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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

299 replies

ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:07

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 08/03/2016 13:12

What benefits do you think he is fraudulently claiming?

alltouchedout · 08/03/2016 13:13

More than 85% of allegations of benefit fraud are unfounded. Think how much it costs to investigate all those baseless accusations. That's even before the human misery involved.
Your dh needs more than "he seems to have too much money imo" to go on before making an allegation of this type. I don't like his way of thinking at all.

dementedpixie · 08/03/2016 13:13

I wouldn't be happy as he has gone behind your back about a member of your family.

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2016 13:14

Tricky one. If your DH has decided purely on the fact that he thinks he's spending too much to be on benefits then I'd be pretty pissed off.

Bit if he has proof or another reason to think he truly is engaging in benefit fraud, then I guess reporting is all anyone can do.

specialsubject · 08/03/2016 13:15

if he's committing fraud, good on your DH.

where would all this cash come from otherwise?

Bitchrestingface · 08/03/2016 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katenka · 08/03/2016 13:17

I think Yabu. Assuming that he genuinely thinks he is committing benefit fraud.

Where else would he get the money?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 08/03/2016 13:18

Well if he is committing fraud, then your husband has done the right thing. But doing it just on a baseless foundation because you don't like how he's spending his money (which is how your post sounds tbh) doesn't seem fair, especially as his benefits will be stopped whilst investigated, and he'll be in a very awkward position to take care of his children.

Franny1977 · 08/03/2016 13:19

I'd be livid if my DH did this to a member of my family. Why? Is he jealous of your B's lifestyle?

Is your DH always so principled? I am absolutely against benefit fraud but would think talking to your brother or at least getting some more proof would be preferable.

LineyReborn · 08/03/2016 13:20

Maybe his girlfriend pays for his nights out etc.

dementedpixie · 08/03/2016 13:26

was there any foundation for the suspicion or does your dh just not like your brother much??

dementedpixie · 08/03/2016 13:27

Could you not have spoken to your brother first rather than wading in. Hope he realises it won't just affect your brother but your dn too

CantChoose · 08/03/2016 13:28

I was all set for a YABU but it sounds like a very vague suspicion...

Franny1977 · 08/03/2016 13:30

Moreover, do you have a good relationship with your brother? That could all change now...

diddl · 08/03/2016 13:41

Do there have to be good grounds for an investigation?

I mean would "he seems to have too much money" even be taken seriously?

That said, if people are committing fraud I don't see why they shouldn't be reported.

Original poster
ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:41

Wow thanks for the replies. That is how I feel that he has gone behind my back.

However we can both agree that it is going on due to how he spends money. I guess there is a little jealousy aswell as only my DH works while I am SAHM and we live payday to payday with no extra money for luxuries.

It is hard and I know that if my DB ever found out he would hate me. I feel like an accomplice in a crime because we had discussed it many times but surely you don't do this to family without hard proof.

OP posts:
GrumpyMummy123 · 08/03/2016 13:43

I can see you'd be cross with your DH for not talking to you about it. If your husband has just done it to me malicious that's really unfair. Talking to your brother would have been a better thing to do.

But if he has got grounds to think your brother is doing something wrong (flashing money about doesn't necessarily mean he's doing anything illegal - it could be he's got loans/ credit cards etc) then your DH is right to report him. If he's claiming what he shouldn't be then benefit fraud is fraud and wrong!

I'd be absolutely furious if anyone I knew was claiming more than entitled to. There's never any excuse for it. I don't care who it is. It's our taxes that are paying for benefits. That money they're claiming doesn't grown on tress it's taken out the pay packets of decent hard working people like us. By illegally claiming that's less money the council has to spend on schools, doctors, nursers etc just for being greedy. It's stealing from decent people not just from a faceless institution. It's theft. Anyone who knowingly doesn't declare what they should and claims more than they should, deserves to be caught and have to deal with the consequences. I'd feel sorry for your DN for having an irresponsible father, it's not fair for a child to be let down by their parent like that.

If your brother has done nothing wrong then your DH has been a bit out of order.

BeardMinge · 08/03/2016 13:43

Why has he never worked?

murphys · 08/03/2016 13:47

Are you sure that he getting all the money from benefits? He could be using credit cards and be in a lot of debt.

StereophonicallyChallenged · 08/03/2016 13:48

I imagine your db is getting into debt if his lifestyle costs more than he gets in income. Far more usual for this to be happening than benefit fraud imo Hmm

Comparing yourselves to him is a no brainer. You have 100% more adults to support for a start....

lottielou7 · 08/03/2016 13:50

YANBU - what a horrible thing to do to anyone but especially a family member.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/03/2016 13:50

there could be other reasons why he seems so "flush"

his girlfriend could be paying. he could be using credit cards etc or gambling or have a cash in hand job he's not telling you about

I wouldn't have reported unless you are sure given that if money is stopped pending investigation where does that leave your neice?

a friend could be doing the tattoos
mens hair cuts aren't expensive. clothing cab be gotten on store cards or accounts.

nights out - maybe his mates buy the rounds

lottielou7 · 08/03/2016 13:51

I find it utterly unbelievable that someone would report someone without proof and then put them through stress and being treated like a criminal.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 13:52

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income

A single father as in his child/chidren live with him?

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2016 13:53

If what you say is true then your DN shouldn't lose out, as your DB will just need to scale back the nights out, tattoos and clothes for himself.