To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

God, your descriptions of your ds' behaviour are chilling. Rehome the poor cats.

No, it doesn't make it acceptable enchanted but it's understandable from the four year old's point of view. He's scared of them, they make him anxious and they have done from he was old enough to notice their presence. He has not "decided" that he just doesn't like them, it's not within his control. And they're living with him, in his home, where he can't really 'escape' from them. That's not fair on the kid and taking a 'harder line' or whatever including fucking taps on the wrist is not how you deal with a source of anxiety.

The point about "what if he decides he doesn't like his little brother?" has been made from the start of the thread. As the OP has not highlighted any concerns with her son's dealings with other children or people in general I don't think it's something that warrants much further consideration.

The point is craic I don't feel a child should be permitted to decide that because he doesn't like something / is scared of it it means he has the right to distress and frighten it.

That's true whether it's a classmate, sibling, pet or wildlife.

People on this thread are actually hysterical. OP, rehome the cats.

'Chilling' Jessica, really? I think you must lead a very sheltered life.

I'm glad OP has left the thread, leaving the mob to bay to one another. I'm following her example.

Literally laughing out loud at Jessica's post.

I don't see what's so amusing about Jessica's post. Even if you don't agree with her there is undeniable evidence that animal cruelty as a child can develop into psychopathic behaviour in later life.

Yes but there's a difference between being cruel to animals and being a 4 year old boy who isn't keen on a cat!

To use the word 'chilling' is hilarious.

If he were simply not keen I might see your point but his behaviour is actively aggressive as far as I can see.

Yes, having read one too many cases of horrific animal abuse this week including two brothers who tortured a bulldog to death and whose mother has excused it by saying 'they were on drugs' - it is quite disturbing that this child at the age of 4 actively wants to harm the cats and OP doesn't see anything wrong with it!

It's the lack of empathy that's chilling - that's seriously abnormal.

Believe me I often laugh out loud at mners hysterical reactions to things but in the case of animal abuse far better to overreact than underreact.

I do understand as I have a pet to whom I have become allergic and who is a lot of work but I love him dearly and won't rehome him even though I have considered it (because I feel I took him on and can't let him down now). However, in your situation, while I think this applies too, it sounds like none of you even like these poor pets. I think you should take antihistamines asap, stop your son mistreating the poor cats, responsibly rehome them (e.g. via a note at your vets) and don't get pets again.

Wicker and Mustard, reading books might not be the best strategy but really, would you train a nervous cat or dog by shouting at it or smacking it when it tried to chase away the things it was scared of? Wouldn’t that be the worst thing you could do - the exact opposite of what you want? Why is a nervous four-year-old different? Even consistent time out may not help much because - going by her later posts - the OP is talking about a real fear reaction. If these were cats and a dog you’d try something more like separation and then controlled re-introduction, with plenty of positive attention to both him and them. Again, why would a toddler be different?

For sure, if he was usually fine around the cats but had a few moments of thoughtless cruelty then a sharp shock would get him back onto the straight and narrow. But from what the OP says in her later posts, what her DS wants is for the cats to go away so he can feel safe. And what he ideally needs is to feel safe with them around. Which is hard to arrange if his mother turns into a sneezy-monster whenever they come close and his father doesn’t like them enough to interact with them at all.

This is a tricky situation to manage. On the one hand it might be good to keep the cats around so she and her DH can teach her DS to get along with them. On the other hand I wouldn’t force anyone into a life on antihistamines, my DH has to take them over the summer and I really notice the difference in him. And on the third hand her DS does sound extra-anxious about animals and it might be better for the OP to re-home them and start again later with a pet that her DS finds non-threatening and that she finds non-allergenic, and ideally her DH could find a bit of enjoyment in it too. The more happy vibes her DS sees round the pet, the better.

dairymilk, if you do end up keeping the cats I found Jackson Galaxy’s “my cat from hell” programmes helpful (and amusing). There’s one about getting a cat and a toddler to live comfortably together. You might find it on YouTube. Not that your cats are hell-cats, but I learned some useful stuff about living with my own cats from it. Your DH might benefit too though your DS might find it too scary since some of the cats really are savage.

I sincerely hope the OP won't consider any more pets.

Gosh, I would have loved to have OP's cats. We wanted older (age 6+) pair of cats that were use to each other & children. The shelter had nothing on offer so we ended up with kittens, instead. Shelter would not consider rehousing with us adult cats who had not previously lived with children (argh).

My kids aren't perfect with the animals either, I'm not sure I believe any kid is.

I couldn't live with pets that made me ill every day.

I think it's fine for you to rehome them however you need to, OP.

