To accuse nanny of being a thief?

[inanannypickle]

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

[SouthPole]

This isn't the USA.

Police put a case together and pass it to the CPS who will then decide whether or not to take it forward to prosecution. Many factors come in to play at this point, whether it's in the public's interest; evidence available; type of crime; victims' statement etc.

If I had a quid for every time I've said this on MN. TV has a lot to answer for!!

[ADishBestEatenCold]

"Surely the police cannot do anything unless the OP presses charges anyway?"

If that were the case the police could never make an arrest unless the victim of the crime pressed charges! Imagine ... there could be no such thing as murder.

The police do not need OP's consent to press charges. They simply need to know a crime has been allegedly committed, and to have evidence that the alleged perpetrator of the crime committed it.

In this case they not only know the theft took place, but the thief has admitted committing the offense(s). Nor are we talking about a tee-shirt lifted from a shop ... we are talking about well over a thousand pounds, stolen from two different people.

So OP reported the crime, the thief has admitted to it, but the police have decided to turn a blind eye to the crime, on OP's say-so.

I find that really hard to believe. If the nanny was 16 years old and had taken a tenner from her boss' purse ... perhaps ... but as OP describes it. No.

[evilcherub]

Won't she just do this to her next family if you don't press charges?

[WonderingAspie]

Surely the police cannot do anything unless the OP presses charges anyway?

I think it's a bit shitty of you to let her get away with this because you can't deal with the stress. She will do this to someone else, she isn't going to just stop!

[AdriftOnMemoryBliss]

oh, nm, i saw it now,

i have adblock jumpy screen and missed that one!

[AdriftOnMemoryBliss]

eh?

which thread are you reading ADish? Last i saw the police were coming to take statements.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

The nanny has admitted to the police that she has stolen over a thousand pounds (from two different people) and the police are willing to let her walk away from the situation, scot-free, on your say so?!?!

I find that really difficult to understand or even believe, inanannypickle.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

just seen this and yes ive rtft and sorry to find it was the nanny :(

ive been a nanny for 25yrs and in every job i have been given either a credit card or the employers pin to get money if i need it for childrens activities/entrances etc

if you employ someone to trust them to look after your children, you also trust them to look after your home/cars and if need be money

in the end you can replace cars/homes etc - you cant replace your child

so dont feel bad you gave her the details and pin, it happens alot - even tho mn think you were insane, those with nannies or who are a nanny dont :)

the nanny was stupid

you should take it further if nothing else to stop her from doing this again and it will show up on her dbs so will find it hard to get another job

if you hot her through an agency tell them, if through the childcare site then tell richard.

regards your children, they are resilient and will adapt to having a new nanny :)

good luck with your search and most nannies are honest

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Of course it isn't sensible to give out your PIN, and it breaches the banks terms and conditions to give it out even just for one transaction. Nevertheless, I bet many people do it - I've certainly given mine to my DH to draw money out for me when I couldn't get to a cash machine, and it was clear to all concerned that I intended him to use it for that one occasion only.

However, the consequence of breaching the bank's terms, as previously stated, is that the bank doesn't have to refund the account holder. It still doesn't change the fact that unauthorised use of the PIN to take money out of someone's account without permission is a criminal offence.

[Roussette]

August... Gabilan sums it up nicely with this -

it's not a question of how much you trust the person you're giving the number to, it's that you invalidate the conditions of the card. Banks are quite explicit - you do not give the PIN to anyone

I don't think Police, the Bank or whoever will look upon giving out the PIN at all as sensible use of an account. I've never heard of it being acceptable practice to give out a PIN for a stipulated amount of time or for a particular purpose for the very reason as to why this thread is in existence!

[expatinscotland]

Yikes! I hope the police prosecute.

[Moxxygirl]

Because you gave her your pin the bank will not reimburse the withdrawals.
Cut your losses , sack her and be more careful !

[HadToChangeThatName]

Igobackyears not that I don't believe everything the OP is saying, but since you have brought it up and this is the internet, are you really being wise by asking for a name?

What if there isn't a shread of truth to the thread, someone gives a name and some poor girl/woman's work is effected forever more?

It makes no sense.

[needastrongone]

I am sure that the OP knows she won't get her money back, so whether she ought to have given her PIN out is largely irrelevant.

However, she has had a crime committed against her, regardless of anything else. Which isn't her fault. Full stop.

As I said above, I was stupid to leave my bag in my car, albeit hidden, but it didn't give someone the right to smash the window and take it.

[LurkingHusband]

One of the nicer features of contactless, is you can allow use of your card for small purchases, without revealing the PIN. Where shops take contactless, obviously.

Oh, and advice to anyone reading this who lets other people have sight of their card. Memorise, then obliterate (I used a soldering iron) the last 3 digits on the signature strip. They are only ever needed for Cardholder Not Present transactions (i.e phone/internet). It's quite possible (not saying it has actually happened) that the nanny could have copied those details and ordered herself goodness knows what online. Particularly if the OP didn't spot the odd transaction going through.

[LurkingHusband]

Isn't prosecution decided by the CPS, not police ?

