To be considering rehoming my two cats

[dairymilkmonster]

Didn't put this on pet forum as too scared!

Major quandry here. We have two cats, age 6, who we have had since they were kittens. Initially I loved them very much but they came untrained (despite the claim from the household i got them from) and took about 4mo to train which put my dh off immediately. DH had tried to talk me out of having them initially.

Current issues:

1. In the past year i have been increasingly becoming allergic to the cats. My eyes are watering and itchy whenever i touch them (so i avoid it now) and i am having to close the doors to stop them going on the bed /sofa or I am coming up in a rash. Unfortunately they have reasonably thick fur and shed everywhere (more so than various friends cats) so i am constantly hoovering to prevent me sneezing and sniffling. I can't really love the cats properly like this and am finding i am getting resentful of the extra work and symptoms.
   

1. My ds1 actively dislikes the cats and always has for some inexplicable reason. He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them. I have endlessly worked on this, read books about nice pets that we love, talked about being kind to animals and even at school they did something on caring for pets. I asked him today to tell me all the things he liked and disliked about the cars. He came up with 10things he didnt like ( essentially, them existing) and nothing he did!
   

1. DH has no interest in the cats (ds2 is a baby and hasnt really noticed them yet!) and just thinks they stress me out and create work and expense.
   

Recently we have started discussing rehoming them. hoping they might go somewhere where they can be well cared for but perhaps recieve more love /strokes than here and reduce my allergic symptoms and household stress considerably. Moral dilemma - what if i regret it? Is this just really selfish and cruel? do i have a moral obligation to these cats?

AIBU to do this or even consider it?
Thoughts welcome.

[2ManySweets]

Brie did I say you'd called the boy a psycho? No.

Am I aiming my ire at those who have done? Yes.

Am I reacting to your admonishment that I've made myself "Thread Queen" because I'm calling people unfair? Yes. You're by proxy defending their behaviour.

The irony is that we probably think similarly. To be honest when people get pets I firmly believe they should be vetted (boom) to see if they are a) suitable b) allergic c) planning a family in the next 10 years. If the answer to b) or c) is "yes" than no pet.

Where a pet exists in the home, I believe that bringing a baby/child into the equation can be crap for all parties concerned: pet and child. It's a omission on the part of the parents to factor this in when getting a pet in the first place that leads to (IMHO) too many pets being rehomed for "inconvenience". And it's a bloody shame on the animal.

But hey! that's just my totalitarian view

[JessicaRuby]

There is an undeniable correlation between abusing animals in childhood and going on to display 'psychopathic tendencies'. It's not at all an idiotic link to make.

FWIW I never called the ds a psycho nor do I think he'll grow up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer. It's still uncomfortable to watch OP dismiss it as not a big deal and, as someone up thread said, use it as a teachable moment instead of disciplining him.

No one is saying that it's abnormal to not have an affinity with animals, it is abnormal to show no empathy towards them as living creatures though.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

He needs a sharp smack to the backside and sent to bed. I bet you he wouldn't do it again.

This is a four year old child who is chasing away and shouting at a cat he doesn't like. If his parents start smacking him, they will be teaching him that violence is acceptable. Let me see, what is most likely to be the target of any attempt to copy them?

[JessicaRuby]

To be fair I think a lot of people (myself included) were under the impression the boy is doing a lot worse than shouting and chasing - the OP didn't clarify that until a few pages in. While it's still far from ideal it doesn't sound like he's going out of his way to cause them harm.

I think some more effective discipline is needed here OP but I'm sure you've gathered that already from the responses!

[sweetkitty]

I rehomed one of my cats to my Dad when the DC came along. She was one of three cats abs the other two bullied her she was a skittish little thing and we always said she would have preferred a home with no other pets and children. My Dad was looking for a at but didn't want a kitten so best for both of them. She lived the rest of her life happy.

We have one 16 year old boy left, he's seen 4 children and a pup come into the house, he's the boss though. The children have been brought up to respect animals they steal cat and dog lovers.

I think children's attitudes to animals come from their parents, if the parents have no interest the children tend not to.

It's a really sad situation poor cars have you no family members/friends who would take them?

[QuiteLikely5]

I would get rid of them as for the people criticising your son just ignore. Kids do fool around with animals it's a normal part of growing up and learning about the world.

You have tried for six years so you wouldn't be letting them go on a whim.

Ignore the cat extremists!!

[Costacoffeeplease]

Kids do fool around with animals it's a normal part of growing up and learning about the world.

