...to feel a little miffed that DH is out for the day with a female friend

[skinofthericepudding]

My DH told me a few days ago that he'd be out cycling today. and would need the car. I asked a couple of days ago what time he would be back, and he said late afternoon. I happened to ask who he was cycling with (he belongs to a couple of cycling groups) and he said that it was a female friend. He has met her few times for lunch etc and they have been to a local town for the day together for lunch and sight seeing. They used to work together and I have to admit that they probably have more shared interests than we do! I have never met her, but can't help feeling a little put out that he's spending Sunday with her. AIBU?

I'd be a bit edgy because of the way he has eased you into this

phase one: I need the car, I am off cycling
phase two: I'll be back late afternoon (after you asked)
phase three: With Ms CyclingChum (again, only after you asked)

all a bit drip feedy for my liking.

Do you get time to have days out? No one wants to be that couple, but if this is a rare day off for you both then it;s a bit of a eyebrow raiser that he's not including you.

YANBU. Of course their relationship could be perfectly innocent or it could be an emotional affair.

I would not like this, not at all.

It doesn't sound quite right to me.

Yeah that is not acceptable in my book. It is very datey.

I think you are definitely not unreasonable.

The fact he is honest in his behaviour is neither here nor there.

I understand that because your sisters partner left her for a friend, might make you look twice in this situation. But you can't judge your husband by your sisters partners standards.
I don't see a problem with it. They are old friends going for a bike ride.

My husband has female friends some I'm met some I haven't, they meet up for lunch now and then and he goes to the gym with one every Thursday. His my husband I trust

I think you're being totally unreasonable.

And needy

I don't see the problem, people of the opposite sex are able to be friends.

This would not be happening in my house

I would feel a bit put out, and a bit suspicious, especially as he didn't tell you about it before being asked.

If he said beforehand that he was catching up with xyz and they thought they would go for a cycle ride, if that's a common interest, then that wouldn't be so bad. However, he didn't reveal this information until prompted.

New female friend, meeting up for lunches and sight seeing, belongs to two cycling clubs but is choosing to go with her, on their own, all day, drip feeding info...fine. Absolutely fine.

If he fancies being single again.

Do you have children?

Really it wouldn't be happening in your house? Talk about controlling.

Going out for the day with a female friend: fine.

Going out for the day with a female friend, having told you he'd be out but not said with whom: a bit off.

This would not be happening in my marriage.
Neither of us feel the need to meet up one-on-one with members of the opposite sex. I'm happy with our relationship having strong boundaries.

if you are not into cycling, can yiu meet up with them for lunch/sightseeing bit? His reaction to you suggesting this might be telling even if you then change your mind.

I wouldn't be happy about this at all. The cycling would be okay if you don't cycle yourself but the lunch and sightseeing etc would definitely not be. I also wouldn't be happy about not having met her unless there was a particularly good reason.
DH has quite a few female friends and he does go for lunch, dinner etc with them when on work conferences which is fine. The difference is that they are not knew female friends and I am not around anyway so not available to join them.

knew new

If he was my partner, I'd need to know more about it to decide if I felt he was being inappropriate. I think you're right to have a calm chat with him.

Neither of us feel the need to meet up one-on-one with members of the opposite sex.

I really don't get this. What is so odd or wrong about having friends of the opposite sex?

I really don't understand such controlling POVs. I spend lots of time having dinner, going on days out, going for drinks with male friends, often 1 on 1. I would not be with anyone who banned that. Fortunately DP trusts me and really couldn't give a toss, just as I couldn't if he saw female friends. Which is admittedly rare.

Onlylovers it's just what works for us. Actually thinking about it, it's not as strict as that! He's got some old female friends but tbh he works such long hours that he tends to prefer to see friends with me anyway.
I've got some male friends also dating back years that I might see without him just because he's working but he knows them and he would definitely join us if he was free.
I was thinking of new opposite-sex friends.

At the end of the day, if he was going to cheat on you he would. Telling you he is going cycling with a female friend, or having a secret affair during work hours - you having a chat or telling him no, well if he's going to cheat he will cheat.

Men and women can be friends. I've been cycling with a male just the two of us a couple of times. DP goes cycling a lot. I go running with males as well as females. I have an amazing friendship with a male at work, we've had lunch, we have been to the pub.

All those situations and yet no affairs happened.

He's cycling. You can ask him outright if he's planning on cheating on you, but IMO you can't say he's not allowed friendships of opposite sex. Just because you're married to someone doesn't mean you have to spend all your free time socialising with them or ask for permission to see someone else socially surely?