To just stop bothering to go to bed at all?

[Givinguph0pe]

Currently my nightly timetable:

Dd feeds and feeds until around midnight.
12.30am finally go to sleep
2.30am - 3am up expressing milk
3am - 3.30am - feed dd the expressed milk
3.30-5.30 attempt to sleep
5.30-6am express again
6am - 6.30am feed dd again
6.30 get up and get dressed and then get ds ready for school.

I'm slightly concerned I may actually go mad. I look horrific all the time and feel even worse. Dd is ten weeks old and this has been the pattern since she came home. I am exclusively expressing for her since I failed at feeding and all the help in the world couldn't seem to sort it out.
I'm so unbelievably tired. I'm tempted to no longer even bother going upstairs to bed. There seems very little point!

Ok...so mixed feed.
Cartons at night (no waiting for baby and sleep for mum) and bf during the day?
She won't be having night feeds for that much longer anyway if she is 10 weeks now....?
(Can't remember with ds1 but ds2 stopped night feeds at 11 weeks...that is he could go from 11pm- 6am)

You need to find a way to cut down on what you're doing because honestly like this you are not functioning properly. Be kind to yourself.

To those criticising people for suggesting replacing one or two bottles with formula - people suggested this to me when I was struggling - I didn't do it, in fact I fed my first for 19 months and am still feeding my second at nearly 2, because I wanted the "best" for my babies and was told that formula wasn't it. I felt that I would have failed if I didn't flog myself into the ground with the breastfeeding. And do you know what? I ended up really mentally ill, it affected everyone around me. Although I'm a lot better I'm still not recovered. It has been a living hell. Maybe I still would have got ill if I'd mix fed, who knows, but I'm guessing it wouldn't have been as bad. We're made to feel like we must martyr ourselves in order to be good mothers, but what I ended up doing was making those around me suffer. OP please don't continue like this, your body and brain can't sustain it. Please give yourself a break and don't go down the road I went down!

Ellsteeth well said

• me too actually! I bf for 18 months, sometimes on as little as 2-3 hours of sleep a night. I look back and think what a train wreck I was and wish I'd given myself a break and got some bloody formula in!! I too was depressed and holding on to this 'idealistic' version of being a mother, which now, years later, I can see matters not a bit! No one cares how I fed DS and he certainly isn't any brighter or healthier than any of his ff peers!

Oh god! The memories - I bf/expressed/formula fed for three weeks including a one week spell in the childrens ward where DS was admitted suffering from dehydration and extreme weightloss. I then ditched the expressing which had been recommended to increase supply and 'just' did bf and a bottle (made up fresh each time as per advice) for another four months. Why? I must have been crazy. I really regret it. I was suckered in by pro breast feeding advice that neglected to mention that sometimes supply does not meet demand and should have just admitted defeat. I was exhausted and doing it all on my own on own night after night. One feed just merged in to the next. Cut yourself some slack, get some formula and enjoy your baby.

I've been there. It's horrific. Formula is the answer.

The whole bf vs bottle thing seems so massive when you have a tiny baby, then everyone completely puts it into perspective.

I'm a big fan of bf but an even bigger fan of making sure that a mother is physically and psychologically able to care for her child. If you can't breastfeed, use formula to make the nights easier. You'll be doing your baby a favour of you look after yourself better.

I did the same as you but only during the day. Baby wouldn't latch on for more than a minute or so despite an army of midwives and consultants trying to help. So no, there is not a 'breastfeeding solution to every breastfeeding problem'. I hand expressed as couldn't get anything out with any pump, electric or manual. Had chinese burns down my boobs. Was agony. Expressed all bloody day. He was fed mostly expressed bmilk all day. Formula / bmilk through the night. I went to bed at 9 most nights and got some decent sleep before midnight which helped. Caved and got some help in the night at about 4 weeks. Fab night nurse. At 7 weeks I could do it no longer and went to just formula. Was so effing happy and relieved and started to enjoy motherhood. Dont do this to yourself it's really not worth it. Best of luck.

Giving I really feel for you. Do you have anyone in RL supporting you - friends or family? Could anyone help by taking your older child off occasionally, or with cooking etc? It might be an idea to talk to your H, might he step up a bit more if he realises the impact on you?

