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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

299 replies

ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:07

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

OP posts:

molyholy · 08/03/2016 13:53

What benefits do you think he would he be getting if he is not working?

BlueMoonRising · 08/03/2016 13:54

So he doesn't work and isn't living with anyone - so what fraud do you think he might be committing?

UmbongoUnchained · 08/03/2016 13:55

Yabu. You don't grass on family.
I'm in benefits and I just bought myself a new laptop from some money I had saved and my credit card. No fraud involved.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 08/03/2016 13:57

I'd be absolutely furious if DH did this. It's the going behind your back bit.

Runner05 · 08/03/2016 13:57

I think he did the right thing.

The benefits agency will investigate, if the allegation is baseless then it will come to nothing. If it's true then he's breaking the law and he should be caught.

You've said yourself, your husband isn't the only one who suspects it, you also suspect benefit fraud. I can only assume that you were too afraid of the backlash to do anything about it.

caitlinohara · 08/03/2016 13:58

YANBU at all, I would be furious. It's none of his business. I hate the idea of people sneaking on each other, unfounded or otherwise. That's not the sort of society I want to live in, where people are up in arms about someone on benefits buying a new TV but couldn't give a shit about Facebook and others cheating us out of millions of pounds of tax.

Summerisle1 · 08/03/2016 13:59

It's a great shame that your DH didn't have the courage of his convictions and talk to you and your DB first.

Only the way he's gone about it smacks of spiteful envy rather than a genuine desire to expose benefit fraud.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 13:59

Sorry just seen your brother has 1 child.

I would be fuming if my husband did this to a member of my family. He sneakily done it for no other reason than jealousy, which is very spiteful. He obviously spends a lot of time analysing your brothers life to go to the length of snitching on him.

Bambambini · 08/03/2016 13:59

I'd be furious if my husband did this to such a close family member like this, especially with such little ptoof (unless my brother was a complete tosser and i didn't like him).

My BIL does loads of homers apart from his paid job that i doubt he pays tax on. I couldn't report him just like that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/03/2016 14:00

The benefits agency will investigate, if the allegation is baseless then it will come to nothing. If it's true then he's breaking the law and he should be caught

he still has his money stopped In the meantime and has to default on rent and payments and food fir however long it takes. what about the child?

molyholy · 08/03/2016 14:02

Also, please forgive me if I am being a bit thick, but what benefits can he be fraudulently claiming??

He is not working for cash in hand and claiming benefits, as you said he doesn't work.

Runner05 · 08/03/2016 14:03

And if he is commuting benefit fraud? You just leave him to it?

If it's found to be baseless then he will get back benefits paid and it is unlikely to take them long to sort it out if he works with them.

I grew up on benefits in a council house so I'm not unaware of what it's like.

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/03/2016 14:04

There's no evidence though.

just someone deciding he has too much money.

TruJay · 08/03/2016 14:07

Wow my DH would be out on his arse, you don't do that to eachothers families, you just don't.
How is he going to face your db now? Is he gonna pretend he didn't do it or admit to it? What a horrible jealous person.
I really couldn't forgive that.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 14:07

And if he is commuting benefit fraud? You just leave him to it?

Yes, but thats the point. They only have a suspicion. You can report people (if you so wish) when you are sure of it, but your own family member, responsible for supporting a child, on a suspicion because he seems to have a bit too much money for their liking. No I wouldn't report it.

Primaryteach87 · 08/03/2016 14:09

I would be very angry in these circumstances. It would probably result in divorce tbh.

Accusing people out of jealousy and no evidence seems very wrong anyway. The fact that this is your brother and niece makes it ten times worse. Awful

dementedpixie · 08/03/2016 14:10

My sister helps in a food bank and a lot of people who go there are being reassessed for benefits but in the meantime the money stops and they literally have no money for food or anything else. hope your brother an dn don't end up in the same situation.

What benefits do you think he claims fraudulently anyway?

ClarenceTheLion · 08/03/2016 14:11

He might have credit cards? Or perhaps his partner gives him money?

I think I would have been kinder to speak to him than report him. His children's mother isn't on the scene? How is he going to support his dc's alone when his benefits get suspended? I believe these days that you don't necessarily get the suspended payments back either. I just think it's a harsh thing to do to a single parent. Too late now though...

Runner05 · 08/03/2016 14:13

What evidence do you expect there to be?

People don't usually brag about it down the pub or wave around bank statements with benefit fraud printed on them. It may well be innocent, in which case the investigation will quickly identify that. If he hasn't done anything wrong then there will be no harm done and it will be quickly resolved. If he has and nobody contacts the benefits agency with their suspicions then he will never be caught.

caitlinohara · 08/03/2016 14:15

And if he is commuting benefit fraud? You just leave him to it?

Actually, yes. You do. You look after your own family and stop being a pathetic, whining busybody.

I could never forgive dh for doing something like this TO ANYONE, but the fact that it is family, with children involved, is a deal breaker for me.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 08/03/2016 14:16

My word. Your DH sounds horrible. Absolutely horrible. Imagine doing that to a member of your family with no evidence of it whatsoever.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 14:16

Well you can't just report somebody because you are jealous of them.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 08/03/2016 14:17

And all his payments may be stopped for ages while they investigate this, affecting children as well.

I despair.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 08/03/2016 14:19

Clarence- if he IS then he should have thought about his duty to provide for his child surely?

expatinscotland · 08/03/2016 14:19

What a dickhead. YANBU

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