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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to have been offered some money?

574 replies

Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:03

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

OP posts:
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6
OwlinaTree · 09/04/2016 23:06

Should have asked for the cash straight away. Did you bring any wine, flowers etc anyway as a gift?

ollieplimsoles · 09/04/2016 23:06

refused £55 worth of stuff you didn't need? fuck that op whats the matter with you?!

Were you drinking and maybe she forgot?

Sandbrook · 09/04/2016 23:09

Could it have slipped her mind and you'll get it back tomorrow or has she form?

SavoyCabbage · 09/04/2016 23:10

You need to contact her asap about it.

Floralnomad · 09/04/2016 23:10

Id text or email and say that you've just remembered she hadn't settled up for her shopping so would she like your bank details so she can transfer the money .

AdrenalineFudge · 09/04/2016 23:12

wtf?

Pipbin · 09/04/2016 23:13

I'd text about that with something about it slipping her mind or some such.
Perhaps each partner thought the other had done it.

PPie10 · 09/04/2016 23:13

Id text or email and say that you've just remembered she hadn't settled up for her shopping so would she like your bank details so she can transfer the money .

Don't do this, it sounds so bloody rude

wigglebum84 · 09/04/2016 23:15

Yep text now or it will become awkward.

Pipbin · 09/04/2016 23:15

Bloody rude is giving someone a shopping list and not even attempting to give them any money.
It's not like it was even stuff they needed.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 09/04/2016 23:17

Could you not text and say something like "thank you for having us, great night. Do you want to transfer me the money for the bits or if it's easier you could give it to me when I see you on xxx"

SavoyCabbage · 09/04/2016 23:18

I don't think it's bloody rude. If she's forgotten then she will think 'oh no, I forgot to give my friend Blitz who did me a favour last night £55' and if she didn't forget then she's the rude one.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/04/2016 23:18

Lol, that's so bonkers it's funny.

The only possible thing I can think of (and obviously I don't know you from Adam so just throwing it out there) - but are you the kind of person who never hosts/brings 1 bottle to a party and drinks 3 etc.
if so, then that might be your explanation. #clutchingstraws

MizK · 09/04/2016 23:19

That's so awkward....YABU to want the money, but I know that in all honesty it can just be too uncomfortable to ask people outright for money. Next time you invite them to yours and they ask what to bring, rather than being polite, give them a specific list equal in value to what you spent.

MizK · 09/04/2016 23:20

I meant YANBU, sorry! Grin

grapejuicerocks · 09/04/2016 23:23

Did you take other wine etc with you too?

revealall · 09/04/2016 23:29

Presumably you'll be writing or texting her a thank you for the wonderful night?

Could you add a little reminder about the " emergency supplies" you were asked to buy. Perhaps say something along the lines of that you don't want the money but ask if any of the booze was left as you have some people coming round .

It's probably an oversight but if you just leave it so will they.

I am constantly amazed at home much it costs to go round for a group dinner. By the time you've got the bottle ( or two) of fizz, a bunch of flowers and maybe a contribution like pudding or cheese it's always nearly £20.

80schild · 09/04/2016 23:29

Now you know not to lend her anything in the future. It is not rude to ask for the money if you ask politely. It is a lot of money.

Original poster
Blitzburgher · 09/04/2016 23:30

Yes - also brought wine and beer and flowers besides shopping! And I like to think I am a good host when they come to us.

Don't know how I'd word a text - she has my bank details because we used to share a cleaner and had a standing order. This is just v awkward. Am seeing her next weekend at a similar dinner party set up with a different group of friends.

OP posts:
GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 09/04/2016 23:31

YANBU! Cheeky mare! I'd text her in the morning, thank her for a lovely evening and ask her about the money.

AndNowItsSeven · 09/04/2016 23:34

Why did the vodka go in the freezer?

Kaddy · 09/04/2016 23:35

was it a really fancy dinner party that would have cost ££££'s to host? Did you bring a 'hostess' gift?

I dont think a text would be rude. If I'd forgotten to pay someone I would welcome a reminder. How good friends are you?

ssd · 09/04/2016 23:40

now I know why I think dinner parties are for wankers

Kaddy · 09/04/2016 23:42

Sorry xpost.

It's definitely ok to text. I'd send it tomorrow.

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for the lovely evening. We had a great time. I forgot to tell you that the Waitrose shopping cost £55. Look forward to seeing you next weekend

I've worded it as politely as possible.

AyeAmarok · 09/04/2016 23:53

Kaddy's text is good.