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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Saw my DF's DH with another woman

254 replies

PinkBallerina · 31/03/2016 17:47

I think this is more of a WWYD.

Yesterday DCs and i had a nice day out. We visited the country next door (we live in mainland Europe) something we do once or twice a year. The day trip is always the same; a nice play and picnic in a lovely quiet forest then an afternoon drink in a beautiful restaurant DH and i stumbled across a few years ago then the local supermarket (cheap border shopping). The restaurant is in an old house in the forest, it has a beautiful garden and when the weather is nice they put odd tables throughout the garden. It is very romantic and secluded. For us a meal here is a real treat as it is expensive. DCs and i picked a nice spot near the fish pond and ordered just drinks. Then I noticed that about 10 metres away at another table was the DH of my friend with another woman. They had obviously had a big lunch and were just settling the bill. He paid cash and as they got up to put their coats on and leave i quickly pulled out my phone and took a snap of them. The photo isn't great, you just see them walking away from the table.

My friend's DH is a local man. She is from an English speaking country and so is a foreigner here like me too. They have DCs, one of whom is disabled. Her life is not easy. Her DH does not earn a lot of money and she has to be a SAHM to care for the DCs. She has in the past joked about leaving him, but in reality it is very hard for her to do this (custody of kids, finances, visas etc). Generally i think they are happy but they have their moments. Her husband is a manual labourer and wears a uniform so this was not a work lunch. I helped cater at his surprise birthday party last year and so met his close friends and relatives - i did not recognise this woman from the party.

My friend and her DH know about this restaurant because i told them! AFAIK she has never been there.

WWYD? AIBU to just delete the photo and pretend the incident never happened? I wish i had never seen him.

OP posts:
RainOnTheRoof · 31/03/2016 17:55

Can you casually drop in to conversation with your friend that you had a lovely lunch at "X" restaurant on Wednesday? Or find a way to message her and mention it? If her immediate response is "Oh, did you see DH, he was there too! What a coincidence!" then you'll know that it's all above board. It could have been an old friend who couldn't make the party?

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 18:01

Well that was a very long winded way of saying you saw your friend's DH eating lunch with someone.

She could be anyone at all.

I don't know why you didn't wave to him and smile?

Either way, just say to your friend "Oh I saw your dh having lunch the other day with some woman" and leave it at that.

But don't assume there's anything untoward because there may or may not be.

Duckdeamon · 31/03/2016 18:03

I would tell her in the way worra says.

sparechange · 31/03/2016 18:10

"I haven't got your DH's number but can you pass on to him that I was sorry we couldn't say hello today when we saw him at X. I hope he didn't think we were rude."

Ohfuckaducky · 31/03/2016 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 18:12

I'm still unsure as to why the OP didn't say hello to him and chose to take a sneaky photo instead?

redshoeblueshoe · 31/03/2016 18:13

Incident - 2 people in a restaurant
Shock

PennyHasNoSurname · 31/03/2016 18:14

Could be his friend

Could be someone who he is in business with / job interview etc

Did they actual do anything incriminating?

CakeNinja · 31/03/2016 18:16

Possibly the most longwinded op ever Confused

Just ask her? What was your DH doing in that restaurant the other day?

Original poster
PinkBallerina · 31/03/2016 18:16

The restaurnat is 90 min drive from where we live. It is secluded and romantic, lunch for two costs approx 200 euros. My friend didn't get a birthday present from her DH earlier in the year because they couldn't afford it. I do not think it was innocent. If i say anything i am opening the can of worms.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 31/03/2016 18:17

Could have been someone who looks like him.

PennyHasNoSurname · 31/03/2016 18:17

You took your kids to a romantic restaurant?

MrsMainwaring · 31/03/2016 18:18

Why didn't you go over and say hello ?

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 31/03/2016 18:18

That whole OP could have been delivered in three sentences at the most! As it is, I'm not at all sure what the location of your table adds to the tale or indeed your visit to the supermarket. Hmm And how do you know they 'had obviously had a big meal'? It all sounds like a plot for a particularly awful novel.
Anyway - you should have just called to him and waved - that's what anyone else would have done surely?

PennyHasNoSurname · 31/03/2016 18:20

"They had obviously had a big lunch" - and you know thus how?

Original poster
PinkBallerina · 31/03/2016 18:21

I am certain it was him.

As i said in my long winded OP, (apologies) i took the DCs there as i love the place and we go mid afternoon when they serve afternoon tea and cake and we sit in the amazing garden and just order a hot chocolate.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 18:23

People are allowed to eat food in 'secluded and romantic' restaurants, simply because they're hungry you know.

You're really trying to make this into something it might not actually be.

Just tell her in passing conversation that you saw him and see what she says.

IpreferToblerone · 31/03/2016 18:24

Sister. Sister in law. Cousin. Friend. Boss. Client.

MunchMunch · 31/03/2016 18:24

It sounds like op didn't see him straight away but as they were paying the bill and leaving. I wouldn't have called out either tbh, I'd rather watch what was going on - did they hold hands as they walked away or do anything that indicate what kind of relationship they have?

I bet he saw you though and couldn't get away quick enough!

I think you need to some how get into a conversation about you being there.

Ohfuckaducky · 31/03/2016 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PinkBallerina · 31/03/2016 18:27

As i said in my original long winded OP, it was not his sister or SIL or cousin or close friend. I met them all at his birthday bash. It was not a client, the man is a manual labourer and was having dinner in another country.

OP posts:
Flumplet · 31/03/2016 18:27

Praps she paid.

WorraLiberty · 31/03/2016 18:28

And I love the thought that a manual labourer couldn't possibly be at a work lunch, because he wasn't wearing a hi-vis vest and hard hat Grin Grin

YouAreMyRain · 31/03/2016 18:28

I would generally post something on FB about being there, maybe upload a pic of you and the DC there? Or if you didn't take any pics just post a status "had amazing lunch at xxxxx today" then your friend might comment or you can refer to it in conversation later.

YouAreMyRain · 31/03/2016 18:29

I don't know any manual labourers that do "work lunches" like this! A cafe maybe but especially not 90 minutes away, over the border at an expensive restaurant!