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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Saw my DF's DH with another woman

254 replies

PinkBallerina · 31/03/2016 17:47

I think this is more of a WWYD.

Yesterday DCs and i had a nice day out. We visited the country next door (we live in mainland Europe) something we do once or twice a year. The day trip is always the same; a nice play and picnic in a lovely quiet forest then an afternoon drink in a beautiful restaurant DH and i stumbled across a few years ago then the local supermarket (cheap border shopping). The restaurant is in an old house in the forest, it has a beautiful garden and when the weather is nice they put odd tables throughout the garden. It is very romantic and secluded. For us a meal here is a real treat as it is expensive. DCs and i picked a nice spot near the fish pond and ordered just drinks. Then I noticed that about 10 metres away at another table was the DH of my friend with another woman. They had obviously had a big lunch and were just settling the bill. He paid cash and as they got up to put their coats on and leave i quickly pulled out my phone and took a snap of them. The photo isn't great, you just see them walking away from the table.

My friend's DH is a local man. She is from an English speaking country and so is a foreigner here like me too. They have DCs, one of whom is disabled. Her life is not easy. Her DH does not earn a lot of money and she has to be a SAHM to care for the DCs. She has in the past joked about leaving him, but in reality it is very hard for her to do this (custody of kids, finances, visas etc). Generally i think they are happy but they have their moments. Her husband is a manual labourer and wears a uniform so this was not a work lunch. I helped cater at his surprise birthday party last year and so met his close friends and relatives - i did not recognise this woman from the party.

My friend and her DH know about this restaurant because i told them! AFAIK she has never been there.

WWYD? AIBU to just delete the photo and pretend the incident never happened? I wish i had never seen him.

OP posts:
TWOBANANAS · 11/07/2016 15:07

Well I lost all the back end of this thread so happy to admit ignorance. Ignore my input, was to judgemental too quick and ill founded and wrong. I'm blaming my phone.

PinkBallerina · 11/07/2016 19:01

Thanks everyone.

Yes i wish i had said something sooner. But my friend wasn't in much of an approcable mood so i didn't want to make her life more misreable. What i didn't know was that she was in that mood and being very short with people because she had her suspicions about her DH too. I thought her troubles were just with her disabled DC.

In my opinion it is unlikely he will leave. She needs him to help with the DCs, another adult needs to live in the house for circumstances when caring for her disabled DC means she cannot care for her other DCs (like midnight trips to the hospital). Her family are on the other side of the world and she is pretty stuck without her DH. She understand why he needed to cheat, to get away from the difficulties of their family life. And so because she feels that way already i can't see her kicking him out again. I wouldn't like to be in her boots.

OP posts:
Swissgemma · 11/07/2016 19:09

To change the subject... What restaurant was it, it sounds lovely!

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 11/07/2016 21:49

Trouble s you often get shot in the foot for spilling the beans. Many, may years ago found out that my friend fiancé was seeing other women, 7 in fact, all shared the same first name!! You couldn't make it up. She was happy that he had chosen her, and any dalliances he had with OW were of no importance as he had chosen to marry her.
Eventually we drifted apart ( virtually) all her fiends,
She married him and two of her kids are now estranged ( because he was a player).
She stood by her man.
Knowing her background I can see why she did this. I'm not judging her in any way.
If I had told her that hubby had made a play for me and just about every woman he met she would have most likely made me out to be the one who instigated it.
I don't think you friend is blaming you; sometimes it isn't all black and white.

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