You don't need to be expressing in the small hours to keep your supply Some bf babies are already sleeping 5-6 stretches at that age. Pump on rising and before bed. I did this for 4 months; I expressed at 2am once and never again!

And for the middle of the night formula feeds, ready made and a flask of hot water on your night stand mean you don't even need to get out of bed :)

OP

I'm a very keen breastfeeder and completely understand the psychological pressure not to 'give up' etc and as a consequence, I've had a really tough time breastfeeding my three children.

If you did want to, you could just give up the night time expressing and express an extra feed during the day. I know there is a big school of thought that you must express overnight but I've done years of peer supporting and I've actually found most people can go without the nighttime expressing once supply is established. Many of these people have subsequently managed to feed their babies to one and upwards.

You sound absolutely done in. I agree with the PPs who linked lack of sleep to PND. My mental health takes a massive nosedive if I'm not sleeping.

Your husband sounds absolutely useless by the way, and he ought to be ashamed of himself. When you're through this period of newborn fog, OP, do look at getting yourself some counselling to try to improve your self worth, and to look at what you really want out of your relationship.

OP, I really think that the biggest favour you could do for yourself and your baby right now is to switch to formula.

My babies are older teenagers now, but back then I was convinced that I had to breastfeed exclusively. I managed 6 months for my Ds and 3 months for my DD.

In hindsight I wish I hadn't bothered, the first 6 weeks of both my babies lives were tortuous for me and I developed anxiety and depression, much of it due to lack of sleep. I wish I could have shared more of their care with my DH and enjoyed it all more. As someone else mentioned, nobody cares and nobody can tell who was breastfed.

I mixed fed my twins from about 6 weeks because I was practically insane from sleep deprivation attempting to solely bf and raise my lively older toddler. Breastfeeding isn't all or nothing, there is room for both and your sanity and wellbeing is vital. We managed that way until I eventually stopped bf altogether at about 6 months, or rather I should say they were no longer interested.

My twins are extremely fit & healthy strapping teenagers now, we have a lovely bond & the decision to introduce formula to the equation hasn't had any detrimental effect on them at all.

Be kinder to yourself xx

DS was mix fed as my supply was low and he wasn't gaining weight. I kept it up for way longer than I would have kept up exclusive breast feeding and expressing, so it really was the best for us. Yes I could've had a punishing schedule like you, but I couldn't hack it. Do what you think is best obviously, but personally mix feeding saved my sanity.

Op I've noticed a few posters say that you've posted numerous times about this?
If that is the case how much longer do you think you can carry on with this routine?
You must be on knees by now!

It's one thing having this schedule with a small baby and catching up on sleep when they do but having a second child that needs you adds a whole different perspective.

I know exactly how much pressure & guilt can be put on a mother to breastfeed as I've been there,I ended up with a baby in hospital due to failure to thrive as eventually my milk supply dried up completely which meant in the end I had no choice but to formula feed & it ended up for us to be the turning point,I finally started enjoying my baby!
What we went through was awful & I still can't recall a lot of my DDS early weeks as I literally was on auto pilot.

This can't continue,you must know this yourself to keep posting the same threads.
You've had so much advice from people who've been in your situation,is there no solution amongst all the posts that fits for you?
Please have a read back through your threads,there are so many options that could potentially make such a difference.

I wanted to also say I agree with whoever posted this ,

"Your husband sounds absolutely useless by the way, and he ought to be ashamed of himself. When you're through this period of newborn fog, OP, do look at getting yourself some counselling to try to improve your self worth, and to look at what you really want out of your relationshi"

You & your Dh are a team, he must be able to see how exhausted you are but still he hasn't helped?

All the best op,I sincerely hope you start looking after yourself & re-read your threads

Hire an electric pump.

I expressed exclusively for DD for a year doing this and DH did a lot of the night feeds as I was able to prepare quite a bit in advance using this.

Or yes use some formula..your DH needs to step up.

I believe sleep deprivation is truly dangerous, it makes me feel very instinctively angry towards DD after an extended period.