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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to feel a little miffed that DH is out for the day with a female friend

589 replies

skinofthericepudding · 20/03/2016 10:03

My DH told me a few days ago that he'd be out cycling today. and would need the car. I asked a couple of days ago what time he would be back, and he said late afternoon. I happened to ask who he was cycling with (he belongs to a couple of cycling groups) and he said that it was a female friend. He has met her few times for lunch etc and they have been to a local town for the day together for lunch and sight seeing. They used to work together and I have to admit that they probably have more shared interests than we do! I have never met her, but can't help feeling a little put out that he's spending Sunday with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
Marynary · 21/03/2016 09:18

kali110 - You sound a bit gullible. This isn't just a case of the DH having a female friend.

sonjadog · 21/03/2016 09:19

I know a lot of cyclists and I would be a bit sceptical about this unfixable fault. Serious amateur cyclists have a detailed knowledge of cycle maintenance. They can fix just about any cycle fault, unless someone has sawed through the frame or something like that. And they also have masses of spare parts to switch with if something is broken. Or even if they themselves don't, at least someone from one of the clubs will have both the knowledge and parts. It really doesn't quite add up that their training was cancelled so they had to go for a walk instead.

Choceclair123 · 21/03/2016 09:20

No way would this be happening in my marriage. Sounds like a big set up, bike has problem and they just happen to have the car. Ok then?!!!

IsmellSwell · 21/03/2016 09:22

I happened to ask who he was cycling with (he belongs to a couple of cycling groups) and he said that it was a female friend. He has met her few times for lunch etc and they have been to a local town for the day together for lunch and sight seeing.

I'm very confused about your original post.

He has already met her a few times of lunch already.
Why?

tanukiton · 21/03/2016 09:23

ask him what was wrong with the bike.

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/03/2016 09:24

Do you ever go cycling with him OP? Maybe it was more that he wanted a day cycling and didn't think you'd do that?

Hopefully now you've told him how you feel he'll reign in the one on ones.

Goingtobeawesome · 21/03/2016 09:24

Isn't it a moot point to ask if wife's would be happy if their dh went out alone with another man, unless the husband is secretly gay or bisexual it isn't comparable at all. A straight man can have sex with a woman who isn't his partner. He won't have sex with a man unless gay.

endoftether12 · 21/03/2016 09:25

I would be fuming OP!

BitOutOfPractice · 21/03/2016 09:29

So this day out wasn't about the cycling at all. It was about them spending the time together. Hmmm

maydancer · 21/03/2016 09:29

Haven't RTFT but YADNBU.
In the parallell universe that is MN it is often deemed OK for a husband to go off and do things alone with another woman.In the real world I live in, however innocent this was , it would set wagging tongues into overdrive, humiliating the wife.

formerbabe · 21/03/2016 09:32

On threads like this you always get smug posters saying how they trust their husbands to have any number of female friends and the cries of "Don't you trust your husband?" and "Can't men and women be friends?" Head tilt....

Back in the real world....

I know plenty of women who trusted their husbands completely and have discovered affairs were going on.

Marynary · 21/03/2016 09:53

I know plenty of women who trusted their husbands completely and have discovered affairs were going on.

So do I. Those that think OP has no reason to be very suspicious are probably either young and naive or they are trying to convince themselves that their own DP isn't/wasn't having an affair in similar circumstances.

EponasWildDaughter · 21/03/2016 09:55

If my DH chose to go out for a ''nice walk in the countryside and lunch together'' with another woman he'd find his bags on the doorstep when he got home. And then he could spend every day with her and i'd find another bloke to go out with.

Unpopular view on here, but that's how it is.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/03/2016 10:00

What Eponas said. And quite happy to be an uncool wife thank you.

witsender · 21/03/2016 10:02

No no no and no. They wanted to spend the day together. If it was just for a ride he would have come home. He has just been on a date.

AnyFucker · 21/03/2016 10:10

Epona, same here

Happy to be a controlling, uncool wife.

OnlyLovers · 21/03/2016 10:30

I said it was unfair of him to go out with her, while I sat at home like a spare part.

Another one here who doesn't get why your only option, with your DH out, was to sit around at home bored. Confused

Do you have things you could be doing? Reading? Painting? Gardening? Computer games? Anything you like going out to do –walking, shopping, cinema...?

He has already met her a few times of lunch already.
Why?

Um, because friends meet up for lunch?

I find this place weirder and weirder.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 21/03/2016 10:49

Yes. Of course, how silly of the OP not to 'go for a walk on her own' while her husband cozies up to some other woman on a 'lovely walk & pub lunch' because 'her bike was broken'.

Her DH and this woman have been meeting for over a year to have lunches, go sight seeing, spend time alone together and not once included the OP. He's now spending an entire Sunday with her walking, chatting, pub lunch....Christ knows what else...

Fuck me OnlyLovers, there's 'other sex friends" and there's 'an affair under your nose'. You aren't sounding 'cool & trusting' you are sounding incredibly naive.

IsmellSwell · 21/03/2016 10:56

Laughing at how she should have ^gone for a walk or played some computer games' on her own while hubby was off out strolling in the sunshine through the countryside with a female 'friend'.

Only on MN do people think this is OK

VocationalGoat · 21/03/2016 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwentyCupsOfTea · 21/03/2016 11:18

I agree with everyone saying its a date. Sorry. When it was cycling that was one thing. This is how affairs start.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 21/03/2016 11:24

I'm also laughing at OP being told to occupy herself while her DH is out for a nice country walk and pub lunch with another woman! Fuck that.

OnlyLovers · 21/03/2016 11:26

Extra, I didn't say 'on her own'. Not that there's anything wrong with doing things on your own, despite what some posters on here seem to think. I'm sort of assuming she has friends and a social life of her own, rather than being dependent on her DH for entertainment, BUT also assuming that she is capable of entertaining herself and doing things under her own steam.

I didn't set out to sound 'cool & trusting', so please don't try to use the assertion that I don't as a criticism of me. As for naive, well, that's a matter of opinion, but going by this thread I'd rather be thought naive than come out with gems like 'he'd be packing his bags' and 'that wouldn't happen in my house' at the very thought of my DP having a social life.

Ismell, what's so hilarious about the idea of a person going for a walk, or playing computer games? I did of course mention several other things, as obviously I don't know what the OP likes doing in her spare time, but you seem to have picked out the two that you found, I guess, the most amusing or ridiculous. Personally I don't play computer games but I have been known to go for walks –alone and with other people. I may even have done so while my DP was doing something else with someone else. The horror!

AnyFucker · 21/03/2016 11:27

How about doing something else when your DP was going on dates with someone else. Is that ok in your world, OL ?

Cheesebleeze12 · 21/03/2016 11:27

I would not be happy at all unless I had agreed that I would meet them at the pub or café at the end of the cycle ride.

I do not agree with separate friends who spend long hours together where there is opportunity for intimacy. Again. as others above, this relates to my own personal history with dxh.

It is the intimacy that would worry me. Sightseeing and days spent together are more like a date as one poster said. There is no constraint on what they do and where they go. Lunches during work time are not intimate, nor is cycling in a group of mixed sex.