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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

299 replies

ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:07

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

OP posts:
landrover · 08/03/2016 16:46

I really hope that he has won the lottery and not told you! Grin

HairySubject · 08/03/2016 16:48

I don't understand what fraud he is committing?
You say he doesn't work so he isn't working on the side.
You day he doesn't live with his partner so he isn't fraudulently claiming as single.
I don't know what other way he could be committing benefit fraud?

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/03/2016 16:57

Maybe if he went round with his kids wearing clothes three sizes too small asking fir money for a kfc 4 hours past the kids bedtime it would erradicate any suspicion?

Sunnybitch · 08/03/2016 16:59

landrover

They've definitely shot themselves in the foot for a share if he has Grin

NNalreadyinuse · 08/03/2016 17:00

It doesn't matter that he has a dp with her own house and that he spends most of his time there - he is probably (sensibly imo) maintaining his own home in case that relationship doesn't work out, because, y'know, he has a child to consider. Your dh seems to think he should give up his home in order to save the taxpayer a few quid. Your dh has no actual proof of any wrong doing and is motivated by jealousy - I would be so ashamed of my dh if he did this - it's just not how you treat family!

Also, your h has put you in a really difficult position and hasn't given you any consideration in his efforts to screw your brother over.

MrsDeVere · 08/03/2016 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 08/03/2016 17:06

Well it's his DP who is commuting benefit fraud

Katarzyna79 · 08/03/2016 17:15

it's all based on suspicion no actual proof sounds like a serious case of envy.

I feel sorry for the children involved how is he going to pay the bills?

Katarzyna79 · 08/03/2016 17:19

what's more sad is your post suggests you have a little gossip about your brother with your partner. Don't you see that as being disloyal to your own brother, doesn't blood mean anything anymore? Maybe you should have spoken to your brother or written your suspicions in your diary rather than assassinating his character with your husband?

How would your husband feel if the tables were turned and you grassed on his siblings based on a suspicion?

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 08/03/2016 17:23

You started off saying he doesn't live with his new partner. Then after 4 pages of most people pointing out that him having more money than you think he should, it doesn't mean he's committing benefit fraud, you say he's living at hers?

So which is it? Is he living in his house and she living at her house with some "sleepovers" happening? Or is he living with her? Because that's two very different things. The first is perfectly acceptable, the second is benefit fraud.

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2016 17:24

Branleuse
family absolutely comes first. Otherwise whaton earth is the point?

Would you say this if your DH or DB was committing fraud against old ladies? Or your friend? Or if he had killed someone? Is it all crimes that family members should keep schtum on?

I agree that OP's DP's reason for reporting sounds spiteful and based on nnothing after the most recent update. But I don't agree family should turn a blind eye to crime out of loyalty. Absolutely not.

AyeAmarok · 08/03/2016 17:24

Branleuse
family absolutely comes first. Otherwise whaton earth is the point?

Would you say this if your DH or DB was committing fraud against old ladies? Or your friend? Or if he had killed someone? Is it all crimes that family members should keep schtum on?

I agree that OP's DP's reason for reporting sounds spiteful and based on nnothing after the most recent update. But I don't agree family should turn a blind eye to crime out of loyalty. Absolutely not.

DancingDinosaur · 08/03/2016 17:27

I'd get my facts straight before reporting someone, esp my own family. If my dh did that to my brother I would divorce him.

abbsismyhero · 08/03/2016 17:28

i think personally if anyone is going to report my family for benefit fraud it's going to be me and yes i would do it if i genuinely believed it to be true

witsender · 08/03/2016 17:33

Yanbu. I would be spitting at the snideyness of him.

almondpoisson · 08/03/2016 17:35

Confused people on benefits still need to have clothes on their backs, and buy things, you know. It's not an indicator of fraud.

Branleuse · 08/03/2016 17:35

AyeAmorak - They dont even know that hes even commiting benefit fraud, so making comparisons with defrauding old ladies or killing someone is a bit Hmm

EveOnline2016 · 08/03/2016 17:36

I have had a compliance letter, it was the worst 6 weeks of my life and I knew I was innocent.

This was for tax credits.

DH and I had to send off a lot of documents to prove no other income was coming in from 6 months worth of bank statements to wage receipts rental agreements and other things.

Those 6 weeks I didn't sleep properly, eat properly and had to be signed off work because of the anxiety and stress it cause.

In the mean time I was £500 down a month and it took a further few weeks after to get back payments.

The back payments didn't touch the late payment fees.

I hate that person who did this to us, I have finally after a year been able to get back to regular payments.

Never report unless you are 100% sure.

Branleuse · 08/03/2016 17:37

but i would have assumed that even people that would be happy as larry to shop the bloke down the road for spurious reasons, would think twice about doing it to their own family and loved ones

NotNowPike · 08/03/2016 17:37

Your husband reported him because he appears to have more disposable income than you and that's not fair as you work ? Is that right ?

Please tell me this isn't another article for the Daily Mail ?

almondpoisson · 08/03/2016 17:38

your DH sounds positively malicious and jealous. His benefits will be stopped, he will probably lose his property and what will happen to DN? Really smart

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 08/03/2016 17:40

Eve - that sounds like hell. Flowers awful to go through that when your innocent.

limitedperiodonly · 08/03/2016 17:40
BirthdayBetty · 08/03/2016 17:40

What a nasty thing to do.

RitaVinTease · 08/03/2016 17:41

Well said EveOnline2016

Guilty until proven innocent is not justice.

There is no evidence the bloke is even on benefits.