Saw my DF's DH with another woman

[PinkBallerina]

I think this is more of a WWYD.

Yesterday DCs and i had a nice day out. We visited the country next door (we live in mainland Europe) something we do once or twice a year. The day trip is always the same; a nice play and picnic in a lovely quiet forest then an afternoon drink in a beautiful restaurant DH and i stumbled across a few years ago then the local supermarket (cheap border shopping). The restaurant is in an old house in the forest, it has a beautiful garden and when the weather is nice they put odd tables throughout the garden. It is very romantic and secluded. For us a meal here is a real treat as it is expensive. DCs and i picked a nice spot near the fish pond and ordered just drinks. Then I noticed that about 10 metres away at another table was the DH of my friend with another woman. They had obviously had a big lunch and were just settling the bill. He paid cash and as they got up to put their coats on and leave i quickly pulled out my phone and took a snap of them. The photo isn't great, you just see them walking away from the table.

My friend's DH is a local man. She is from an English speaking country and so is a foreigner here like me too. They have DCs, one of whom is disabled. Her life is not easy. Her DH does not earn a lot of money and she has to be a SAHM to care for the DCs. She has in the past joked about leaving him, but in reality it is very hard for her to do this (custody of kids, finances, visas etc). Generally i think they are happy but they have their moments. Her husband is a manual labourer and wears a uniform so this was not a work lunch. I helped cater at his surprise birthday party last year and so met his close friends and relatives - i did not recognise this woman from the party.

My friend and her DH know about this restaurant because i told them! AFAIK she has never been there.

WWYD? AIBU to just delete the photo and pretend the incident never happened? I wish i had never seen him.

My DHs friend saw me having lunch in a spa restaurant the other day with another man. It was my business mentor. Stop jumping to silly conclusions and Butt out.

Limon I think you know that is completely different, you obviously work in a smart dress environment, op has already said her friends do is a builder, so unlikely he would be out for lunch with another women in a business sense.

To all those saying ooh I regularly have lunch with X,y,z of the opposite sex for whatever reason, you are the minority, most people are not in the habit of going out to lunch with men they are not in relationships with unless in a business lunch sense, again, we've already established this is not the case here as he is a builder not a bloody banker or property developer or something!

Op would side with the posters who've said just maybe say sorry I saw your do the other day at X but didn't get a chance to say hello.

Sorry, dp keeps getting autocorrected to do!

I think they op is getter a hard time too.

To all the posters who say she should mind her own business.
Would you seriously be fine with your dh not buying you a birthday present due to lack of money, then going out to a very expensive restraraunt with another woman? Seriously, this is not a business lunch.

Op I would do as suggested and casually mention it to your friend.

She us your friend and you must put her best interests at heart.

Not sure whether i should update or not, it wasn't a pleasant thread. But i never did say any thing to my friend, i could never find the moment and wasn't confident in my conviction.

However it turns out friend found out of her own accord about the affair. On a few occasions she found her DH's best shirts stuff in the laundry basket. She became suspicious and did a bit of digging and found other evidence of him being up to no good. He wasn't very good at hiding it. She challenged him and he didn't deny it.

She was a bit upset with me for not telling her a few months earlier that i had seen him in the restaurant, his restaurant and hotel bills since then amounted to more than 1000€. But we are friends and i am helping her get back on her feet again now.

Not sure DH and i will ever go back to our favourite restaurant, it just seems ugly and tainted now.

I'm sad for your friend op.
Fwiw, I think you did the right thing. You were uncomfortable but also unsure.

Is your friend still with her DH?

I was reading this thread thinking that I couldn't believe the naivety of people who were saying there was nothing suspicious about it.
Your poor friend. She sounds better out of it. Hope she can manage with the DCs.
She will need you

That is really sad. I remember hoping you had been mistaken. Best wishes to your friend going forward.

It is early days, i don't know what she is going to do yet. Her DH has left then come back, left again then come back. He has no where to go and can't afford to rent somewhere else so he is now back in the family home. It is summer holidays here so the kids are around all day. Not sure how it will sort itself out. Friend has nerves of steel though.

I hope those who said you were wrong, and were unkind to you, have the decency to apologise to you PB. I'm sorry for your friend.

I think he was probably up to no good, I think you would do better to not get involved sadly.

Definitely tell her, in the Worra casual "oh I saw your DH at such and such the other day... tell him sorry for not saying hi the kids were desperate for food"

oh bugger.

I'm having a p[roper issue with reading today.

Sorry for your friend.

I am sorry you were right. All you can do is to continue to support your friend.

Just read this thread for the first time - gee so many people were unnecessarily mean and aggressive to the OP.

Most people would not post a thread like this unless they felt something was very wrong - and it turns out the OP was (sadly) correct.

If his line of work makes this unlikely to be a business lunch, and you don't recognise the woman as a friend or family member, then it does leave a very real possibility that this is an affair.
I would simply tell your friend that you went to such-and-such restaurant for lunch, mention a little bit about what a good day you had, and then casually mention that you saw her husband there, but didn't get a chance to say hello. Don't insinuate anything about an affair, just simply state the facts and gauge your friend's reaction.

I'm so sorry, OP
You got a crazy amount of flack on your thread and it is sad you were proved right

Sorry I missed your most recent post saying that it was in fact an affair.

I'm glad your friend found out, and that you did not have to get too involved. An affair is a horrible thing, at least she has a good friend.

WHY ON EARTH do people chip in without having the nous or the courtesy
to read the thread - or at least the later bits?
OP you have been a good friend throughout and I do hope that with your support your friend will come out of this sorry mess with something positive. Trust your instincts.

RTFT.

Ah bollocks op, Im sure she understands why you didn't say anything.

What a shit situation for her though, I'm glad she's got you

Thanks for the update, I remember this. I was in a similar situation once and didn't say anything to my friend at the time, but told her later once it was clear that other things had gone wrong too. Doesn't make you feel any better. I hope she gets herself together and he gets what's coming to him.

If it was my friend I'd tell her and prepare to look like an arse if it was innocent, at least she would know I've got her back. That's what I'd want my friends to do for me also ☺

I can't believe how mental this thread got! I'm sorry you were right OP, but it just shows that people tend to know when something isn't quite right.

It sounds to me like it's none of your business.