To just stop bothering to go to bed at all?

[Givinguph0pe]

Currently my nightly timetable:

Dd feeds and feeds until around midnight.
12.30am finally go to sleep
2.30am - 3am up expressing milk
3am - 3.30am - feed dd the expressed milk
3.30-5.30 attempt to sleep
5.30-6am express again
6am - 6.30am feed dd again
6.30 get up and get dressed and then get ds ready for school.

I'm slightly concerned I may actually go mad. I look horrific all the time and feel even worse. Dd is ten weeks old and this has been the pattern since she came home. I am exclusively expressing for her since I failed at feeding and all the help in the world couldn't seem to sort it out.
I'm so unbelievably tired. I'm tempted to no longer even bother going upstairs to bed. There seems very little point!

What everyone else has said, but couldn't just read and run as really feel for you. You are doing really well and not a failure at all. Get some formula and get some sleep. Both your kids need yiy functioning not exhausted.

[Flowers] for you

If you can get baby to nap in the day once you have the formula then please go to sleep yourself.

My DD was in your position without an elder one and having me to do the odd overnight.

I persuaded her to mix feed, she wasn't enjoying her baby. I'd BF all three of mine, but never experienced what she was going through.

You've done the most important bit, the first six weeks and will continue through the day, two feeds, of formula won't make any difference.

Later on, my DD could express enough to have BM stocked up.

Just to add, I used to say to my DD to lay in bed, even if she couldn't sleep, during the baby's naps, your body needs that relaxation.

Switch to formula. Your baby will be absolutely fine and you can get some sleep. That schedule is crazy.

Give her some formula. See how that goes.

You've not failed you're doing an amazing job. Don't beat yourself up, you have done and will do nothing other than your absolute best.

If you had 'failed', your DD wouldn't still be alive at 10 weeks.
Your kids need a healthy mum and if formula relieves some stress then fab.
Look after yourself then that allows you to look after others xx

If you can stockpile enough breast milk for a feeding or two, could you then pump while feeding your baby? It might involve some juggling, but it could halve the amount of time that you are up each night.

Firstly, you are not failing at anything, you are raising two children on your own which is admirable! I was here 5 years ago and switched to formula. I firmly believe that a formula fed baby with a happy mum, enjoying her baby and not physically exhausting herself is better off than a breast fed baby with a mum who is killing herself in order to breast feed. For what it's worth I am generally pro-breast feeding and I fed my second for 6 months+ but it just wasn't going to happen with my first and expressing was making me utterly miserable.

Use some formula and maybe you coukd carry on expressing through the day.
Milk supply may or may not dry up but at the rate you are going it will anyway.
She's had a great start.

I fed four of mine but dc5 had a cleft palate so couldnt.
She is the most healthy five year old ive ever come across.
Good luck in making a choice.

Please don't do this to yourself. I know you feel such a pressure to keep up with the breastfeeding, but just LET IT GO!

This is not sustainable. Give her a bottle in the night. It is so important to get some rest to feel semi-human. You'll both enjoy your day so much more with some additional kip. You have done really well to keep going, but it is totally unecessary in my view.

You have not failed in the slightest. Fuck that. You've done your absolute best. I've been there, breastfeeding in pain, crying, flogging myself that I couldn't give up. It got a bit better, but it was never the idyllic breastfeeding image for me. Now I look back and wonder why on earth I didn't cut myself some slack so that I could have enjoyed early motherhood more and my kids could have had a happier mummy.

A perfectly reasonable thing to do now is look back and think about which is more important for your baby - breastmilk with you in a hyper stressed and tired state or a happy and relaxed mummy giving formula. You've done s lot for your baby by breastfeeding so long - think about it and whT advice you would give someone else in you position. It is ok to give yourself permission to stop expressing and move on to formula.

Agree with all above that mixed feeding might be the way forward. Give formula overnight and continue expressing during the day. What you are currently doing is not really sustainable with 2DC and no real help. I mix fed DD1 for 12 months and we are doing the same with DD2 (currently 12 weeks). It doesn't have to be 100% bf or formula - for me, mix feeding gave me the benefits of both.

You have not failed, you have gone above and beyond for your DD, doing what you've been doing for 10 weeks! I certainly couldn't have kept that up!

You poor thing, that sounds awful. Sleep deprivation is grim. My 6-month old is 5weeks into a sleep regression and I'm managing on 3-4 broken hours a night so I feel your pain.

What have you tried to get him back on the breast? I exclusively expressed for 2months when my DS was younger (poor latch, tongue-tie, bleeding nipples, nipple confusion) but managed to get him back to breast. It was a struggle as he preferred bottles and would scream when presented with boob. Nipple shields helped as did dream-feeding and feeding in the sling whilst being rocked.

Exclusive expressing is exhausting! I had a double-pump and a hands-free bustier but it was so time-consuming and sucked the joy out of motherhood. I also got really obsessive about my supply and if anyone dared suggest I try to get him back on breast or try formula I wanted to punch them! I was locked into a horrible spiral of feeling I had to keep it up. I desperately wanted to breastfeed and for him to have my milk but was at breaking point.
What type of pump are you using? I have a Spectra (hospital grade double pump) and can get 150ml off each breast in 5mins. Changing your pump might reduce the time you are up in the night. It shouldn't take 30mins to express for 1 feed!

Also why are you expressing at night? Why not express more in the daytime and store it? I expressed every 4hours in the day, last session at 10pm first at 6am. I had plenty of spare milk and used to freeze the excess, I still have loads in the freezer.

