To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.
   

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!
   

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.
   

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

The allergy part is understandable but allowing animals to be abused definitely isn't.

Daffy, I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Your situation is completely different to the OP's and you have nothing to feel guilty about

[RiverTam]

OP, I think you're and you're DH's ambivalence towards your cats comes through in your DS's behaviour. We would both go stratospheric if DD behaved badly towards our cats, they are very shy and skittish and we have absolute zero tolerance to anyone upsetting them. Will you allow DS to scare or hurt his baby sibling? I think not. In which case, if you really wanted ( you plural as you need to be consistent on this) you could get your son to stop. I would be utterly draconian on this.

[stopfaffing]

Not sure why it would take four months to train (toilet I assume) cats . They thrive on routine and are clean animals.

Anyway, definitely rehome asap. You don't want them, you don't like them, your DS doesn't like them and teases them, your DH doesn't like them. Poor cats will be better off anywhere else .

Contact Cat Protection, local vets, put ad on Pets at Home notice board (that's where I got my two tabby brothers from). Cat Protection will take them and find a loving home for them, just give them a nice donation, £100 should do it.

[Writerwannabe83]

I recently rehomed my two 5 year old cats because following the arrival of DS they were so unhappy.

I tried for 18 months to try and help them readjust (and spent £100's doing so) but a few months ago I had to accept that they'd be happier somewhere else.

I was absolutely devastated when they left but it was the right decision for them.

[user7755]

River - I completely agree with you

[RidersOnTheStorm]

Your allergy will only get worse. Rehome as soon as you can.

[user7755]

Riders - nonsense. Many of our family members have had pet allergies which have improved and when we went to an allergy clinic they advised us that whilst DS remains allergic to dogs, he may well become desensitised to our dog.
DSD can tolerate being around our cats because she spends so much time around them but struggles with others.

[SideOrderofChip]

So you don't love them now they aren't cute kittens anymore? I feel for your cats. You need to get more control over your DS. I have 3 kids and not one of them has been cruel to our cat once. And that is what your DS is being. Cruel.

Rehome them to a home through your vets. Frankly they deserve better.

[Gide]

YANU with regards to the allergies, but you are with regards to your son abusing them. Those cats did not knock on your door and ask to live with you. You have a moral responsibility to those little lives and I'm on pet forums, no hiding!

[Gide]

You might actually get some good ideas on pet forums.

[fusspot66]

We got 2 girl cats aged 6 and 7 from a shelter. Their owner couldn't keep them. They settled almost instantly in our home though I suspect they like it best when the DC are at school. Most of the cats weren't kittens and find homes. They arrive ready for the snoozy life of a cat. They don't suit your family or your health. Give them.to someone else to love.

[TypicallyEnglishMustard]

I also agree with River. I would be livid if a child abused my cat. A severe bollocking would be in order every time to show I meant business, none of this reward chart nonsense. Treating living creatures with care is not something to be rewarded, it should be a basic fucking expectation in a household.

[dairymilkmonster]

Daffyduck1 - you did such a brave thing!

Ok, so maybe we shouldnt have got the cats in the first place, but hindsight is a great thing.

I am definately going to try some antihistamines daily as a first step.

I hadn't actually considered a shelter - was more going to go down the line of talking to friends, relatives ( eg my aunt already said two families she knows in her village are looking for cats - of course they may want a kitten) and getting help from our vet.

Ds1 is a bit of a nightmare at times. I must have said a million times not to chase the cats or shout go away at them. From as soon as he walk and used to chase them. AS i said above wemhave tried time out, confiscating toys, star charts for not doing it. The only one big thing i did was not take him to a birthday party he wanted to attend - that was a combination of a cat related misdemeanor and some other bad behaviour that day. Aside from continuing to do this i am not entirely sure how to approach it.

