To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

Thanks for your thoughts - I was hoping for some balanced ( ie some mean and some nice answers). Lots of thinking to do. I would not be considering this wihtout the allergy issue and i should probably try daily antihistamines first as a trial to see if it helps. Rehoming would def need to be to a specific home - our vets said they could help me with that if i wanted. Point about them being older is a good one though.

Clearly some of you have small children who always do what you say! After 3yrs of discipling ds1 over the cat issue I am out of ideas. Tried usual time out, sending him out the room and letting cats back in, toy confiscation, charts for whole days of not shouting at the cats leading to little treat etc to no avail. Now they mainly avoid him ....unsurprisingly! Would also be open to ideas - i have tried!

Poor cats. Please at least stop your ds's behaviour towards them.

Definitely re-home and don't feel guilty. You are doing the best thing for everyone including them. You are allergic and they are not getting the attention they need.

Phone around local rescues though and be prepared that there might be a wait before they can take them.

Unfortunately it is fast approaching kitten season so many rescues will be busy. They will add the cats to a waiting list though.

I'm feeling guilty now. We recently re homed our six year old large dog who we owned from a puppy. This was heartbreaking to do but was done because my DH became terminally ill and needed 24/7 care from me. Our dog was used to a long six mile walk every day with my husband and became depressed and frustrated without his walks and attention. I tried in vain to make the situation work but with a poorly DH and a disabled child, it quickly became impossible.

We re-homed him with friends of a friend who are besotted with him. He gets several long walks a day and lots of fuss and attention from a large family. It was a difficult decision as I'd promised him a forever home but the decision was made in our pet's best interests. We keep in touch via email and get regular photos. I would never have re-homed him without vetting the new owners thoroughly and agree that a rescue centre will not give you peace of mind.

YABU. Those poor cats. You got them. You "used to" love them.

You allow a four year old child to abuse them. And the really sad thing is, they're still better with you than in a shelter.

We have two adopted cats (eight and nine when we got them) and we'd been the only potential adopters in the previous six months. I'm also a bit allergic. I take a piriton when it's bad.

We love them. Present tense.

Shame on you.

Daffyduck1 - your decision is completely understandable. I'm so sorry about your husband.

What happens to cats in shelters that don't get rehomed? Do they live at the shelter forever or do they get pts eventually? This makes me want to adopt all the older cats

Daffy I can't see that you have anything to feel guilty about.

daffy your situation was completely different. I'm glad your dog found a second happy home. Sorry to hear about your husband.

Cats protection don't put healthy cats down. They will find them a home but don't expect them to be very chuffed with you.

My children are now 10 and 12. We have always had 2 cats and a dog. We had them before they were born. I never allowed them to hurt the animals or chase them. If they tried to pull their tails or anything as toddlers they were firmly told no.

Why do you tolerate such horrid behaviour from a child? needs to be taught to respect animals.

Your allergies are a valid point but the others aren't. My oldest doesn't do as he's told and has been teasing the cats but as he's got older he's gradually learnt to be kind to them. They also learnt to stay out of his way!

In your position I would say you do have a moral obligation to them and need to rehome them properly.

Shelters are not terrible. We had to rehome my aunt's 14 year old cat when my aunt went into full time nursing care. It was so sad but my own cat is 17 abd couldn't cope with an interloper. My aunts cat found a new home after 5 months.

I was warned against private adoption because people pretend to be lovely and are secretly buying cats as bait for illegal dog fights.

Take them to a shelter and never never get a pet again.

Please don't ever take on another pet, especially given your son's behaviour.. I hope you find responsible owners who will give your cats the decent treatment they deserve.

Thank you for the lovely comments. This thread reminded me how much I miss my darling doggy friend. I know he is happy in his new home but still feel guilt that he's not here with me However he's graduated from a basket to his own sofa with a velvet throw and eats far nicer meals than me (venison stew anyone? ). He's part of a busy household of boys and gets cuddled and fussed over constantly. His new family keep inviting me to visit but I'd hate to confuse or distress him so think a clean break is better for him.

What consequences do you give ds1 for abusing the cat?

Whatever you end up doing about the cats, you really need to teach your son how to behave around animals before something serious happens.

I have animal allergies and couldn't live like that day in day out, antihistamines barely take the edge off for me

Can I just say, it's really not as simple as brightly saying 'rehome them!'

