To just stop bothering to go to bed at all?

[Givinguph0pe]

Currently my nightly timetable:

Dd feeds and feeds until around midnight.
12.30am finally go to sleep
2.30am - 3am up expressing milk
3am - 3.30am - feed dd the expressed milk
3.30-5.30 attempt to sleep
5.30-6am express again
6am - 6.30am feed dd again
6.30 get up and get dressed and then get ds ready for school.

I'm slightly concerned I may actually go mad. I look horrific all the time and feel even worse. Dd is ten weeks old and this has been the pattern since she came home. I am exclusively expressing for her since I failed at feeding and all the help in the world couldn't seem to sort it out.
I'm so unbelievably tired. I'm tempted to no longer even bother going upstairs to bed. There seems very little point!

Coconutpie...neither is breastfeeding!
Op...I ff both my children (no choice with ds1 as only blood came out of my nipples as I had retained placenta that wasn't picked up until I became very ill and ds1 ended up in nicu with an ng tube in:() and with ds2 I ff by choice.
I knew I COULD NOT go through that again.
It almost destroyed me. I ended up with pnd. But I suppose some would say I just didn't try hard enough?
So...if you want to get some sleep and function and be happier then ff.
If you want to continue bf then I would suggest contacting one of the helplines like la leche league.
Good luck X

I did what you are doing but had DH to feed while I pumped. It was hell anyway, I felt like I was trapped in this cycle of expressing and feeding and truly think I would have lost my mind if I had kept it up. I managed six weeks then introduced formula and phased out the expressing altogether.

My DS simply would not feed from me, I saw everyone I could (5 different feeding advisors) and tried and tried. They all said I had done all I could but I still felt like a failure (still do). I know how you feel, honestly I do.

If you don't want to use formula then that's your choice but it saved my sanity. My DS is fine and always was. If you are determined to keep up then get the best pump you can afford and ask your DH to support you more, it's a very very tough road you are on and you have my sympathy.

OP you've done fantastically to keep up expressing for 10 weeks. The first 6 weeks are the most important ones, and you've gone way past that.

But as the other posters (mainly) say you're at risk of running yourself into the ground. It's so hard when the hormones are all going haywire with breastfeeding to see things clearly. Seriously, if you try at least mixed feeding you will get so much more rest. It's better for your kids to have a sane mother and less/no breastfeeding that breastfeeding and a complete wreck.

You have not 'failed' at breastfeeding, you have achieved something that many women couldn't have- to keep up expressing etc for that long. I couldn't have. You obviously want only the best for your child- you have done so well, now please do something to look after yourself.

My experience? DS2 was ill in hospital and couldn't feed so I ended up doing the expressing thing until he was able to feed again. I wish someone had just said to me give him a bottle. I had months of no sleep (think he was rebuilding my supply) and I ended up with severe PND. It really, really, really isn't worth it despite what the breastfeeding nazis might say.

I breastfed all my babies, I think breastfeeding is great and should be encouraged and supported - but not at any cost. This schedule is ridiculous.

People do not take new mothers sleep seriously enough. Thats a major reason why we have such an epidemic of PND.

I agree with the PP who suggested getting some of the cartons in

Dangermouse - can you not make your point without referring to breastfeeding mums as "nazis"? Such a disgusting insult.

Totally agree with branleuse there.

Human beings need sleep in order to function. Sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture for a reason, as it breaks down your ability to reason and make sense of things. A dangerous thing for someone responsible for small children.

Human babies are born far more helpless than other babies because our big brains mean we couldn't be born any bigger. The flip side of this is that we can use our big brains to come up with solutions to our problems like inventing formula milk and bringing in others to help feed babies. You might not have others to help op, but as a society we should be using our resources to help new mothers not to put pressure on them.

Sweetheart....no one will care in a few months how you fed your child.
Honestly.
They won't ask before she starts pre school, or primary school, or secondary, or before she gets her first job.
As mothers how we feed our children is such a cosh that we - or others - use to beat ourselves with.
It's not worth it, love.
Formula saved my ds1s life - and mine tbh.
Ditto my 27 week prem nephew.
It is not the awful dreadful poison some people try and make it.
Breastfeeding is best.....as long as baby AND mum are happy and thriving.
I really hope you get some cartons in (God, I LOVED the cartons :)) and start getting some sleep. I'm sure things will seem brighter once you are getting a few solid hours in X

BathtimeFunkster, you're not correct. The prolactin levels are highest in the night, which sucks, but is the reason why mums have to do the night feeds in order to establish and maintain supply in the early days.