Yes i probably will leave the thread now as i think useful info is no longer coming. Thanks for the petal cleanse idea and other suggestions.
Cats may not be the best stroked in the world but are fed, watered, have a home which they always return too, all vet care needed (inc a jaw fracture repair when one got hit by a car- vet hospital gave us choice of that or put down and we had the op) on a healthy pet plan etc. they are not totally neglected!
My 4 yr old may shout go away at the cats and run at them if they are in his room or playroom but he has never done anything else. He is a reasonably well behaved child normally at home and school. His behaviour has never escalated and comparing him to kids torturing animals to death is a bit OTT. I don't actuallu think all people naturally love animals - he doesn't and of course didnt choose to have them - that was me, pre allergies.
It us obviously good to hear most to you have perfect families and lives with no tricky issues to sort out due to not being able to see into the future!

I'm sorry that you feel that you can't offer these cats what they need.

Whether or not you have cats, I think you're becoming aware it is not reasonable for your son to act how he currently is. I wish I could help with that, but I can only recommend a harsher punishment. Maybe, bed early, no play time, no tv etc. Until he learns? Reward good behaviour too especially with the cats. Perhaps encourage him to feed / brush them?

I have asthma and have allergies to fur (and the oils it produces). I have prescription antihistamines, nasal spray, eye drops and a relieving inhaler. Sometimes, i will only need one item, others i will use all.

Generally I have found that my body adjusts around animals and I become "less allergic" over time with the idd flare up which is manageable. Perhaps with the correct medication, this will not be an issue?

I vacuum once a week, unless i'm having visitors. But sweep kitchen (where they eat) and bathroom (where their tray is) everyday. It's frustrating, but becomes easier if you stay on top of it and it becomes a routine.

We adopted two cats from the Cat Protection League in September last year. Many of the cats there were in distress, it was sad to see. I wanted to bring home more.

We ended up with a 10 week old black kitten (Mozzie) and a 5.5 year old ginger cat (Gilbert).

Mozzie was born there, so relatively un-stressed as he knew nothing else, although he was the "runt" and his mother an sibling had all been adopted already. Gilbert on the other hand is very psychologically damaged. He is nervous all of the time, the cat basket REALLY upsets him more than it would usually! This makes trips to the vet / cattery really traumatic for him. He was taken to the CPL twice, why, I will never understand as he i the most gentle cat I know.

Something else to bare in mind, is their breed and colour. According to the CPL, ginger and black cats are least desirable. Also, rehoming twi together is less likely than rehoming one on it's own.

You have a lot to consider, but please do just that - consider all of your options and only use a shelter as a last resort.

I have nothing else to add, (but will be watching with interest) so I shall
Leave you a pic of my boys from only last night

Let me tell you something, Jessica et al: I was a really "grabby" toddler that used to
A) pull the cats tail
B) wear it as a hat
C) prod it in the bumhole
As an adult I feel OBVIOUSLY bad for doing that but I was a stupid kid who saw the cat as a big furry annoyance, my granny loved that cat more than me I swear.
I learned my lesson when the cat massively scratched my face after one annoyance too many. It was a real "Ziggy Stardust" scar and stayed for ages. My mum told me that was lesson learned and I never pestered the cat again. Actually ended up quite liking it.
Long story but to all of you equating her boy's behaviour with psychopaths tendencies hang your head in shame.
This is a four year old child. You are idiots.
The best thing the OP needs to do is rehome the animal. Assuming her boy isn't a psychopath rest assured he's going to realise the impact of his actions and feel the guilt for years to come, Lord knows I do about my cat.
This thread has brought out the most pricks I've seen a thread in some time.
Ps: sprays, washes, anti-allergy stuff doesn't work. Save your dollars.
Pps: I love cats, dogs etc. I'm not a psychopath, I was a stupid, jealous kid who didn't really know what I was doing.

I totally agree with wickerbasket

hang your head in shame funnily enough 2many I don't think anyone will be doing that simply because you command it!!

I'm pretty certain the child is not a psychopath for not liking the cats but really, who do you think you are?!

If you are genuinely allergic to the cats then you should rehome them.

The reason that your son doesn't like them is a terrible reason. Looking after animals and showing them respect is a separate thing from liking them so you should be teaching your child how to behave towards the animals rather than assuming he will be moved to behave well because he likes them.

Brie - I'm someone who doesn't believe in blackening the name of four your old kids who's stupid behaviour is described in hysterical, far-fetched and ultimately unfair terms.

Capiche?

Did you read the rest of my post?! Clearly not given your oh so witty last comment. I just find it utterly infuriating when a poster comes on and pronounces at other posters as though they are the thread queen and think everyone is going to have a sudden revelation in thinking because some other random tells them to be ashamed of themselves?!

Shameful opinions are things like racism or sexism, not being a bit overzealous about something.

Inferring a four year old kid is a psychopath in training fine by you then, Brie?

FWIW, it's an OPINION thread. Am I shutting you down because we evidently differ? No.

Yours,

Thread Queen x

Are you joking?! I said 'I'm pretty sure the kid is not a psychopath for not liking cats'

I explained my comments really clearly, nothing to do with the child all to do with your ridiculous domineering.