To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.
   

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!
   

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.
   

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

[carefreeeee]

I don't think there is anything wrong with rehoming them but you should do this privately (ie. straight from yours to a new permanent home) rather than via a rescue centre for the following reasons:

1. rescue centres are over stretched and over crowded and really only for people who are desperate - they have enough to do with animals with nowhere else to go - yours can stay with you for a couple more months just as easily (if you do take them to a rescue centre please give a donation to cover the cost of food, cat litter and vet treatment to last at least a year)
   

1. cats are territorial and need to exercise their normal behaviours including exercise, hunting, exploring, all of which will be denied in a rescue centre
   

1. cats get very stressed in the presence of other cats due to being territorial and all the smells and noises of a rescue centre are like a form of torture - ask any owner what their cat is like in a cattery for a week when they are on holiday - most of them hate it and get very stressed
   

1. they could well be there for ages or even PTS
   

I'm not criticising rescue centres, they are doing an important job, but a cat is definitely better off being ignored in your home than banged up in a tiny cage for months. If your vet offered to help that's a good place to start - one of their staff may take them on or otherwise they may know of a cat loving client that recently lost a pet etc.

[user7755]

He has no choice, his allergies are due to a huge number of environmental things (including dust mites), so he is allergic all year. But if the choice was daily damp dusting, hoovering, specialist equipment, tablets to help him build a resistance (which work really well) creams and antihistamines (which also work really well now that we have had specialist allergy advice) or get rid of the family pets when we know that he may well become desensitised to them. I would do that (and have), our younger son with LD - his best friend is the dog. Losing the dog would not be, for him, the same as it is for a NT animal lover - he is literally his best friend, confidant and a consistent companion when he can't relate to people because he is struggling.

Older son has become desensitised to the dog (not allergic to cats), as predicted - but we still have the daily routines to manage the balance between both kids needs.

[Greyhorses]

What a great lesson to teach a child, being cruel to animals is okay and it's also fine to get rid of them when you are sick of them. Animals are not disposable.

You took on a commitment and now you should live with it. I mean realistically how hard is it to look after a cat?

[honeyroar]

This thread had made me have an evening with my cats snuggled up. They are pretty independent, and live in the limelight of the dogs, but are very loved.

I think that you should speak to your vets or friends regarding rehoming them. They've got to find somewhere better than where they are. The life you provide them sounds cold and callous. Your husband sounds wet, although to be fair you did over ride his feelings on getting them. Your child sounds nasty towards them. He sounds like he needs a good telling off. He can't be nasty to things (or other children etc) because he simply doesn't like them. And you, you are just using the allergy thing as an excuse. You haven't even tried piriton etc. You've already made your mind up. And I don't get the "work and expense" arguement. My two probably cost £15/month in feed and litter, and it's hardly any work at all. I have dogs and horse though, which are more work and expense by far.

Re the rescues, I haven't ever seen a rescue where cats are in cages. They always seem OK to me. Better that than rehoming to just anyone off the internet. I took on two 2yr old cats. They're now 6. 6 isn't that old for a cat, they could have another ten years.. I've other friends that have adopted adult cats. Not everyone gets/wants kittens.

[RiverTam]

Stratospheric = I would be shouting till DD was in tears. Your son is terrorising an animal, a living creature. Stop pussyfooting around with reward charts and time out. I would roar, I would send to her room for how ever long I deemed fit and if it happened again I would be there with a bin bag and her room would be emptied. I would mean business and you can be damned sure that she knew it. And I can bet I would only have to do that once.

Christ. You are making me so angry. How dare, how dare you allow your son to do that 'a million times'.

Forget it. Rehome them tomorrow. You clearly don't give a shit about their welfare.

[FriskyFrog]

...took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

I am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.

DH has no interest in the cats (...) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.

My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason.

Inexplicable? I think it's pretty plain that the antipathy of yourself and your DH towards your cats has transferred to your son.

Regardless, these animals deserve better and you should seek to rehome responsibly. Find a shelter with a no kill policy, as a pair of older cats will be difficult to place. Do you have family or friends who could give them a better home?

[coffeeisnectar]

So you had the two cats for two years and then had two children and now you don't want the cats?

Contact the Cats Protection and ask them to find them a new home. Poor cats.