OP, I'm an ardent breastfeeder, but I believe that an exhausted mother is not the best thing for a baby. Can I ask why direct feeding didn't work (just out of curiosity)?

Buy some ready made formula to start with and get your OH to do some feeds. Get some rest and look after yourself. Formula is not the devil. Formula companies, on the other hand.....

coconutpie I breastfed 3 children, 2 exclusively for well over a year, and 1 mixed from 3 months. I did not refer to all breastfeeding mums as "nazis" as that would have included my lovely self, only the ones that believe that it is the ONLY way to feed a baby, and that the mother should completely devote herself to breastfeeding and breastfeeding alone, regardless of what else is going on in their life.

You poor thing. Have you tried co sleeping? Would you like to try bf again? I hated expressing. Are there any local groups who can help you? They could come around to the house? Have you explored tongue tie? Sorry it's so tricky for you. I hope you get some rest soon

You've chosen not to use formula to date, and that's fantastic

Why, is it poisonous?

What Magpie17 said, with bells on.

I've been there, it's so tough, and switching to formula honestly felt like the light at the end of a very dark and long tunnel.

Sympathies, OP.

DS1 was mostly fed on expressed breastmilk until about 7-8 months, and it was very hard work, even without having an older child to deal with. I know a few women who expressed breastmilk for a year because their babies wouldn't breastfeed, so it can be done, but your current timetable doesn't look sustainable. You'll end up running yourself into the ground without more sleep.

Have you tried contacting your local La Leche League to see if they can offer support or advice regard exclusive expressing?

What kind of breastpump are you using? If you're not already, then look into renting a hospital grade breastpump that will allow you to express from both sides at once. That would reduce the amount of time you need to spend expressing.

I can't remember how long it takes for the supply to get properly established, but I am wondering if 10 weeks is long enough to let you drop one of the night expressings without affecting your supply. A breastfeeding consultant might have a better idea about that.
It's not clear whether you are waking baby in the night for a feed, but I would have thought that most 10 week babies were old enough to wake themselves if they're hungry and not need waking for a feed in the night.

Other than that, you need to make everything else as easy as you can for yourself. Try and rest as much as you can in the daytime, get your DH to do as much as he can so that you're not feeling like you have to cook dinner or do housework when you could be having a nap. Because you seriously need to get more rest.

She won't be back

She does these threads every couple of weeks talking about how exhausted she is but she can't bear to give her baby formula due to the midwife putting the fear into her. The la leche league has been suggested over and over again, same to lactation consultant etc. None is taken notice of.

If I remember correctly she has to pump as baby was born prematurely and by the time she was strong enough to suckle, she didn't want to stay latched.

I'm all for breastfeeding baby but she has to see that in this instance formula is the way forward.

I'm sure part of the problem here is that her DH doesn't want or won't all own her to stop bf. Apologies if I'm wrong.

*allow

I think I've read a few of this Op's threads.

You're amazing for lasting ten weeks expressing that much! You must be do sleep deprived! Give yourself a break and substitute a few feeds with formula! You've done a great job, now get a little sleep!

Just read the messages about this OP writing frequently about this. Ok fair enough she just wants to sound off!

I'm still here.
I have had a breast feeding consultant privately and through the NHS but it sadly didn't help.
I want dh to help more so that I can carry on expressing but I don't think he will. I know the only other solution is to give up expressing but it's so hard to draw a line under it.

You don't need to give up entirely. To start with I'd see how you get on ditching one of the overnight ones. I've only been pumping once overnight since about 5 weeks and my supply has not suffered. Do you have a really good pump? You don't have to sterilise it after every use, just in case you weren't aware. Breast milk is sterile and once a day is enough.

It's not all or nothing. You can continue to pump and give the odd bottle of formula to relieve the pressure a bit.

I totally get it. My DD was pre-term and I feel really guilty that I didn't carry her to term and she has a few issues and a very delicate tummy. I feel like the least I can do is give her breast milk so have been exclusively expressing and only now at 8 weeks have I been able to start getting her to take the breast. I know exactly how you feel even if it seems a bit bonkers to some.

You don't need to draw a line under anything. Personally I'd introduce mix feeding and see how that goes. Please don't feel pressured either way, but do take care of your own needs as well as your child's.

I'd see what stopping expressing the 3am feed does to your supply, and have your DH feed that one so you have from 12:30-5:30.

It's not drawing a line it's just continuing to feed your baby but hopefully being able to enjoy everything a little more.

Sleep deprivation is the Pitts