AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

[ninja1890]

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

Really needs? I'm an avid viewer of Homes Under The Hammer and so am aware of the need to maximise property yields. Maybe that was what forced the sale.

I'd just like to point out that I never let HUTH viewing interfere with my appointments at the Job Centre.

I always set the Sky Planner and watch it at my leisure.

She mentioned it quite awhile ago on another benefit bashing thread and has done several times since. Apparently she also thinks it wasn't really that nice anyway.

I tend to notice what she says because despite the odd and often oddly presented views I quite like her,she's funny.

I find many things amusing.

Some of the comments on here are blind ignorant and naive.
Weather for example, what on earth makes you think the investigation would be "quickly over".
My life was turned upside down 18 months ago when I was reported for 'benefit fraud'- claiming working TC (childcare support) while cohabiting, was the allegation which was totally false and to this day I don't know who reported me. As Eve said upthread, it has affected my trust in others and made me suspicious as to who in my life felt it necessary to put 2 and 2 together, make 5 and report me.
I was called into an interview under caution and asked to explain every aspect of my life, while the DWP had 2 years worth of bank statements, had approached my work, approached my sons nursery, asking questions, and overall calling my integrity into question and starting gossip at work, all of which caused more anxiety and stress than I can describe to you. I explained my (absolutely innocent) circumstances in the IUC and waited, and waited for an outcome....
As for the quick resolution, all this time later I have never heard a single thing one way or another. I've called, I've wrote letters....no one will tell me their decision or what is the next step. My mental health was shot to pieces and in many ways still is.

OP I couldn't forgive what your husband has done. If he had the conviction to say to your DB - look, I think you're up to no good, put it right or I'll report you, I could almost get my head around that. But the way he has gone about this is so utterly nasty and spineless, I personally could never get past that, even without my own experiences.

most people in the UK support benefits being limited to 2 or 3 children. That plan is not at all unpopular and is very sensible. Why should the rest of us support other people's large families?

Because right now you supporting those children guarantees you will have support in your old age regardless of whether they are Doctors, engineers or street cleaners. Those children will help fund and provide your life as you get older. That's how it is supposed to work. They will provide taxes to cover your state pension and healthcare, the physical labour and the next generation who will do the same for your children. It's basically a nationwide version of 'Pay It Forward'

I'm easily amused

People who talk about a 2 child limit usually haven't thought it all the way through. What would you do to people who already had 3 or more children before they lost their jobs and became poor?

It seems to me there would be only a few ways to deal with this since there wouldn't be enough money to feed, clothe and house the extras.

You could make it illegal for anyone to have more than 2 children no matter how wealthy they are. You'd need stiff penalties and compulsory abortion/infanticide for those who broke the law.

If you didn't do that and since anyone can become poor you could take the the additional children into care. The trouble with that being that the tax payers would still be paying for them. Not to mention how awful that would be to take away children for the crime of being poor.

You could go for the final option of putting the extra children down. Maybe vets could do this as they are set up for it.

Of course no one wants to do any of those things. Like I said they just haven't thought it through.

As am I Limited

They have thought through the two child thing, they just don't care. I'm my experance most people are not in support of it.a lot of things are going on at the moment that even die hard Long term Tory voters are horrified by.

This was a horrible thing to do, OP. Government figures suggest that about 0.1% of the benefit budget is lost to fraud - far less than the amount of money NOT claimed by people who are perfectly entitled to it. Of course fraud is wrong, but it is a tiny problem, and as others have said most reports of fraud come to nothing and may cause a lot of distress to your brother. You and DH appear jealous of his lifestyle, but that does not mean he is committing fraud. You say he stays over at his girlfriend's quite a lot, while he is claiming for a property of his own. This is not going to be putting money in his pocket for leisure activities, the housing benefit will be going to his landlord regardless of whether he sleeps away sometimes or not. If he is investigated and sanctioned, this will not put any more money into your pockets, will it really make your DH feel in any way happier? You don't mention why the brother never worked, is there some underlying problem (that you don't know about?). You mention he's a single Dad, does he take good care of the child? Is that why he doesn't work? Does he live nearby? Could you ask him for some help with childcare to help you out ( you mentioned wanting to retrain)? Have you ever tried asking about his finances (along the lines of 'we always seem to be totally broke, how on earth do you manage??). He might well just tell you what he gets! Generally I think there is a very negative tendency in this country to always focus on a perception that people on benefits are living the high life, and a desire to see other people struggle. If you feel like having a rant there are better issues to be outraged about, low paid jobs where people work hard and struggle to pay for the basics, people in a rich country having to use food banks, people like yourself forced to give up work because childcare is too expensive, wealthy people and corporations paying sod all in tax. Your brother is not the worst thing in our society, and I don't think you and Your H have done the right thing at all.

