...to want to have been offered some money?

[Blitzburgher]

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

[ItsInTheDogsMouth]

Clutching at straws...but p'raps she sent you the text as a joke, then you turn up with these things and she just thinks you've been very generous with your 'gifts' that you are bringing to her dinner party. After all, it's normal to arrive with a bottle and some flowers or whatever, p'raps she just thought you'd gone a bit ott with your presents.

[M00nUnit]

Have you texted her yet? It's gone 11am so she should hopefully have slept off any hangover by now.

[SeaCabbage]

Loads of suggestions here for how to text asking for the money. With texting it's so easy - no face to face stuff. I like the suggestions where you put the onus on yourself for forgetting, rather than blaming her. ie Thanks for last night, really lovely evening. I forgot to ask you for hte money for the shopping - it was £55, please could you put it into my account, you've got the details. See you next week. xx

Please please come back and tell us what you did and how it worked out. Good luck.

[OohMavis]

I must be an uncouth rude cow, because whenever I pick something up for someone from the shops I hand them the receipt immediately and tell them how much it came to. With a nice, bright smile

There's never any confusion then.

[Blitzburgher]

Thanks for all the replies. Bit at posters judging my finances, slightly besides the point?

Have just texted "Morning! Thanks for hosting last night - had so much fun and that lemon tart was amazing! Do you still have my bank details to transfer that money for the shopping? Xx"

[CandyFlossBrain]

Definitely give her a couple of days. She took the receipt. If I did that it would be to remind myself how much I owed.

[Kaddy]

Sounds like a good reply to me.

[spirallinganxiety]

I think your text is perfect blitz. Let us know what happens .

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Good text op

I'm a bit at people saying write it off because it would be rude to ask, you do realise that sometimes not wanting to seem rude means that you are actually being a doormat

[flumpybear]

Your text seems polite and correct to do this too as she was hosting it she should have been providing, or at least the same arrangements you usually do at such events.

Is this something you may expect? I had a friend who would always try to pay less, if we all went out for dinner we'd put our money in the pot, including a tip and sometimes needing change and she'd ask the waiter to 'take the balance from her card' so ended up paying less and people didn't get their change and the restaurant didn't get their tips- This went on for a while and a more upfront and honest friend pulled her up on it!! It was about 15 years ago so she's better now but I still get a bit antsy around her with money - there were other incidents where she owed me a few £100's of pounds and it took her mum to pay me back agai

[BrienneofQarth]

Keep us posted as to what she replies!

[StayAChild]

The fact that she purposely kept the receipt from the bag and she has your bank details suggests that she will deal with it. I would check your bank account over the next week, before you see her again.
Still very rude and odd to not say that she'd transfer the money when handing your bag back.

I wouldn't want someone to choose 4 bottles of wine for me - one of us would nip out if we'd forgotten something like that, but then it doesn't sound like it was a forgotten necessity if it wasn't used that night.

Some people are so laid back about these things. Wouldn't even think it could upset you. She hasn't forgotten she asked you to get them, how could she?
I don't think I could bring myself to ask for it, but I would never feel the same about them and I wouldn't be inviting them back for a long time either.

[Janecc]

"She was very rude and odd". This is a bit judgemental perhaps more likely preoccupied?

[Yoksha]

I don't have a problem asking for money I'm owed. I also don't have a problem being reminded I owe others. My Bf bought me tights a while ago that cost about £13:00 for the 2prs. Several months passed. This went totally out of my mind. She reminded me. I was shocked at having forgotten. Me who doesn't even let people of with as little as 5p. Nor do I let it go when I have to give them as little as 5p in return.

Theres a running joke in my family. How do you get rid of Yoksha?

Throw 5p under a bus.

[HalsallRedux]

Well done, OP. The thing is - yes, she was preoccupied, yes, she was hosting a dinner party and might have been stressed, but who wouldn't say at the time
' thanks for bringing the shopping, haven't got cash on me but I'll transfer the money sometime during the coming week'?

It's just a weird thing to do as is asking a dinner guest to bring you £55-worth of shopping in the first place

[StayAChild]

This is a bit judgemental perhaps more likely preoccupied?

Yes that's true, possibly saying goodbye to more guests at the same time. I think I would have given her time to get back to me about it, hence checking the bank account over the next week.

[Fluffyears]

Hopefully it was just an oversight. Also you should all put vodka in the freezer (it doesn't freeze) it makes it much nicer and you don't need ice which waters down your drink.

[whois]

Yeah I'm with everyone else, just text Asaph before it becomes awkward. "Thanks for the lovely night, [insert pleasantly here such as hope clearing up wasn't too bad]. I totally forgot to get some money off you for the shopping, it came to £55. Please can you transfer over? Cheers."

[Singsongsungagain]

I'm afraid I would probably just have written it off and made sure I didn't make the same mistake again.

[Penguinepenguins]

I wouldn't ask for the money back as a guest. I would however offer as a host.

I used to host lots of dinner parties, always go above and beyond with very nice food and nice wine. One friend never hosted and she would always call and ask what to bring, I'd always just say couple of bottle of wine but she would always turn up with about £50 of wine, and sweets always offered to give her cash and her view was she never hosted and that £50 for the food and effort I put in for a good enjoyable night out was a good deal. Easily spend that on a "quick" night out in London.

Another friend would turn up with a bottle of cava or £5 bottle of wine (once half drunk) and would generally drink about £60 worth of booze... She also never hosted and in the end was never invited by the five other people in the group who did (or never hosting friend as even she felt it took the piss)

Maybe the wine they had in the rack was very expensive wine? We have some bottles that are worth a lot of money and are reserved only for very special occasions, so it may be they didn't want those being drunk and fair enough. I'm sure there was other wine on offer, maybe they were concerned they would run out and vodka in a freezer is the only way to drink it IMO.

I'm with the I wouldn't text as £55 for a good meal, good company and wine on tap for two people is great value!

[notapizzaeater]

I'd hope it was an oversight, perhaps when it's your turn to host you could ask her to pop to the shops ?

[StealthPolarBear]

Im sure if she kept the receipt she plans to pay
presumably the vodka was in case anyone asked for vodka to drink but no one did. Bit surprised at all the confusion on the thread about this, does anyone really get the bottle out and say "now you will all drink vodka"? But if we're having people over I like to have some in in case someone wants vodka and coke.
And the pp who asked do you know how much it costs to host - why do you assume the op doesn't host parties and spend am equivalent amount of money herself? In most friendship groups these arrangements are reciprocal surely?

[lottielou7]

If people want money in exchange for a dinner party and are keeping a mental note of how much they've spent compared with everyone else then I don't know why they don't just sell tickets to it

[BeckyMcDonald]

I think it's weird she was short of all those things to start with. Who forgets all that off the shopping list? And if you did, surely you'd have gone back earlier in the day to get the stuff, not just wait until a guest randomly happens to be in the supermarket at the last minute.

Aside from all that, she's rude and it's awkward but I still wouldn't have texted. I'd just file it away and probably stew on it for maybe, oooh, about three years?