How many kids do you have? Don't feel sorry for the baby- 2nd babies have to fit in an around siblings even if said sibling is difficult. im sure she gets lots of attention if her mum has lots of local support like you say and I doubt the baby even notices

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:51

I noticed when I was ignored for years because of a demanding older sibling! Slightly different in my case as sibling had additional needs but of course you notice.

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LaContessaDiPlump · 22/04/2016 06:53

I think I'd find it hard to warm to the child you describe too tbh (and I own a nearly-4yo). However for the sake of my friend I'd make a big effort to distract the older child so that my friend could have time with her younger one.

Would you be willing/allowed to take older child to the park, perhaps? My own kids are apparently delightful in 1:1 situations with others, despite being demanding monsters with me Hmm you never know, you might end up getting on with this girl a bit better if you have some 1:1 time. Sounds like that would benefit everyone.

Thebrowntrout · 22/04/2016 06:53

Waiting, I don't have any kids and this encounter has put me off them.

It never occurred to me I could dislike a child, but I've discovered I can (and I know that reflects badly on me but it's a sort of instinctive FEELING if you follow me!)

I don't say anything - as if I'd be that rude! - and I smile brightly and attempt to cheerily engage with child and just accept we can't talk about ANYTHING but inside I am thinking 'stfu, brat.'

OP posts:
Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/04/2016 06:54

Oh dear. I fear the OP really is very unreasonable and the post wasn't even slightly in jest. She actually dislikes a 3 year old! Sad

You sound very judgemental and critical of your friend. I see you are swerving the questions about whether or not you have any children.

Cheby · 22/04/2016 06:54

OP, I think you sound jealous of the 3yo taking up your friend's time.

This is fairly typical 3yo behaviour. And your friend is probably managing it as best she can. It's HARD WORK. And the best thing you could do is be supportive and sympathetic, or, quietly fade into the background so you can judge away in leave to your heart's content.

If I knew one of my friends thought like this about me or my child, I wouldn't want anything to do with them.

SabineUndine · 22/04/2016 06:55

'Why should I give her my undivided attention?'

This is about YOU, isn't it? You miss having your friend to yourself and feel her daughter is in the way. I've got news for you: once your friends have kids, the kids come first. Get used to it.

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