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Original poster

A message to the woman sleeping with my husband and about to introduce your kids to my kids

205 replies

mojoawol · 13/04/2016 20:09

Please please think about it. Me and DH have been separated 6 months, you've been together 2 months. Making family introductions a) this soon after our separation and b) this soon after you've known each other is complete madness.
I know you're in the same place I was several years ago - he seems like the most amazing person you've ever met, you get each other, you connect blah blah.
You don't really know him yet. Slow down. My kids have been through alot recently. I'm sure your kids have too. There's no need to rush things. This is too soon.
Please.

OP posts:
oliviaclottedcream · 14/04/2016 09:35

summerdreams The trouble is this is not random women we're talking about.

So this is a specific woman. The OP's new partner who has children of her own. Not someone her blindfolded ex picked out of a crowd.

Eustace2016 · 14/04/2016 09:41

They usually want to introduce them quickly because they want some new muggins female partner to do the dross of the child care, cook the food and deal with the child. It's rarely about love and the child's best interests. Most reasonable fathers I know even with a lover wll move out, rent alone and not move the lover in for a year and never see the lover when they have the children. Well they aren't reasonable at all for breaking marriage vows of course but better than some.

The better course is you sort out your marriage and if you can't you divorce fully and just masturbate in the period before you are single again legally - yes it won't drop off and it will give you time to recover from the break up and the children get used to the single father. Then they can start looking for someone new and only when it is very serious and marriage might be on the cards let the children meet her for brief periods.

oliviaclottedcream · 14/04/2016 10:22

Have you misplaced your medication Eustace?

Beachtrowel · 14/04/2016 10:33

My daughter was ok with meeting my exs new partner quite early on in their relationship.

My daughter was devastated when they broke up 7 years later though.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 10:51

Olivia wins Wine

Please no discussion of masturbation this early in the morning...

Beach I was your daughter. excited to meet dad's new partners, but inconsolable when they broke up. Was after years and years though so other than making my dad better at relationships it couldn't really be prevented. I couldn't have not met them for 12 years or so...

Mum's then new boyfriend has been my stepdad for 25 years now and I met him when he picked her up for their 3rd or 4th date I think. He brought a box of roses for me and my sister (TO OURSELVES) so I was instantly won over.

Both parents were really positive about new partners and I seem ok on a good day.

I hope all goes well for the OP's kids and that the introductions are done as well as possible.

summerdreams · 14/04/2016 10:53

I just think children have the right not to be put in mentally damaging situations for the sake of equal rights.

Op you must feel absolutely gutted about this anyone would? What ever anyone else thinks if you are not happy with your children meeting this women then don't allow it just because you think you have to. you do not have to allow your children in to any situation you think is gonna damage them. Flowers

ClopySow · 14/04/2016 10:55

Did someone really suggest wanking until the decree absolute comes through?

Shitting hell.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 10:56

But summer how would she go about not allowing it? Just keep them at home and not let them see her dad?

CoolforKittyCats · 14/04/2016 11:03

Did someone really suggest wanking until the decree absolute comes through?

Apparently so Hmm

PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/04/2016 11:04

What the fuck Eustace?! Confused

Where's the op btw? I hope she read some of the nicer responses.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 11:07

I hope she read about the wanking as it sounds like she needs something to laugh about.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 14/04/2016 11:09

Of course two months (2 months! 8 weeks!!) into a new relationship (and so soon after the previous one has ended) is way too soon to start introducing children! Of course it is. Yanbu op Flowers fuck off goady twats Angry.

Op, you really really need to talk to your husband about this and try and make him see sense.

WannaBe · 14/04/2016 11:12

To the people suggesting that the OP withhold contact, ask yourself this. Is it really because of a genuine wish to protect the children? Or is it in fact that you don't want to consider that the children may develop a positive relationship with another woman?

Because actually, the more negative you make the experience, the more negative it will be for the children.

And if you think that withholding contact will be a positive experience for the children in any way what so ever, then you are deluded.

CoolforKittyCats · 14/04/2016 11:19

fuck off goady twats

Oh the irony....

summerdreams · 14/04/2016 11:34

I did not say with hold contact but explain to the childrens father that as you have your childrens best intrests at heart you will not allow him to introduce them to his new partner.
Why do these children have to meet this women?
If this man is selfish enough to not want to see his own children with out the women he is sleeping with then the children are definately better off without him. I wouldn't want to damage my children by letting them meet some women there dads sleeping with to make him happy the children will gain nothing from it.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 11:36

Cool funny how the GF haven't told anyone to fuck off isn't it?

summer if the father says no, they're my children and I believe they will be fine about having pizza with this woman or whatever then what do you do? Nothing to say the children will be damaged or that they won't gain anything from this. We don't know anything about this woman.

LaConnerie · 14/04/2016 11:43

I think possibly Eustace was aiming that 'advice' at the STBXH in that situation...

Bearlyknitted · 14/04/2016 11:43

Masturbate? That's (surely) one hell of a typo...

CoolforKittyCats · 14/04/2016 11:44

I think possibly Eustace was aiming that 'advice' at the STBXH in that situation

I know she was. Doesn't make any difference imo.

summerdreams · 14/04/2016 11:45

Then I would with hold contact. The father obviously does not give a shit about his children. The children will definately feel that that this women is replacing there mum and they will also think it is fine to jump from one relationship to another. It is not normal behaviour from the father and should not be condoned.

ProphetOfDoom · 14/04/2016 11:45

What's important to realise OP is that you are the stable force in your children's lives and always will be.

The hard part of being separated & divorced is not having control over what happens to your dcs when with the other parent when there is little or no trust. It would be so much easier if they bent to our will but since they don't, it's about making sure the dcs are physically and emotionally safe and being there to listen and encourage when they need it. And using that child free time to do something for you -very important.

Eustace2016 · 14/04/2016 11:48

My suggestion that if you have marriage problems you don't have sex with someone else but instead work them out. If you cannt then you split up and once the divorce is finalised and you've recovered from the trauma of an awful marriage and aren't on the rebound and your children are used to you both living apart then and only then you seek a new sexual partner. That is the decent way to deal with it. During that period you can masturbate. I don't think that's bad advice.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 11:48

The children will definately feel that that this women is replacing there mum and they will also think it is fine to jump from one relationship to another

Not definite at all. I didn't feel like that, children in my family don't feel like that, children of my friends don't feel like that and children I work with don't feel like that. I have no doubt at all that some do, but it is not definite and no court would think you were justified in withholding contact on this basis.

fastdaytears · 14/04/2016 11:48

Amazing. Definitely not a typo then about the wanking.

CoolforKittyCats · 14/04/2016 11:53

Then I would with hold contact.

That could land you in court*

The father obviously does not give a shit about his children.

How do you possibly know that!

The children will definately feel that that this women is replacing there mum and they will also think it is fine to jump from one relationship to another.

You have mo idea how the DC feel. People on this thread would say very different to you.

It is not normal behaviour from the father and should not be condoned.

Hmm