I get so annoyed by people that have pets and then want to get rid of them when kids come along or become bored after the kitten/puppy stage.

FWIW we have four cats. Oldest is 14 and was a rescue when he was 2. Next is a female aged 10 who we got from CPL two years ago with her brother. Her brother kept returning to his old home and we ended up signing him back to them. But she is here with us and I adore her. Cat 3 is a four year old male who was left by former neighbours when they moved and whose dc had terrorised him. Cat 4 is a 2 year old female we got from a friend who had a baby who had allergies.

I would never get rid of them despite the older female going through a phase of using my bed as a toilet, despite the boys trying to fight all the time (easing now with time, patience, treats and catnip), despite the younger girl trying to bite me constantly for months but has now settled.

Please don't get any more pets. At least not until you've made your child understand that animals need to be treated with kindness and care.

[Jojoriley]

Well I think you're already being selfish and cruel. Why is it acceptable to you to just move out these creatures that you invited to be part of your household ? What lesson are you teaching your kids? That cats are the same as unwanted possessions? That their needs are unimportant?

I have a solution- change your mind AGAIN. (Since you've already changed it twice) Decide to do the right thing by these animals. Give them what they need and teach your kids that respect for those you have in your power is the most fundamental form of humanity.

[notamummy10]

If you do wish to rehome them, please find them one. Like people have already said, if they get placed in a shelter they'll struggle with finding a home; and definitely not the RSPCA.


Now this is my honest opinion (it's more of a general view) but I'm sick of hearing about people who have pets then a few years down the line, they get rid of them and it's not fair on them.

To address your 3 points:

1. If you are suffering from allergies, take some anti-allergy medicine (unless you go into anaphylactic shock).
   
   
2. Children at that age aren't usually bothered about cats, also there may be a chance the cats aren't keen on children... But as your sons grow up, it may change.
   
   
3. Your husband has a point, pets are expensive but that's something you should think about before getting the pet. How much is it going to cost in the long run, especially if they get ill/injured and need veterinarian treatment? Are you going to be able to afford it? If the answer is no then don't get a pet.

[nennyrainbow]

I think the OP is being given a hard time over this. Unlike dogs, cats have little allegiance to their owners and are mostly more than capable of looking after themselves, and if they were really that unhappy in their home would probably just leave. The OP said they have a safe high up resting place to escape to and have access to the outdoors through a cat flap, so the fact that they're still there means the situation probably isn't as bad as everyone is making out. Obviously a small child who shouts at them and chases them out if the room isn't a desirable situation and needs rectifying ASAP, but if you were to substitute a dog who barked and chased them out each time, would everyone be so up in arms about it? In the eyes of a cat it's no different. As long as they've got their safe retreat, it makes no difference to the cat what species the predator is.
Allergies are a misery. I'm not sure if they're being used as an excuse in this case, but it really sounds as though you no longer want the cats. At 6, they could still have long lives ahead of them. I would certainly put out feelers about rehoming them, without committing to anything just yet, to see if you can find a good lifelong home. Not everyone wants kittens. We took in an adult stray cat last year ( age unknown but probably 2 or 3) and I would happily do the same again if we were to get another cat.

[TooOldForGlitter]

Don't sell animals on Facebook or gumtree or Pets 4 Homes. Just don't.

[HopefulHamster]

Laughing at the idea one can just take anti allergy meds (unless anaphalactic). That might work for some people but for many others it simply does not. That is a simple truth.

I am allergic to most animals I am exposed to. Antihistamines can just about ensure my breathing doesn't get too bad. I still cough, have sore eyes, a thickly throat, hives on my skin.

It is utterly miserable. I did have hamsters which were small so symptoms were minimal and I adored them. But if I had cats it would be like having a bad cold for the rest of their days. I can easily see how this would cause someone to distance themselves from a pet (whether that should be the case or not).

I think the OP needs to find the best home she can for her cats.

But the suggestion she can 'just' or 'simply' take meds every day for ten years or whatever is not as easy as it seems.

[kali110]

This thread has made me so sad. Are pets really worth so little
I have asthma that is def made worse by fur yet i would never get rid of mycats! I have them because other 'owners' decided they could no longer look after them.
Stop your kid terrorising them.
Noone chases or shouts at my pets, no matter what their age.
Those poor cats.

[annandale]

Yes, rehome them, ideally from your home to another.