My recommendation is cut out the night time expressing. If your supply dips, supplement with formula and express more often in day until it adjusts.

Hope things get better soon

(Why oh why do us mums beat ourselves over the head so much? I'm sure men wouldn't if in the same position.)

Another adding to the formula suggestion. Look around and everywhere you will see healthy, thriving children and adults who were forrmula fed and are just fine. And so will your baby be if you feed some (or all) formula. You are doing the very best you can but you cannot go on like this with so little sleep. Your baby will not suffer from being fed formula, but you definitely will if you don't get enough rest. Lack of sleep and rest is utterly draining. You need to look after yourself, not just your baby.

You probably could sustain this if you were able to lie on a chaise long all day whilst the nanny, cook and cleaner sorted everything else which needs doing.
I presume you don't have staff so please stop being so hard on yourself.
Go and buy some formula and give your dd that during the night.
You NEED sleep in order to function and it's really important for your mental health and your DCs' wellbeing, that you manage to get some proper sleep.

I'm expressing in the night because the midwife impressed upon me that stopping still affect the milk supply. I have some milk in the fridge - usually several feeds ahead - but in the night I just feed what I've expressed as at least it saves warming something up and if she doesn't want it all I can then put it in the fridge for later.
I have a husband but he works away quite a bit and when he is here he doesn't help.

DS fed like your DD.
I wish I'd have been given the advice you've been given here. As it was, I stuck it out, miserable and exhausted, and then couldn't wean him off until he was nearly 2!

Give yourself a break. You're certainly not failing at anything- although you aren't taking enough care of you. And you're important!

Hope things improve for you soon

Tell DH he HAS to help!

Agree with PPs. I was an ardent Bfer but had to express for a couple of weeks when I had a nipple injury! It was terrible. None of the advantages of BFing and none of the advantages of formula feeding. A stressful, exhausting combination of the 2.

maybe just express twice a day, one morning and one night and FF rest of time. Mixed feeding will work. You can't be up at night expressing and then feeding!

Now that your little one is older and stronger why not attempt to put her onto your breast at the feed she is hungriest for. Do not express your milk before that feed so that she will get a good supply. After 10 weeks of bottle feeding she may have to learn the technique of breastfeeding so it will take patience and persistence but clearly you are producing lots of milk. Contact a breastfeeding counsellor for one on one advice. It would be a pity to give up at this stage but your present routine is unsustainable. Look after yourself and sleep when baby does. You have done wonderfully well so far. Best wishes.

I lasted 6 weeks (seems to be a common theme) before deciding my mental and physical health was more important. DS thrived and, although this is purely anecdotal, got to 2.8 years before getting his first tummy bug and has had nothing worse than the usual colds apart from that. Give yourself a break

I had a very similar routine a few months ago. But I had my husband feed the bottles in the night while I pumped for the next one. It took about an hour with the washing up and sterilising too. He also got up and took my son to school in the morning. And I knew that there was an end in sight as my baby had an appointment to get his tongue tie dealt with after a week. So I only did it for a week and had my husband to help and STILL found it unbearably difficult. I would've switched over to formula if it hadn't worked out because I don't think it's sustainable long term. What you've done already is amazing but you need to give yourself a break. My midwife was impressed that I did it for a week. She said that most people give up after the first day or so because it's so difficult. I think one of the only reasons I coped was because I had an outstanding midwife who came to see me every day and went above and beyond - popping in on her way home from work, texting to see how I was doing and actually taking me to the doctors etc. And I know I couldn't have kept it up for the six weeks you have managed, even with all of that support. You should feel very proud of yourself for what you've already provided for your baby but please think about giving formula because you sound utterly drained.

However, if you are determined to continue expressing (which I really don't recommend), see whether you can get a pump from sure start. My midwife arranged it all for me, so I don't know whether you can request it yourself, but I have a hospital grade double pump on loan for as long as I need it, totally free of charge. It's a professional Medela one. I also had problems feeding my first baby and used a normal medela swing pump and the difference is huge. There is much more milk in less time with this pump. If you are intent on pumping, you could see whether something like that is available. I believe there are also blogs and support sites for moms who exclusively pump.

Your husband needs to be a parent when he is at home.

You should not be left doing this on your own.

The baby is on bottles (I hope?) so you can get a stretch of sleep by just skipping one midnight expressing session while he feeds the baby.

Next time he is home, he is on night feeds and you can sleep through some and express through the others.

You'll need to cut down gradually to avoid engorgement/mastitis.

Get some formula for him to give her when you run out of your extra expressed milk.

Personally, I would aim to stop all nighttime expressing in the next few weeks. Keep going in the day if you can.

But at night it's more important to rest.

7 weeks in and I'm expressing but also 1-2 bottles of formula over 24 hours. I go to bed at 10pm after my last express and OH does final feed with my expressed milk or formula depending on what he gets to first. Then LO tends to sleep till 4am where he will have formula, I still have to get up and express around after that but my LO tends to take 15 mins for his feed then I go and express which takes 15 mins now I've done it so often (8oz) then I go back to sleep until 7am. I only express once in the night and will be stopping at 12 weeks. Keep going but don't put too much pressure on yourself. Throw some formula in the mix just so you get some sleep! X

Big hugs, you haven't failed. You have struggled hard to give your dd the best possible start. I went through similar when my dd was in nicu. A wise midwife told me that a happy rested mummy was the most important thing to a baby. You can't feed your family from an empty cup.

I would look to switch to formula. You need to rest.

Good luck