I got my elderly cat from a shelter eight years ago now. I wanted an adult cat because as sweet as kittens are, I'd just moved into a new house and wanted to keep it 'nice'.

My cat was just lovely. Very friendly without being overly demanding, happy to lie by the radiator in winter and sprawled out in the garden in summer, fully litter trained, very patient with various small children 'loving' him - I don't know how he came to be in the shelter but I think he may have been with a young family.

Anyway, he had been there eighteen months

My cat loved people. Loved being my my side and loved sitting on friends laps. He must have been so lonely in that shelter, even though the staff were very kind.

He was PTS sixteen months ago due to cancer and I'm so glad he could live out the rest of his days happily with me. But there just isn't a big queue of people like me.

I was going to go back and get another adult cat from the shelter but life had other ideas and I found two black cats in an abandoned house - they'd just been left I wasn't really looking for another cat at that point, but what could I do? Because of their history they aren't as nice as my other one, they are quite nervous and although one of them is sometimes extremely affectionate and loving at other times he acts like I'm a cat serial killer

The point is, rescue centres are going to be full to bursting soon with kittens. I'm afraid people do go for them and you can see why - they are gorgeous, playful and sweet and they are plentiful. Meanwhile, loving cats like mine get ignored. Trust me on this.

Even if you get the odd person looking for an adult, they take one. One cat - and how many others do you think end up waiting? I can also tell you that a responsible rescue centre will definitely keep them together but that means their wait will be longer.

I fully appreciate there are times in life when circumstances change and I wouldn't tell anybody they should never ever rehome a pet because life happens. However, I'm concerned by the blasé answers on here which suggest the cats will be instantly snatched up by loving owners. Loving people who like cats tend to already have them. It's a rare moment when a loving and cat free home walk into the rescue centre wanting two adults

I second the enquiry about what will happen if your son decides he doesn't like his brother.

I had rehome two cats a few years ago when ex husband left me. I couldn't afford to buy on my own and couldn't take the cats with me to rented flat. Ex had no interest in taking them. My parents had 3 cats already.

I luckily found good homes. 1 cat stayed with purchasers of house and 1 went to a friend of friends; he was then re homed again to her mum. The cats didn't much like each other so were glad to be apart (I think).

I was very sad never to see them go and felt guilty. I thought they were in my life forever. But that became impossible.

Do you have friends or family who can help?

I think trying ant-histamine would be a start and if it doesn't work you might have to make the hard decision. . I'm not sure what to say about your DS. I have a similarly aged DD who struggles with getting "stuff". He may well grow out of it and love them when he's older.

I'm sure you never wanted this to happen. you do have a responsibility to them but there are things you can do to ensure they have a good home, just a different one to where they are now.

I never react like this to threads but this is horrible.

You do not give up on your pets because you don't want them anymore, you suck up the allergies and you stop your son terrorising living creatures - immediately!

FFS, give the child a bollocking next time he shouts at the cats or chases them. If what you are doing so far doesn't work, give him more serious consequences.

Cats are not toys to be thrown away when they don't fit with your lifestyle anymore, unless there are genuine reasons that you can't give them the care they need, as in Daffy's situation.

I don't think YABU in rehoming them due to your allergies; we have a plethora of other people's cast-off pets and they're great. Our dog we rehomed from friends of friends, I wouldn't be without her. Our four cats were all acquired in the same way, it's not as dreadful as some might imagine. I would go down the route of taking your time and asking around if anyone knows anyone who'd like them, and vetting the people they go to; there's nothing wrong in asking to see whee/how they live before saying yes.

As for your DS, I would be quite strict on how he's treating them. DS1 is 10 now but as a baby always loved animals. DS2 (now 5) was a devil and would chase and pull and grab anything he could get his hands on. Our cats were terrified of him (and the semi-feral one scratched him badly once, he learned nothing). I would put up a reward chart; reward any positive behaviour towards the cats, model the behaviour too where possible, and if he chases or scares them, removal of something he likes for a set time. It doesn't have to be a huge punishment; just enough to show him that when he's unkind there's a consequence. DS2 even now has to be reminded to use his kind hands; lots of praise helps him.

Allergies are an understandable reason to rehome, but the rest of your post makes me angry and really upset for your cats.

I have two from the same litter - they're 3 and I would never give them
up. I love them to bits, despite the things they've destroyed!