...to want to have been offered some money?

[Blitzburgher]

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

[FinallyHere]

I'm with fluffy on this one. Give her a couple of days to transfer the money without mentioning it.

But, if there is no sign of the money, write it off and don't offer again.

While i like entertaining, i do get a bit fashed about it, though i try to seem calm on the outside. I've done more stupid things than panic buy stuff at the last minute. And then she needs some time to recover...

[CosyNook]

I'd laugh if she turns up at next weeks do with your wine, dips and vodka as gifts for the hosts!

[AliceInUnderpants]

Wow, some of you can afford to write off £55 just because you "wouldn't want to be rude and ask"?

Different planet.

[PovertyPain]

I'm just wondering, did she not realise you had already brought stuff? Did you just put it in the kitchen and she thought you'd came empty handed and the stuff was from someone else? Either that or she's an arsehole.

[DoreenLethal]

'Hi - didn't want to mention it last night but the Waitrose order was £55. I am a bit pushed this month so could you transfer it straight to my bank account otherwise it will be a bit short. Lovely party. Ta x'

[lottielou7]

I thought the same Alice!

[StuffandBother]

You could text 'fab night last night, what was the vodka for? I was expecting some sort of crazed cocktail (thank goodness we didn't! I feel hungover enough as it is!) did you give me the money for the Waitrose shop? I was obviously drunker than I though as I can't remember' love from potentially mugged off friend

[astitchinwine]

£500 for a dinner party for 10

Lololololololol

[esiotrot2015]

OP have you checked your bank to see if she has already transferred it over?

The party was last night ?! She's probably still in bed !

[hollyisalovelyname]

Wait till Wednesday.
With the faff of dinner party preparation and clearing up it may have slipped her mind to give you the money.
If she hasn't given it to you by Wednesday she has either completely forgotten or never intended paying you back.
If the latter then ask for it back. She's then proved she's not a nice 'friend' to have.

[ProfessorPickles]

I wouldn't mention that you are short on money at all, even if that is the case, because it's completely irrelevant and feels more like begging for it back when you possibly aren't. She owes the money, whether or not the OP has £10 or £10k sat in the bank.

I also thought what on earth at the £500 for 10 people a dinner party. That's one pricey party!

[AppleSetsSail]

I wouldn't mention money problems either.

Is she wealthy? Is it possible that she's just blithely assumed it's not an issue?

[TitaniumSpider]

Next time you invite them to yours send a text asking her to stop at Waitrose for caviar, champagne etc etc.

Oh and why doesn't the MN spell checker know how to spell caviar? Have I stumbled onto Netmums by mistake?!

[HalsallRedux]

It's the fact that she accepted the shopping and simply didn't mention the money at all that enrages me. Apart from being cheeky and grabbing, she's put you in a very awkward position and caused you all this worry about what to do.

Not on at all. I'd be asking for the money, politely as above, and if it turns out that she seriously expected you to donate £55-worth of alcohol to her already-full wine-rack, I'd be letting this friendship go.

[FlowersAndShit]

The brass neck of some people never ceases to amaze me.

[AliceInUnderpants]

Jamie Oliver is shaking his head at Collaborate right now

[Viviennemary]

Send a text. She's just' either forgetful or downright cheeky. I'd go for downright cheeky since she remembered to return your bag with nothing in it and the spoils spirited away in her cupboard. Who needs friends like that.

[Shinyshoes2]

Did she ' charge' everyone £55.00 ? If not you got the raw end of the deal
Have u texted her yet ?
Ask for the money

[becksblue]

Have her round for dinner next. About an hour before she's due to arrive send her a shopping list! The bigger the better. Sorted!

Seriously though I think it would be so awkward to bring up and all the suggested texts I've seen so far sound so passive aggressive, even with the xx's

Unless you need the money I think you'll need to write it off as part of the cost of the night. You would probably be cheaper to go out for a meal next time!

[SquidgeyMidgey]

The party was last night ?! She's probably still in bed ! holding her head after drinking OP's vodka, no doubt!

I was thinking more along the lines that she might have done it last night. She already has OP's bank details so assuming they're stored on her banking as a previous payment then a few taps on mobile banking and it's done. Possibly.

[Delacroix]

That's some balls. No wonder she's got a full wine rack, I wonder how many times she's pulled this one before?

Text later today "Hi, great night blah blah. Do you want to give me the cash for the shopping when we see each other or do a transfer?" Then she'll probably go mental at you and say she thought it was an offer of a gift and you can back away slowly.

[Threefaries]

I'm lurking because I want to know the outcome.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Marking place

[errorofjudgement]

Op you said the receipt had been taken out of the bag, presumably by your friend, & hopefully so she can sort out the payment today - after the stress of hosting 10 people!
I would go for a more subtle approach along the lines of "thanks for a great evening, sorry we were a bit late, but worked out OK as I was able to pick up the extras for you at the shop"
Hostess might not have wanted to mention what she owed you in front of the other guests, when she returned your bag

[Jitterybug]

I would send a text to remind her, I presume she was just preoccupied with hosting last night and forgot to reimburse you before you left.