To accuse nanny of being a thief?

[inanannypickle]

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

Sorry op thats awful. Hope all is resolves as stress free as possible hope you get new childcare sorted easily

So did the nanny admit anything? She's just going to move to to the next family now and do the same thing.

"Can't go into too much detail but Police have spoken with Nanny who has admitted what she has done and is leaving in the morning"

That's what the Nanny had admitted to.

Just because she is charged with the offence doesn't mean to say that she automatically won't do it again.

Also, there may be so much more she has stolen that you are just not aware of yet. I can't believe it's just what you found. I would check everything of value in your house before she disappears tomorrow.

Oops ... sorry I missed that post.

Oh, I'm so sorry it turned out this way. Not that there's a good way it could have turned ...

There's nothing quite like knowing your trust has been abused.

Plus the hassle of finding another nanny, learning to trust them, etc. Poor you

Understand about not prosecuting, but please lay it on the line with the agency and, perhaps, that website where employers leave reviews.

I havent read the thread but I am sure the last time I received a new bank card and pin there were all sorts of warnings on the PIN letter saying destroy immediately and dont share pin with anyone or we wont be liable for losses if you do.

Handing a stranger your bank card and PIN? I'm speechless.

And dont listen to the would be legal experts spouting employment law that you cannot just fire her. Yes you can just fire her. Employees have virtually no rights for the first two years of employment. You have to have been employed by someone for 2 years before you can claim unfair dismissal. She has been employed for 9 months.

I'm also a bit at you not noticing that £1000 went missing out of your account and you didnt notice.

From what you've said, it seems that the nanny hasn't been charged with any offence and is free to take up employment with another family who will be unaware of the numerous thefts she's committed against you.

Is that the case, OP?

I strongly feel she should be prosecuted so she can't move onto the next family and do it again, it's not even that you can mention it if you get a reference request for her! You have left it open for someone else to be screwed over by this nanny!

What a shitty situation op, I hope the kids aren't too upset :(

Can't help wondering what on earth she needed the money for? To take such huge risks, it's pretty obvious she'd get caught and sacked.

Poor cleaner :(

What a horrible situation.

Hopefully the cleaner can receive an apology.

I have no idea why you wouldn't take this further. This makes no sense to me at all.

I can understand wanting to put it behind you now.
I don't know if she is your first nanny, but just to re assure your that children move on easier than you think, I nannied for two children who had had the same nanny from birth until the ages of 2 and 5, this post was long hours and I thought they would really miss her, but they hardly mentioned her at all. I think it's the same as when dc go to another school year, they adore Miss Smith the whole year, but they don't moon after her when they get a new teacher. Parents are their constant, your children will be fine because they have you and your dh.

Sorry to be blunt but I think it's really bad on your part to let a thief get away with it. She will keep on doing it.

I say nightstand, too. Sorry you're going through this, OP. Yes, hindsight is 20/20 but I bet you're feeling really rubbish.

Why wouldn't you prosecute? That is very irresponsible on your part. She will do it again to another family. Is that acceptable to you?

Sorry OP, what a shitty situation to be in all round.

Sothat, whether you are shocked at the OP not noticing the money going missing from her account isn't relevant to the situation. We all have different financial circumstances and ways of managing money. The OP hasn't given full facts re that account, and it is non of our business anyway.

I had a friend in a similar situation. My strong advice is to do a review of your jewellery (and friend's jewellery) before you give the nanny any inkling of the problem and to search her room thoroughly. Look in rolled up window blinds, under the mattress, sellotaped in a bag under the chest of drawers.

When you discover that something you have strong sentimental attachment to has been lifted, your doubts about dealing with it will disappear in an instant, as it was for my friend (and her friend who had a grandmother's engagement ring taken along with cash).

After rtft I can't help but feel terribly sorry for the cleaner! And the kids!

If she's admitted to the police that she stole, I don't understand what the problem is with her being charged. The strong likelihood is that she will simply plead guilty and the stress on you and your husband will be minimal.

I've just read the rest of the thread - you need to do that jewellery audit now and be willing to search her suitcase if you've lost something.

I had a similar experience and my husband put the fear of God into the maid when he took her home after firing her then stood over her while she produced the stuff she had removed from our home. It was unbelievable. Some of my clothes, place settings of cutlery, camera, food, jewelry, table mats. Just the weirdest, random collection of stuff. I suggest the OP has a good look round before putting this matter to rest. The nanny shouldn't get off with it. She should have to pay back the money and return anything else she stole.

So, you're happy to confront the cleaner and nanny in person, as a result of which innocent cleaner feels miffed, that if she stays she will be permanently under suspicion, and totally understandably quits - which you put down to her guilty conscience.

Not only do you have money stolen, and a quite considerable amount (after, quite unbelievably given her your PIN for Christ's sake), but a friend has money stolen by this nanny too.

Yet you don't want to prosecute her? So she will have no conviction at all and be able to go off and do this to other people?

I think that's extremely poor and irresponsible behaviour throughout this tale, quite frankly OP. Not impressed.

Does your friend know about this and what does she feel? Maybe she will go to the police about her case and do something to try and prevent this nanny stealing off other people.

Why on earth are you just letting her go?
How is she getting away with stealing £1200? I bet she can't believe her luck.
She'll probably go and steal from other families now! Who might not be as well off as you.