[Gabilan]

Re. the whole bloody PIN thing, which I'm sure the OP regrets, it's not a question of how much you trust the person you're giving the number to, it's that you invalidate the conditions of the card. Banks are quite explicit - you do not give the PIN to anyone. Whilst you, as an individual, trust your nanny/ husband/ sibling with your life/ children/ cash, the bank doesn't, as a collective, trust other people's employees and families.

I keep my PIN secret from everyone. This is not because I don't trust people (some I do, some I don't) it's so that if any money ever goes missing from my account I can tell my bank with complete honesty that only I know the PIN. And also so that if money does go missing, I'm not looking at any trusted friends/ relatives I gave the PIN to and thinking "oh shit, what if I can't trust you?"

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Roussette, my post was in response to someone saying that the fact that OP had given her PIN to the nanny would seriously weaken any prosecution case. Obviously it is careless to do that and in breach of the bank's terms, but the effect of that is that the bank doesn't have to reimburse OP, it doesn't in any way change the fact that the person misusing the PIN has committed a crime.

As for your statement that it is "actually agreeing to that person impersonating you to withdraw money and use your account": yes, that is so solely for the duration of the period for which you've permitted them to do so. If you've given someone your PIN to use once and/or for a particular purpose (as was the case here), then obviously that person is not committing a crime so long as they do it in accordance with what you agreed to. It doesn't and cannot amount to licence to use it whenever you feel like it. By the same token, giving someone the key to your house so they can water the plants while you are away isn't a licence to use your house for any other purpose, or to carry on going into the house after you get back.

The nanny may have told the Police she stole, but they weren't pressing for a prosecution were they

How do you know? OP hasn't said one way or the other.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Yes the nanny may go and do it again, but she will need references which can be refused and that speaks volumes.

That's not really a safeguard. She presumably had satisfactory references which she produced to OP. She can just say she was having a break over the last 9 months and produce her old references when she applies for another job.

[LurkingHusband]

Lurking if they assaulted you repeatedly over a period of months and affected the well being of your children, friends and other employees to boot, then I would think that yes, you would have at least a moral obligation to report it.

Which is where I was (sort of) coming from.

Personally I like to think society is give and take, and sometimes we have to give, if we want to take. In this case, stand up and do our "civic duty" where we can to ensure wrongdoers are dealt with by the law. The law we all have to live under. If people don't agree with that, then fine (it's only a personal opinion of mine). But then stop whining about how "criminals are getting away with it" on Facebook.

For various reasons, I've been called as a witness in a few incidents (car accident, theft, assault) and have always been prepared to go to court, and in the cases it was needed I did (most cases never made it to court). The most memorable was getting a phone call out of the blue from the local CID, just as I was sitting down to eat. They had a suspect in the interview room and had exhausted all possible avenues to actually disprove his statement (which was he had been "given" the stolen goods). Luckily I was able to demolish his cock-and-bull story, and they were not only able to charge him, but get him to admit the 39 other offences. So that's one scrote who at least has a record. But as the copper told me when I went to the station, there was no one else they could approach (because believe it or not, none of the property they recovered could be identified).

There is, of course, an entirely separate argument to be had as to whether the England and Wales justice system does enough to prepare/protect witnesses - especially vulnerable, frightened and confused ones. However that does nothing to change the principle that we are all responsible for justice.

[LadyStoicIsBack]

'Handing a stranger your bank card and PIN? I'm speechless.'

I'm getting a bit bored of reading posts of this ^^^ ilk over and over.

If you haven't ever either been a nanny or employed a nanny (I've done both FWIW) then you really cannot comprehend the nature of the relationship, so to analogise the nanny with a 'stranger' really is stupidity of the highest order.

When I had a Nanny I too had occasion to give her my card and pin (I was ill and couldn't get to cashpoint or shops) and not for one moment did I think it risky and here's why - given she was going to be having sole charge of THE most precious things in my life in our home, namely DC, then clearly I had vetted her to death, watched her relationship with the DC grow to the point where I felt comfortable enough going away on business trips etc and leaving her in total and sole charge of my children.

In the context of THAT level of trust, and the relationship where nanny becomes essentially part of the family, then no, it really isn't as unusual as some people think it is.

It's also fucking irrelevant

OP has been a victim of crime. End of.

Those of you victim blaming should give your heads a shake. I think some of the posts here are the tone they are simply down to the fact that the OP clearly has a reasonably affluent lifestyle. It's horrible to see.

Am so sorry this happened to you OP - please get in contact with the cleaner and explain you do now know who stole the money and you are sorry you ever had cause to need to raise the subject. Likewise I really would try and get £50 off of the nanny to repay your friend.

Why MN is turning into such a victim blaming, OP nit picking, place recently is just beyond me

[MatildaTheCat]

Some years ago my friend used a teenage babysitter who stole a Mulberry handbag from her- she even brought a rucksack with her to pop it in.

They let her off. Perhaps she has graduated?

Even though it's a pain in the tonsils it's actually a civic duty to prosecute someone like this IMO. She's a thief and even worse, in a profession where she has access to a family's entire life. She needs to be stopped and she deserves to be punished.

Have you had a really good check through all your stuff? I'd be amazed if there weren't more things missing.

[FeralBeryl]

Gah, pressed too soon. Meant to say, if you knew the likelihood was that they may go and do it again to another person.