Frightening, chasing, scaring animals is not a normal part of growing up, don't be so fucking ridiculous

[ilovesooty]

I think children's attitudes to animals come from their parents, if the parents have no interest the children tend not to

Given the parents' attitude the cats he doesn't have any role modelling in terms of treating them positively. I don't see this hostility as a normal part of growing up though.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

To be fair I think a lot of people (myself included) were under the impression the boy is doing a lot worse than shouting and chasing - the OP didn't clarify that until a few pages in

No, she said in the first post "He always chases them out of the room (4yrs) and shouts at them". Nothing more.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

I'm not advocating smacking the kid but he needs to be taught that actions have consequences, not have a story read to him! Take away something important to him, a favourite toy maybe, and make it clear he can only have it back when he proves he knows how to treat animals.

I have to say that if any of my friends had children who I knew behaved like this around animals they wouldn't be welcome in my house.

[marfisa]

I am a huge cat lover but I also suffer from allergies (not to cats, fortunately) and as others on this thread have said, allergies are indeed a valid reason to rehome your cats. Suffering from allergies is horrible and in my experience antihistamines help but don't completely alleviate the symptoms. You do have a moral obligation to keep the cats but not if they're making you ill.

Finding a shelter to take them would be best as the shelter will screen potential adopters to make sure they go to a good home.

I think your son's behaviour is not atypical for a 4-yr-old. I also had the experience of raising older cats and young children together and it can be tricky. But we were committed to keeping the cats and things did get better over time, with lots of patience and vigilance. It sounds like you need to keep your cats and your DS apart at the moment.

Not to derail the thread, but I am utterly horrified that wicker is suggesting smacking your DS as a way of handling the situation. That would be a surefire way of making your DS resent the cats even more! Hitting your kid as a way of teaching him to be kind to animals -- the mind boggles.

Smacking is child abuse, pure and simple. wicker, I feel so sorry for your DC.

[marfisa]

Just to reiterate, I'm always appalled to hear stories of people who rehome their pets after having children. I just can't get my head round it. But allergies IMO are a different matter entirely.

[lottielou7]

I'm not usually an advocate of punishments but in this case I would tell your ds if he mistreats the cats then he can't watch tv/no sweets, whatever his favourite thing is.

At his age he probably behaves like this towards them because he realises it causes a reaction and no more.

[enchantedfairytale]

There's a big difference between a toddler annoying a cat and a four year old deliberately frightening a cat.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Marfisa I agree. Genuine allergies are a good reason to rehome, presuming it's definitely the cats. I have a tree pollen allergy and when I spoke to my GP she insisted it was more likely to be an allergy to my cat. This is despite me not having any problems for most of the year, only in early spring.

[lottielou7]

Smacking is child abuse. Would you hit another adult Wicker?

[isseywithcats]

i cant believe how many people think that two six year old cats are going to spend the rest of their lives in a rescue, the one i work for rehomes cats of all ages and temprements,
it may take a little while longer but on average older cats stay at the center around two to three months, and potential new owners are vetted and matched to the best cat for them, if you rehome to a friend or friend of a friend there is nothing to stop them passing the cats on to someone else, at a rescue they have back up if rehome dosent work

this isnt america where they only have so many days and are the PTS theres only on charity that does do this not going to name but im sure people can guess which one

if you saw the pens at our rescue they are pure luxury they have outside run, indoor part with heated flooring, cat genies , and volunteers who come in and fuss the cats every day so yours would probably get more attention at a centre

[mudandmayhem01]

Smacking can be child abuse is perhaps a better way of putting it. ( I am very anti smacking, mainly cos the naughtiest children I know are ones that are smacked)

[JessicaRuby]

Augusta I know what she said. I meant that people had drawn their own conclusions based on the OP's blasé attitude towards the shouting/chasing and that she's let him do it 'a million times' that there must be more to it. OP then came back to clarify a few pages in.

[SurroMummy13]

I adopted a cat. I was told he was a gentle cat. He attacked my daughter several times, crapped everywhere, scratched st the bedroom door all night every night. It ended that my daughter was scared of him. Even now, she's scared of him.

We had to give him up 31st December. Before he left, he scratched the crap out of me, left scratches all over my chest arms back and face. Left a scar on my arm.

[lottielou7]

Well, since you ignored my question I'll ask you again

Would you hit an adult?

I think it's you who needs to 'grow up' personally. Children can be disciplined without resorting to violence.