Brilliant post Sarah, but I don't think OP will be back!

Well said Sara

SolidGoldBrass What a fascinating article, thanks for the link

On the 2 child limit:-

1. The very few very large families in poverty are not the children who will be supporting us in old age. it is mothers like I am who produce the higher rate tax payers which will keep you - so in a sense we would be better off saying only mothers on £50k + get child benefit than something at the other end of the scale. As it is the high paid bright mothers who breed the children we want - the high earners who don't draw state benefits. So we want to pay it forward to the right people.

1. The 2 child policy is one reason most of us voted the Tories in and was announced in 2015 as coming in for new babies and will save £12bn. So now is the time to ensure you don't conceive that next baby if you'll be expecting me and other tax payers to pay for it.

"Families with more than two children will not receive tax credits or housing benefit for their third or subsequent children under a fundamental change to the welfare system."

*DeoGratias Thu 10-Mar-16 11:45:10
On the 2 child limit:-

1. The very few very large families in poverty are not the children who will be supporting us in old age. it is mothers like I am who produce the higher rate tax payers which will keep you - so in a sense we would be better off saying only mothers on £50k + get child benefit than something at the other end of the scale. As it is the high paid bright mothers who breed the children we want - the high earners who don't draw state benefits. So we want to pay it forward to the right people.*

What the fuck did I just read.

Aww. It's not Op's fault. It's her DH who made the report, and she's as disgusted as we are.
. He's the rat, not her. Mind you a rat wouldn't behave like that and stab someone in the back.

The 2 child policy is one reason most of us voted the Tories in . And your evidence source is?

Its really important for the poor to be engaged in reporting each other for seemingly having a few more quid than each other so that it can be taken away. Its important that the poor make sure each other are poor, so the wealthy working together and helping each other can get double ahead. That is why the rich have always talked about 'the honest working man' as being a 'virtue'

Didn't the nazis convince the people that the Jews were the cause of all their woes. So many would have lived but for malicious anonymous calls to their headquarters.

It was much worse than that. If someone were found to be sheltering Jews (or the disabled, or gypsies, or homosexuals, or communists) then not only would they be accused of treason, but their neighbours would as well. After all - they must have known.

So everyone was scared into informing, just to keep themselves alive.

Now, listen very carefully to the present governments benefit bashing rhetoric. Can you start to see the spaces for punishing those who don't report ? After all, "if it saves one child".

I grew up with tales of fascism for breakfast - my grandparents knew exactly how bad it can get .

I agree lurking but there was also many poor Jews in hiding who were often turned in by non Jewish people, sometimes for trivial reasons such as they might have had a disagreement in the past or else there might have been resentment because the Jew had been wealthier. They didn't have to do this, they weren't under any threat not to. Unless of. Unless they were hiding the Jews, but that's different, the German or Polish or whoever non Jewish people had nothing to fear. They didn't need a reason to inform, Hitler had portrayed the Jews as the enemy .

So Your db is a single Father and he has now possibly had his benefits stopped because your dh is a prick?

Nice.

A lot of people used the Nazi regime to settle old scores .

Anyone who believes that it wouldn't have happened in the UK, had the Nazis invaded is living in cloud-cuckoo land.

Having just come back from Berlin I concur with Lurking. Some of the propaganda has very frightening parallels to today. Just think without media opposition this government has managed to convince people that the poorest should shoulder the blame for the financial crash and they should suffer the consequences.

Posie it was me who suggested the similarities with the nazis. Lurking was agreeing with me. Sorry to point it out.

£12bn?

Meanwhile, back at the banks