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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just stop bothering to go to bed at all?

143 replies

Givinguph0pe · 01/03/2016 06:45

Currently my nightly timetable:

Dd feeds and feeds until around midnight.
12.30am finally go to sleep
2.30am - 3am up expressing milk
3am - 3.30am - feed dd the expressed milk
3.30-5.30 attempt to sleep
5.30-6am express again
6am - 6.30am feed dd again
6.30 get up and get dressed and then get ds ready for school.

I'm slightly concerned I may actually go mad. I look horrific all the time and feel even worse. Dd is ten weeks old and this has been the pattern since she came home. I am exclusively expressing for her since I failed at feeding and all the help in the world couldn't seem to sort it out.
I'm so unbelievably tired. I'm tempted to no longer even bother going upstairs to bed. There seems very little point!

OP posts:

wannabestressfree · 01/03/2016 06:47

Have you got any help? It's not sustainable at the moment as things are.... hugs.

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2016 06:47

:( no advice but that sound horrendous

MargotLovedTom · 01/03/2016 06:51

Sounds awful. In your shoes I would've turned to formula a while back (in fact, I was in your shoes a few years ago).

Original poster

Givinguph0pe · 01/03/2016 06:52

No, no help at all. Just about to go and get ds up now. Really not sure how to get through the day today

OP posts:

Skiptonlass · 01/03/2016 06:55

What saved me was giving one bottle of formula - it let me just have a few hours "off."

It's tough.

neonrainbow · 01/03/2016 06:55

Why don't you go onto formula?

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 01/03/2016 06:56

Stop expressing,but some formula and feed her that.she will be absolutely fine,you will buy yourself more time and you can give her to someone else to feed,assuming there's someone else there?A baby needs a mother who is well a hell of a lot more than breastmilk.You've done really well and there's no shame in stopping feeding.

MTPurse · 01/03/2016 06:57

It sounds like you are over complicating things. Stop expressing and get some formula for your own sanity. Is he asleep now? Are you going to wake him up?

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 01/03/2016 06:57

Sorry loads of typos!you've done really well,buy some formula is the gist of it.hugs to you

Original poster

Givinguph0pe · 01/03/2016 06:58

Dd is asleep now but ds is getting up for school

OP posts:

RomComPhooey · 01/03/2016 06:58

Have you considered switching to formula? I was an ardent and commited breastfeeder - BF my Ds1 exclusively to 6months, when I weaned him. Planned the same with DS2, but it wasn't to be - a spell in the NICU being tube and bottle fed meant he refused the breast once he was out of danger & we missed our moment to get it established. I expressed for 6 weeks, which was easier with a hospital grade electric pump but really difficult at home with a manual pump and a toddler wanting attention. It just took so much extra time, I was tearing my hair out. My lovely GP friend pointed out that the first few weeks of colostrum and expressed milk had set him up just fine immunity-wise & suggested I switch to formula for my own sanity, if nothing else. We never looked back & my relationship with DS2 is just as close as with EBF DS1. Really - you nights sound like torture. It is OK to be kind to yourself and I think you will benefit from those quicker night feeds and being able to take a night off too. You sound done in!

Ginmakesitallok · 01/03/2016 07:00

(Formula?)

MTPurse · 01/03/2016 07:00

Sorry op I got confused, I thought you were waking your baby up. If you have another child to look after with no help I think it is even more important to get your baby on formula and get some proper sleep.

Lweji · 01/03/2016 07:01

You didn't fail at anything!