[user7755]

You make it completely clear in your behaviour that the cats are there to be loved and that it is not OK to shout at or chase them. Then if he shouts at / chases them you show the cats lots of love and attention and sympathy and tell him to go and sit on the naughty step and then you ignore him. Afterwards you explain that you love the cats and they are not to be shouted at and you show him how to behave around them. Doesn't sound like he has had positive role models to be honest.

[dairymilkmonster]

oops pressed enter.
Thankyou to those with similar stories to our situation - Having already spoken to the vet i know we are not alone in being in this situation,

I would genuinely be interested to hear what people who go stratispheric/completely bollock their children actually say or do that is different to us and might help. We may not be perfect parents, but i marginally resent the assumption we have sat back and down nothing about this.

[Costacoffeeplease]

I must have said a million times not to chase the cats or shout go away at them.

so a million times the cats have been terrorised? And you haven't sought any help?

Find a loving home for them pdq, or at least one where they're not continually abused - and never get another pet again if you can't keep them safe

[ilovesooty]

I suppose if no one is showing love to the cats he thinks he can bully them with impunity.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

How does your son behave around other animals, if you are visiting friends for example?

[CalleighDoodle]

OP do you actually have a home to rehome them to?

Re: your child. Do you follow through with the consequence and then escalate if he doesn't improve? I actually know someone, and i think aomeone on here did the same, who took every single toy away (to the loft) untilmbehaviour had improved and brought back one at a time whenever there was an improvement.

My ds is really very difficult when he is hungry or tired.

[ilovesooty]

Having already spoken to the vet i know we are not alone in being in this situation

Sadly there are probably many pet owners as irresponsible as you.

[claraschu]

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with finding them another home; if it's a good home everyone would be happier.

I would treat your son's behaviour as seriously as if he were hurting another child, or even doing something more shocking- spitting at you for instance. If he is NT, I think that a policy of zero tolerance of his meanness to the cats should put an end to it quite quickly. However, you say you have tried everything, so I am not sure what to advise. If it were me, I would probably overreact in an extreme way, and also try to catch him before he starts the behaviour. My guess is that he is copying your husband's dislike, and that your husband is not coming down on him like a ton of bricks when he is mean .

[maisiejones]

The poor cats would be better off in a loving home with caring owners who really want them and no vile child to mistreat them.

[enchantedfairytale]

There is everything wrong with finding them another home!

If you find them another home, and are fortunate enough to find loving people who adore cats and just happen not to have any, it means some other cat will be waiting that bit longer.

[Kleinzeit]

I do think that becoming allergic is enough reason to re-home. I became very allergic to one of our two cats and it was really sad, I couldn’t pick her up or cuddle her, and after a time I couldn’t even be in the same room with her for long because my eyes and nose streamed and my face was an agony of itching. And she was fondest of me. She was physically looked after and DH was fond of her and petted and played with her so she did have some company but it really wasn’t ideal for her. Weirdly I didn’t become allergic to her sister. (She died fairly young for unrelated reasons)

You do need to come down on your DS for chasing the cats, same as you would if he was chasing his baby brother or shouting at him. Time out every time, and maybe some other consequence as well. He doesn’t have to like them but unkindness isn’t on. You may have to be very persistent and very consistent. And do make sure the cats have space where he can’t get at them (high shelves!), and that their food bowls, beds and litter tray are “safe” spaces for them. Other things you might do as well is to get him to feed them or play with them (pulling a toy on a string or waving a cat-tease toy so he wont get scratched), to interact in a positive way. Reward him for doing five minutes of nice play once a day.

We used to do a “cat of the day” with DS jogging up and down with a bit of string and the cats following and me doing a commentary “So who will be Cat of the Day Today? Oh it’s Cat1 on the string but Cat2 is creeping up on the left - will she get the string? And DS has pulled the string away, Cat1 is looking confused...... And yay it’s Cat2 who is Cat of the Day for best pouncing”. My DS was a bit older so if yours is too young you could even pull the string yourself while you do the commentary, it’s really a way for your DS and the cats to share some positive attention.

Anyway I do hope you find a solution one way or another.