I really don't think it has to be a terrible trauma. I would rehome a pet that had become allergic to me to the point that they were ill every day just from living in my house, so why treat yourself less well than that! And I think your children are extremely young to have pets around and be able to treat them really well, so I wouldn't beat yourself up about that. Yes you have a moral responsibility to try to ensure that they do not suffer in avoidable ways. Not to martyr yourself.

My only advice would be, in the relief after they have gone, put a ten year moratorium on even considering any other pets. If your children start asking for a dog in a few years, point them in the direction of the local animal shelter and tell them to volunteer, or to help out a local dog owner by regular walks.

[dairymilkmonster]

Re ds around other animals - he really doesn't like other cats much either (although tends to cling to me rather than approach them) but we havent spent loads of time with any others. Scared of dogs but again minimal experience. Went ballistic when we had some frogs in the garden and cried until i carried them all to a muddy damp bit behind the shed at the bottom.

[dairymilkmonster]

Thanks to the people who have made helpful constructive comments which i have taken on board. Also to the multiple PMs from those who have been in very similar situations and rehomed their pets. It appears that whilst ds might be 'vile' to the majority on mn, not everyone elses kids are perfect around animals either and not all have a partner who shares their animal preferences completely.

[SabineUndine]

Rehome them. They deserve a better home than the one they've got with you.

[2ManySweets]

To all of you who'd "just suck it up and take the antihistamines" Hamster nails it: to be allergic to your pet means it's like having a heavy cold every day. When an actual cold does hit it takes 3/4 weeks to get over and not one. Antihistamines contain Loratidine which causes drowsiness, and long term use can affect the liver.

OP: two things - one; please use the Blue Cross. My DP had to use this when we moved in together as I have an allergy to his cat and their hehoming service is second to none. There's no other service like it I'm aware of. Alternatively canvass your friends and neighbours.

Secondly: I'd have thought twice about mentioning your son's reaction to the cats - of course his behaviour is out of line and you've tried to fix it to no avail. So you'll know that no matter how big or small another pet is out of the question until your son is basically an adult, right?

Some of the users of this forum have been really obnoxious, judgey idiots on here. In a perfect world everyone who gets a pet would be a responsible owner, and nobody would ever exercise poor, misguided judgement. The fact that the OP recognises her cat is suffering at the hands of her DS and thinks that's a good reason to rehome is fair. To those of you who tell her to "just retrain your son"; it's not that easy. Young children have extreme behaviours to do with likes and dislikes that to us adults seem frankly off the wall. They usually settle down when kids get older and can articulate themselves. Would you prefer the pets to remain in the home, terrified by the DS, day in day out?

It must so lovely to live in a world where your toddlers/little children do everything you say.

OP; poor decision to get them in the first place but you're not the antichrist. Just carry out responsibly the rehoming. No Gumtree, no Facebook forums.

[Costacoffeeplease]

You have a lot of work to do with your son given your more recent posts

[2ManySweets]

wicker, I do agree re; discipline. Forgive me, I've not read 100% of the responses and assumed the OP had disciplined her son with removal/firm admonishment/tap on the hand/denial of treats.

[enchantedfairytale]

Believe me, OP, I am well aware of the fact that hundreds of people decide once children come along that their animals have to go.

That doesn't make it right.

The fact is, in his life, your son will come across animals. He may go to houses to play where there are dogs or cats or rabbits, he may go on school trips to farms or the zoo, he will encounter dogs in the park or horses/ponies in a field.

The world is not his, for him to demand it be as he wishes. Those frogs had every right to be there and by moving them you were reinforcing this idea that it's HIS world, that everyone else must adapt to. That's obviously not a good thing.

Not everyone has to be into animals but there is a difference between not really being interested and actively trying to frighten and distress. No child should ever get the message that's acceptable.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

FFS, wicker. Where do you get off with claiming the high ground on discipline when your answer is to hit a small child?

[TheVeganVagina]

One of my ds had a behaviour problem that I couldn't sort out myself. I took him to a paediatric psychologist/psych cant quite remember. He had written books on child development etc. He was amazing! Problen solved instantly. He had a way of getting down to the issue. If one of my dc was being cruel to animals i would made an immediate appointment. Children are normally gentle and caring towards animals. I would be worried about the lack of empathy. Will it just get worse as he gets older?