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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

299 replies

ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:07

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

OP posts:
DeoGratias · 08/03/2016 17:42

Better to live off the state as he does than live off a man to whom you provide sex and domestic services in return - why is your stay at home mother deal any the more morally pernicious when we need every woman we can in full time work exceeding men!

VimFuego101 · 08/03/2016 17:50

If they don't live together, as your OP states, I don't see what the fraud is. If they were investigated, the test would be things like whether his mail goes to her address, whether they live as a 'household'.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 08/03/2016 17:51

If your DH is pretty certain then it was the right thing to do. Theft is theft regardless of family. If he's innocent he will be fine. Benefits are very generous though so it may simply be that.

SolidGoldBrass · 08/03/2016 17:52

You and your DP are a pair of smug, vicious, ignorant shits. I say good luck to anyone managing to survive on benefits if they have found a way to pull in a few extra quid - while huge corporations are getting away with billions of pounds' worth of tax avoidance and food banks are multiplying, anyone who wants to grass up a family member on next to no evidence is a seriously horrible human being.

EveOnline2016 · 08/03/2016 17:55

It was.

I nearly broke us. I really don't know what I had done to deserve someone being so vile to me and my family.

Since then I have major trust issues as I don't know who reported me.

tomatodizzy · 08/03/2016 17:59

I don't understand what fraud he is committing?
You say he doesn't work so he isn't working on the side.
You day he doesn't live with his partner so he isn't fraudulently claiming as single.
I don't know what other way he could be committing benefit fraud?

Exactly what I'm thinking. Now your brother is going to have to prove himself and may have his payments stopped as a result. Poor man, that's a sly and backhanded thing for your DH to do. He should have talked to your DB.

EveOnline2016 · 08/03/2016 18:00

AutumnLeavesArePretty no things will not be fine.

Do you know how much late payment charges are.

DonkeyOaty · 08/03/2016 18:01

Deo that is quite a point you've made there.

Original poster
ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 18:01

Kararzyna79 - Who else would I talk to about my brother? I'm not a bitchy person but DH is the one person I do rant to hence feeling responsible in some way. In truth we cannot know for certain how many days he spends at his DPs house.

I am so upset I don't know what to do

Eve really sorry to hear that

OP posts:
Medusacascade · 08/03/2016 18:04

Tax Credits decided at Christmas I had someone living with me and I was claiming fraudulently when I didn't and wasn't. Bloody mare to sort out. They wanted 12 months worth of bills, statements for every bank account proof every time I went to the toilet. Except I was homeless and everything was in storage and there is no such thing as bills in a paperless society. It was an absolute fucker to sort out and I didn't need the additional stress on top of everything else. People have breaking points. So it's really selfish for anyone to report benefit fraud unless they have categoric proof. All this talk of oh if they are claiming properly it will be reinstated and back paid is ignorant and dangerous.

DonkeyOaty · 08/03/2016 18:07

Ninja

Two questions:

What benefits is your brother claiming?

Why are you not working too? Your jealousy, and your husband's too, of course, can be ameliorated by increasing your joint family income

Yseulte · 08/03/2016 18:08

Of that benefits list only JSA and child benefit are actual income.

Housing benefit - some or all your rent is covered, council tax relief just means you don't pay council tax, that's not disposable income.

NHS exemption is not how it sounds - eye tests & prescriptions are free but glasses are not - you get vouchers up to a certain amount( (like £30) every 2 years. Some basic dental treatment is free, but white fillings, crowns etc you have to pay for.

When I was on incapacity benefit due to illness money was very tight, I certainly couldn't afford holidays, and that's higher than JSA.

I understand why people do cash in hand work on benefits because it's very difficult to survive, but some people take the piss and it's possible that he's involved in crime.

Unless your DH is an amazing actor it's going to be very difficult to cover up the fact that it was him. I really doubt that DB won't suss.

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 18:11

That's horrible - neither of you have asked your brother, you've just presumed?

Do you know the stress being investigated causes?

I've had full on investigations twice, small tax credits ones on top of that.

I have done nothing wrong ever. It still doesn't help when they stop your benefits to investigate you. Even if it is "temporary"

If you've no evidence, all I can think is arses to be honest

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 18:13

And I afford holidays and a fairly new car and other stuff - through loans, through family fund grants, through working as well as claiming (legitimately) as well as through DLA for my eldest son with ASD.

That and my DP who I don't live with pays for a huge amount of extras. He is paying for my holiday this year for instance, which is £900 each. I'm paying towards the family caravan one which is £400 total.

pointythings · 08/03/2016 18:14

I think OP's DH has really crossed a line. Horrible, shitty, spiteful thing to do. And there are children involved, which makes it much worse.

Clothes - can be bought on eBay or Gumtree for very little. Haircuts - you volunteer as a model, or you're like us - we have a hairdresser who comes round to our house and does the whole family (very well) for £30 a pop. Tattoos - you save you. Holidays - you pay in instalments. Then there's credit. And there are no actual set rules about how many nights you are allowed to spend at a partner's house before you are classed as 'living with them' either.

As for the poster who said benefits are generous - have a Biscuit.

EveOnline2016 · 08/03/2016 18:14

Medusacascade it was hard enough with dh support. I couldn't imagine going through it alone Flowers

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 18:16

I honestly almost had a break down last time I was investigated. Housing took me to court. I was never As thankful as then that I worked in a low income job so I had some money coming in. And the DLA. And I lived in a council house so I could be evicted easily. The stress is awful.

molyholy · 08/03/2016 18:17

Your 'd'h needs to grow some balls insteadof being a sneaky little shit and tell your brother what he has done. If he thinks he is right he should have the courage of his convictions at least. Although somehow, I imagine he is rather spineless.

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 18:22

Sorry that should say council house couldn't be evicted easily.

Single parenthood sucks. Single parenthood with family that stick knives in your back sucks twice over.

Yseulte · 08/03/2016 18:24

As for the poster who said benefits are generous - have a Biscuit

Clearly never tried living on £70 a week.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 18:25

Seems like he's done it out of jealousy and spite, to be honest.
By your own admission, you have said. There is no proof. He could just be excellent at saving up. These are such people.

Katarzyna79 · 08/03/2016 18:25

molyholy that's not wise is it there'd be a physical bust up surely? I think things are bad enough already, OP clearly feels bad, and angry.

paxillin · 08/03/2016 18:28

Well, you are wondering what to do, OP. First thing is to tell your db what your dh has done. This is important, he might be buying his dd chocolates for a treat, take her to the cinema or get her new shoes when really he mustn't. Because of your dh he might need every penny soon or it's the food bank. Do the decent thing, warn him so he can act.

If his benefits are stopped because of the investigation you can feed him and dn. It will help your dh to eat baked potatoes with beans to make sure there is enough for all. This is especially true if your db is innocent.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 08/03/2016 18:28

Piss in the ocean compared to corporate fraud (whatever, if anything, is going on). I would be questioning the morality of someone who wants to invest energy in making the life of any ordinary person harder than it already might be- and certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone prepared to that, let alone to a sibling of mine. Let he who is not guilty throw the first stone (or something like that - I've not read the bible)..
Not very nice absolutely downright unpleasant and nasty does he think his taxes are fine going to royalty and tax evading companies?

landrover · 08/03/2016 18:30

If you really thought that he was committing a crime, why wouldn't you have talked to him first?