...to want to have been offered some money?

[Blitzburgher]

Just back from dinner at a friend's. Five couples in total, lovely evening. Slightly late because of nipping to the shop for cigarettes for DH on the way there. Texted friend when at shop "There in 15 mins, do you need anything from Waitrose?" just as a pleasantry really. Received reply "Yes - can you get 4 bottles red wine, crisps, dips and bottle vodka". Slightly shocked - was expecting something like 'OMG just run out of milk' or 'forgot the coriander - thank you!'. Bought the stuff for total £55. Arrived at party - shopping gratefully received, no mention of cash. Crisps and dips opened straight away - but there were also loads of other nibbly items like little toasts with parma ham; olives; nuts. Red wine spirited away somewhere never to be seen again. Vodka went into freezer.

Lovely evening - friend's DH is a chef and food was great. Nice to see all couples again. Whole dinner party sitting with my back right up against their full wine rack - wondered slightly why I'd been asked to bring 4 more bottles. Vodka made no appearance. Time came to leave and friend brought me my 'bag for life' from the kitchen. Receipt wasn't in there where the cashier had put it so assumed she'd taken it out and seen how much shopping was. Not a word about the cash. Didn't want to bring it up to save embarrassment so just left. Now slightly annoyed - AIBU?

DH thinks IABU because I'd probably have done that weird British polite thing and refused the cash anyway.

vince- it's all relative though.

This group of friends don't sound as if they are on the breadline, wine racks, cleaners, shopping at Waitrose.

For some people £50 is loose change.

It's good that you have your money OP. Honestly though, if I text someone to ask if they need anything, I would assume they were joking with that list. One, maybe 2 bottles but 4 and vodka ? I would definitely have replied "are you joking haha. Happy to get for you if you need obviously " They were hosting and should have been prepared. Maybe they were joking but were too embarrassed to say???

TBH, The only thing the friend has done wrong was not to say "I'll transfer th money to your bank"

She took the receipt so she knew how much and the OP had the money before the end of the first working day after the party. No one would have done the transfer during the party or late at night when it had finished. I don't think there was any need to hassle her for the money without giving her the opportunity to pay it back - cash was always unlikely.

£55 is pocket change :o I've got about £12 in the bank til Friday and there are five of us!

I'm not on the breadline and have Waitrose Prosecco and fancy gin in my booze cupboard and would have a cleaner if I wasn't too lazy to organise one but £55 is still not loose change because I don't throw money away left right and centre.

The Prosecco was on special offer, and I had a money off voucher, so doubly discounted and the gin was bought at airports for a fraction of UK prices.

The OP already provided a booze contribution and gift for the hosts, and most of this stuff wasn't touched during the party, so it was normal shopping, hence it should have been reimbursed without prompting.

"Pocket change" or not, I would have out that amount on my credit card so wouldn't need the money until the DD is paid at the end of the month.

hence it should have been reimbursed without prompting.

And I bet it would have been had the OP given her more than a few hours to do it in.

Isn't it a bit odd though that as the shopping was being handed over, host didn't say 'I'll reimburse you tomorrow'? I certainly would have.

Yes, and as I said, IMO that is the only thing she's done wrong.

Dinner party was on Saturday night and money was reimbursed on Monday evening? Not a long wait? I think OP should have given her friend the benefit of doubt and waited at least a few days before seething on MN.

She wasn't seething at all. Did you even read her posts?

Of course I've read the posts! The OP posted within minutes of getting home on Saturday night, annoyed at not being paid by her friend who was at that stage either still hosting or probably tidying the house ... It would have been nice to give the friend a chance to pay before being critical on MN!

fwiw I don't think it was a long time to wait to pay the money. She probably didn't have the cash on her at the time. If she always planned to transfer it - and assumed OP would know that - it's not particularly off to not mention it.

Bit of a mountain out of a molehill (which is not the same as thinking this was 'loose change')

I get what you're all saying and no, two days isn't long to wait to be reimbursed, BUT the point is that OP didn't know if she would be paid, as her 'friend' hadn't mentioned it. I'm sure if OP had been told 'thanks so much, I'll transfer the money next week', there would have been no post.

OP, did you get a message back from her after asking if everything was OK? Seems weird that they transferred the money and didn't say a thing...?

I do think it's grasping at straws to assume it was obvious that the host was going to pay. The OP presumably knows this person well, and she would have been able to tell by the vibe she was getting that they didn't intend to pay IMHO.

I think this is a valuable lesson to when you hand over goods (if ever any of us are in this position) to hand over receipt and say loudly "can you give me this back please" (and state when).

Beyond rude to expect bottles of wine and vodka to be included as a gift.

Usual chocs, flowers, wine is fine... If you've been asked to bring a dish (eg pudding) that's normally sorted beforehand.

I also think some times (if you speak to host) then dips are a nice extra to be offered as a gift but shouldn't be expected or not.

Also some people (DB's ex girlfriend) are very well off (think champagne Charlie lifestyle) she would have been appalled if you brought anything round bar maybe bottle of wine and was if anything far too generous with Pimms, food, champagne etc and would never take money towards it or even if you offered her champagne etc...

I get what others say but no text back just a transfer?? Wouldn't that get your spidey senses tingling that you'd done something wrong??

I think this is a valuable lesson to when you hand over goods (if ever any of us are in this position) to hand over receipt and say loudly "can you give me this back please" (and state when).

Agreed - or "here's our contribution to the evening, and here's the shopping you asked me to buy for you, together with the receipt"

Uncouth? This was shopping, not even for the dinner party to which OP took wine and beer. In what world is it ok to expect a friend to pay for your shopping?

BUt really I do not have to listen to abuse just because you have a chip on your shoulder larger than Iceland's McCain's section

Am I the only one who is shocked that stinky has even heard of Iceland never mind knowing the size of it's Mccains's frozen foods section?

Does she just go there to laugh at the real poor people buying a week's worth of shopping for loose pocket change £55?

Laguna agreed we will all pay for our friends shopping on a weekly basis, (some not all of it!) even drop it round... Waitrose or branded foods of course none of your Asda tat "and" we will give them the change from a fifty quid note, coz we're nice like that!

Waitrose or branded foods of course none of your Asda tat

Jesus. £55 "pocket change"? I'd love to have £55 in my pocket. We've got a "make the stuff in the fridge last til payday" month this month, how the other half live.

Am I the only one checking this throughout the day to see if the op has had a reply from the friend?

This keep me going on a wet afternoon, love it.