Bloody hell, you're managing to express and feed your baby!
I produced pitiful amounts when expressing. :)

Ad pps said, just give at least some formula. No need to ruin your physical and mental health when babies thrive on formula.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 01/03/2016 07:05

First and foremost, you have "failed" at nothing. You are a good mother with a healthy baby and family. You are awesome. Don't make things so difficult for yourself. Mixed feeding is probably the way forward for you. Why don't you try a bottle of formula for the night feed? This has the added advantage that dad can do the night feed sometimes. You need to sleep. I totally understand the pressure you feel regarding breast milk but remember this is a small part of caring for a baby and a tiny part of their lives. Cut yourself some slack. You're important too. FWIW, I have broken boobies so my two never got so much as a sniff of breast milk and they managed to grow up into healthy, happy and borderline genius children. You're doing great so have some xx

bramble16 · 01/03/2016 07:07

I tried to do something similar and lasted three weeks. In my mind it was all or nothing but think about a combination of breastmilk and formula, they get the benefits of be but you get the benefit of some sleep -which will make you feel like a human being again!! Well done though, you are being awesome, please don't feel like you have failed at anything.

EllsTeeth · 01/03/2016 07:11

Please don't ruin your mental and physical health by carrying on in this way. Your little one will take a bottle so give her formula for at least one feed! I am so sorry for you, I know what it feels like to be sleep deprived, it's the pits. Can you nap with the baby while your older child is at school? Please don't even think of cleaning or housework while the baby is sleeping! It will get better, hang on in there. And you have far from "failed", you sound like a fantastic mum and completely selfless, but don't kill yourself for breastfeeding!!

ninja · 01/03/2016 07:12

Do you have a decent pump? I found a double electric great for being fast and efficient.

I completely understand your wish to keep expressing, but can you aim to get more in the day so you don't have to get up at night? With an electric you might be able to express while your dd is feeding.

Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing :(

SheSparkles · 01/03/2016 07:13

I managed to express and Feed my ds for a year, doing similar to what you're doing-it does get less knackering I promise you.
Can I ask why you're getting to bed so late? I used to get dh to do a "dream feed" before he went to bed which allowed me to get to bed a lot earlier-think it was about 9pm most nights..your milk supply is probably well enough established to miss a pumping session at that time, as long as you do one before you go to bed.
You're doing absolutely brilliantly-it's knackering but if you're determined to keep going with the expressing it does get a lot easier. When your baby drops a night feed, that's one session less you have to do too.
If you do go down the formula route, you've given your baby an amazing start with what you've done so far

bimandbam · 01/03/2016 07:13

Get your ds up. Go to the supermarket. Buy formula. I am pro bfing. But more pro mummy. The benefits of giving breastmilk to your baby will be massively negated if you lose the plot or do something silly because you are not sleeping.

For the good of all of you get some formula in. You will still be able to pump if you want. You might even want to stop pumping. But that schedule is unsustainable. Do you have anyone who can come and take baby for a few hpurs this afternoon while you get some sleep?

If not get your formula ready. Put your ds.down. take baby upstairs. Give them a formula feed. Pump both sides to make sure you are comfortable. Put baby to bed. Go to bed yourself.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/03/2016 07:13

You are not failing.

I would recommend giving her formula as your current routine will indeed send you batshit crazy at some point in the future.

There is nothing wrong with ff, give yourself a break from any guilt and get some sleep, your dd will thrive, regardless of bf or ff.

BathtimeFunkster · 01/03/2016 07:14

I don't understand why you are expressing in the middle of the night.

I presume you are a single parent, so you can't keep going like this.

Use formula for middle of the night feeds and express in the morning when your supply should be a bit higher.

Only1scoop · 01/03/2016 07:15

Be careful driving etc.

Sounds awful.

Formula sounds good and some lovely sleep

GooseberryRoolz · 01/03/2016 07:18

You didn't fail at anything!

This.

BillSykesDog · 01/03/2016 07:19

I had similar problems and mixed feeding saved me. DS just would not latch and I was feeding expressed milk with cups and pipettes. I kept it up for 6 weeks until I realised it was just unsustainable and added in some additional formula feeds just to cut down expressing enough to allow me some sleep.

Any benefits of breastfeeding would have been negated by the effects on my mental health, I was in hospital for a while after birth and actually had the 'regime' enforced by midwives forcibly waking me and I felt like a prisoner of war under sleep deprivation torture.

Be kind to yourself and introduce a little formula.

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