...to want to have been offered some money?

[Blitzburgher]

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

[Mousefinkle]

She should have taken the shopping and been like "let me get the cash for you..." But for whatever reason forgot so left you in the slightly awkward position of having to ask. It'll bug you for ages if you don't ask. You really should have done it then and there when she didn't offer it up but as you didn't you need to text. "Forgot all about the money for the shopping, sort it next weekend?" But make sure you don't forget to follow up on it!

(Another one that finds it strange for vodka to go in the freezer.)

[Runningupthathill82]

Mouse and others - it's not strange at all for vodka to go in the freezer. A Polish friend introduced me to this a few years ago, and they know their vodka.
It makes the vodka thicker, improves the "texture" IYSWIM. Doesn't freeze the liquid, obviously, due to the alcohol content. Try it!

[Daffodil90]

My vodka lives in the freezer....soooo much better

Agree with PPs, a lighthearted text, if she questions it you can back up your argument with 'bottles/vodka not used so assumed was just doing you a favour'

£55 is a lot to be forgotten

[gooru]

I would definitely send a text, framing it along the lines of 'grocery shopping', as it wasn't used at the party. How bizarre!

[BarbaraofSeville]

As well as the money, which the OP does need to get reimbursed as is obviously far too much to write off in the name of politeness, I think it was cheeky to ask for those things that weren't needed that evening. Fine if they were worried that there wasn't enough wine for the evening but not what was effectively normal shopping that the host could get next time they go shopping. Did they specify brands etc, or did they expect you to choose?

[fruitlovingmonkey]

YANBU what kind of a chef serves supermarket dips!

[Bambooshoots14]

Could it of been because you were running late and she was annoyed? She maybe sent the items as a joke and didn't realise you'd actually get them?

[RainbowInACloud]

Maybe they had spent a lot on the food and wine etc. so didn't think £55 was too much to contribute.
I get where you are coming from OP but would find it very hard to ask for it back especially when they had probably spent multiples of that on hosting the meal in the first place.

[spirallinganxiety]

Have you any idea how much it costs to host a dinner party for 10 people? You'll never be invited back if you mention it.

Totally not the point IMO. Plus never being asked back would be a bonus if this is the thieving kind of friend the host is. I would send midcentury's text OP. £55 is a day's wages for a lot of people. I am angry on your behalf. Who cares about politeness - certainly your "friend" doesn't .

[Bellasima20]

Rainbow...arrrghhhh!! It was their decision to host a dinner party. By hosting a dinner party you are the host inviting guests and knowingly incurring costs/upheaval but get the pay off of hopefully hosting a lovely memorable night, showing off your lovely home , getting a few bottles wine from guests and hopefully getting an invite back from guests in future. You do not host to try and make profit. You do not host in an attempt to get a huge cut of said costs back!

Her shopping list request was completely cheeky (and clearly IMO not a "joke") and of COURSE she should reimburse OP- who already came armed with kind gifts. Kaddy's text is PERFECT- send it please.

[OliviaStabler]

Maybe she asked her DH to square the money with you and he forgot.

[UrgentSchoolHelp]

But the OP had already brought gifts of wine, beer and chocolates (or was it cheese?)!!

I hope the host just totally forgot and will send a panicked text offering the money.

Asking for it is very awkward.

[LagunaBubbles]

£55!! No way would I let it go! Why didn't you say "that's £55 you owe me when handing it over"?

And Smiley the cost of the dinner party is completely irrelevant - you don't ask people to dinner and get them to pay for their food, they brought stuff along already to.

[SouthDownsSunshine]

This is unbelievable! That's my weekly shopping budget. Do send Kaddy's text, or I fear you'll never get the money back.

[UpsiLondoes]

Who has exact change in cash on hand? I think it would really insulting to assume she wasn't planning on transferring the money to you on Monday and she assumed this was just given.

Why? She brought you back your bag and kept the receipt so she knew exactly how much to transfer on Monday!

I'd be really insulted if I got a text from you assuming I hadn't meant to pay you after I just hosted you at my home.

Is there a reason you are thinking the worst of your friend?

[spirallinganxiety]

I genuinely don't think asking is awkward, and if the friend is a good one who really just forgot to pay, then she will cough up straight away and it can all be forgotten. Not asking will mean that it is permanently at the back of OP's mind and will ruin the friendship in any case IMO.

[VioletTea]

YANBU at all
A friend shouldn't put you in this position. Send the text asap or it will get awkward.

[Wilding]

I'd just send a text saying "thanks for dinner, was lovely. You OK to transfer over the money for the shopping? It was £55. See you next week x"

I don't really get why this is a big deal, if you're friends then surely she won't be offended. It's too much money not to say anything!

[Blueberry234]

I probably would have assumed if I was a good enough friend to invite over for food then I would assume you would have trusted me to transfer the money the next day especially if I already had your bank details, so would have been a little offended if I get a text so early after the night. I would have however awknowledged it by telling you I would be doing so

[miraclebabyplease]

Op bought flowers and wine for the host and got the shopping. Plus, op is hosting them next weekend! And they still didn't pay, cheeky sods! Hopefully it just slipped their minds.

[WipsGlitter]

Definitely send a text. She probably forgot in the stress of getting stuff organised.

[YoJesse]

YANBU that's weird and it's a lot of money. I think the text sounds good.
The longer you leave it the more awkward it gets.

[Caprinihahahaha]

Hang on, so she went into the kitchen, got your bag for life, handed it to you..
what exactly did she say at that point?

Is there anything she has done before to let you understand why she would get you to buy wine and vodka she didn't need or serve?

I would find it impossible to hand the bag over without reference to your doing the shopping and thanking you which would immediately compel me to explain when I was repaying you

Mind you I could never ask a guest to buy loads of wine etc so I'm out of my depth tbh.

[SurroMummy13]

No, it may be uncomfortable but if she really forgot, she'll feel awful and give you it back.

If she hadn't forgot and/or refuses, she's being an Asshole.