To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

Augusta Wicker is right. Most children are naturally empathetic towards animals. A young child that actively terrorises innocent creatures isn't a very nice child and needs a firm hand as they are unlikely to respond to precious little snowflake type parenting that has obviously not worked. He needs a sharp smack to the backside and sent to bed. I bet you he wouldn't do it again.

Blimey, enough with the smacking!

Ds might not be a psychopath in training but picking up on his dad's feelings towards the cat?

I think most people are forgetting that he is a 4 year old. I'm guessing everyone who's attacking the OP have delightful, obedient children? Thought not.

Give her a break!

I'm not of course advocating smacking children but I'm disturbed to hear of children behaving like this. I think any small children who are actively cruel to animals might benefit from professional intervention.

I'm disturbed to hear of children behaving like this. I think any small children who are actively cruel to animals might benefit from professional intervention.

Absolutely - and better examples of behaviour from the parents

Yes, ils is right.

This is very different to an over enthusiastic toddler 'loving' a cat or a dog.

Sounds like the cats (and other animals) make the OP's son anxious and that that's the driving force rather than him being a horrible child. It's not that he's chasing the cats round the house, he just doesn't want them in the room he's in. His behaviour isn't wonderful but he's four and he sounds like he gets scared by animals. That is not the basis for controlled and moderated behaviour. Making me sit outside at that age to eat dinner surrounded by birds which I felt similarly about ended up with me having a phobia, so to be honest I wouldn't be trying to force interactions between the two.

The fact that the cats are healthy and still knocking about suggests they're probably not as stressed as everyone's supposing. They've got food, a safe space to retreat to, access to the house and garden and each other for company. I doubt they're really bothered about the OP's husband's lack of engagement and her son is probably an annoyance.

I don't blame you for not wanting to use medication every day, I wouldn't be doing that. I think you should start making efforts to rehome them yourself and keep them as long as you need to ensure they go to the right home, together if possible. The situation doesn't sound desperate and once you know they're 'going' this might make dealing with them and your DS more bearable.

So, we are now training a large creature (toddler) not to hurt a smaller creature (cat) by having a large creature (adult) hurt a smaller creature (toddler). Yes, that makes sense.
OP, the animal fundamentalists have struck. The ones who think it's not OK to be mean to an innocent furbaby but it's fine to hit a child. Ignore them.
Fwiw I suspect your DS isn't having loving interactions with the cats being modelled enough. He sees adults ignoring them or being ambivalent towards them, meeting their physical needs but showing them no affection. I agree with buying some toys that might interest the cats, maybe some fishing rod type toys, and modelling playful interactions. And yes, I would look to rehome the cats. It isn't ideal but I don't understand this idea that you and the cats have to spend the next 10 years in mutual misery because you have a responsibility to them. My personal view is that you have a responsibility to ensure they are happy, and your home at present can't offer this so seek a better alternative. Just ensure it is done carefully and vet potential new owners. Good luck.

That's still not acceptable at all Craic. At all.

As I said on the first page, what happens when he decides his little brother makes him anxious?

Rehome them. Their lives sound miserable. Talk to your local branch of Cats' Protection. Their interest will be the wellbeing of the cats but they might not be too impressed with you admittedly.

In taking on a pet, you have an obligation to ensure the lifetime care of that pet - it seems that your circumstances have changed in that you now have allergies - your obligation remains however, and you should take steps to ensure their care... contact Cats' Protection for advice. (We have rehomed two adult cats from CP, both of whom had "issues" (and one from our vet because she growls and had a tendency to bite people and so couldn't be rehomed elsewhere) and they enjoy a good life with us - there is always some demand - stop beating yourself up and take steps to sort your situation.)

Poor cats. Letting your horrible child chase and scare them disgusts me.

Yes re home them.

This really is a prime example of the AIBU at its worst. OP, you'd have had a far more empathetic response on The Litter Tray board I suspect. Some of the extreme statements in some of these replies are just ludicrous and I hope the posters are proud of themselves for calling a frightened 4 year old 'vile', 'horrible' and suggesting he's a budding psychopath. FFS.

His behaviour is VERY concerning, Girl

Most people who aren't really into animals just leave well alone.

Lots of people here talking about animal cruelty. What about child cruelty... Smacking children, shouting at them until they cry.... Yeah because modelling violence and anger towards him is really going to help him understand how to treat other living creature - human or otherwise.

On any other thread you'd all be criticised and condemned for this behaviour.

There's being too soft, I get that, but the answer is not the other extreme.

Keep the cats, rehome DS?

Just a thought!

Use Petal Leaf for cats (google it) on your cats (there's a dog version as well). It really helps with pet allergies - my partner is allergic but using it once a week (it's a clear liquid and you rub it on the cats' fur - they don't love it but it's worth it) means he doesn't have any symptons. Those poor cats, agree with all posters that pets are not toys to be thrown out when they're no longer convenient.

Only two posters have advocated smacking. I hate smacking, but I think a raised voice in this instance to convey the urgency of the situation is needed.

Again, what happens when he decides he's frightened of his little brother?

If this was my child, I would be telling him in no uncertain terms this did NOT happen in our house. That running at or frightening the cats did NOT happen. That it is cruel and wrong to distress animals. And I would absolutely deal with it sternly if it did.

If the OP cannot deal with a four year old scaring cats, what will she do when her child is fourteen and frightening and intimidating other children? Will his teacher sit him down and get him to write things he likes and dislikes about the other child? No. He will be told he doesn't do that.

This is awful. I absolutely hate smacking but helplessly saying 'oh well,what can you do ...' is equally not on and is not helping this little boy in the long run.

Petal Cleanse, sorry - always get this wrong.

Typical MN putting cats before people.

Not all of us who are concerned about the treatment of the cats, the OP 's attitude and the implications of her son' s behaviour have advocated violence.

If he's reacting like that to ALL animals, its clear he has some issues that need looking into independently, there is obviously something going on.. its not normal to react so negatively to other living creatures, be they cats or frogs.

As to the cats, i think if your allergies are that bad, and you don't feel you can care for them, then rehoming is a good idea.

Personally, i would look for a local 'out of home' rescue who use fostering rather than a cat kennel while their cats wait for a new home, as with older cats it can take longer to find a home, and fostering is better for their mental health!

Marylin - no, not quite. It's not putting cats before people in the sense that anyone would advocate (say)

AIBU to rehome my cats? We've unexpectedly been made homeless and new place doesn't accept pets - yes, not your fault.
AIBU to rehome my cats because DH lost his job very unexpectedly and we just can't afford their food - totally.
AIBU to rehome my cats because we've had an amazing opportunity in Canada - yep.

I can think of hundreds of examples where life just changes and it's no ones fault and no one should be made to feel bad about that.

However, there is a world of difference between a massive (and unexpected) change in lifestyle and a little boy deciding that he doesn't like cats, therefore he has the right to terrorise them.

I think having an allergy to a pet is a good enough reason to rehome it.

a bad allergy, certainly.

my cat is moulting at the moment, and i'm suffering. itchy nose, watery eyes, constant sneezing, but i'm just sucking it up as its only temporary.. i wouldn't rehome her because when she sheds in the spring i suffer a bit more!

I bought myself a load of antihistamines and i hoover more to get the fur up!

But if the OP feels she can't deal with it (and its not nice, i feel like crap, so i sympathise) then thats her decision to make.