To accuse nanny of being a thief?

[inanannypickle]

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

[Aramynta]

I think you should at least have her charged so it goes on her file OP. She can't be trusted.

I would also want her to meet up with the cleaner and make her have to go through the shame of apologising.

[ActLikeYouKnow]

Aramy she is a grown adult, not a child. The OP can hardly say ''right, you've done this so now you have to go to the cleaner and aplogise and tell her what you did''

She isn't a child who has stolen sweets for a shop

The OP has chosen not to press charges as long as she goes quietly, so I'd leave it at that.

[KitKat1985]

I have to say OP I think you are getting a pretty harsh time on here. I hope you are okay and the Nanny has left quietly this morning?

[Kit30]

Unfortunate that you've been taken advantage of but you really need to take responsibility for your own carelessness. Basic security not to hand out your PIN number and to keep track of your accounts. If you're that careless how do you know that your card hasn't been cloned? Nanny could be entirely innocent. You need to speak to your bank and check location of ATMs used. They may be somewhere that no one in your house could have accessed. My card was left for 10 minutes in a card reader at a well known supermarket. Recovered by staff member and put into safe for me to collect. Whilst ' in the safe' it was cloned/used to buy white goods at the other end of the country. Police involved at my behest ( store useless, even police said so) and staff members found to be running fraud ring. You can't be too careful. Nanny might be blameless ( any sign of increased spending on luxuries ? Extravagant 'presents' from someone?) and you could ruin her career, reputation and self worth.

[shoeaddict83]

kit have you bothered to RFTF before commenting?
Op clearly said Police have spoken with Nanny who has admitted what she has done so in what way is the nanny innocent??

[shoeaddict83]

RTFT not RFTF bloody keyboard!

[bialystockandbloom]

Wow!

Are you really just going to let her get away with this OP? The police aren't going to prosecute her even though she's admitted theft?

And what about your cleaner?

And your friend?? She stole from her too! Who's going to make it up to her - are you going to repay her?

Bloody hell I don't think I'd be quite so, um, forgiving! And the dc surely won't be actually "devastated" after only 9 months.

Can't quite believe you actually let her stay another minute in your house, let alone a night

[LagunaBubbles]

I know you say you dont want the "stress" but what kind of message does that send out - its ok to commit a crime and not face the consequences?

[LagunaBubbles]

Nanny might be blameless ( any sign of increased spending on luxuries ? Extravagant 'presents' from someone?) and you could ruin her career, reputation and self worth

Even if you dont/can tread the whole thread there is a facility where you can highlight the OPs posts only, at least read them. And then you would have seen the Nanny admitted the thefts to the Police.

[jay55]

There are consequences, the nanny has lost her job, her home and won't get a reference.

[DelphiBlue]

I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that the OP is being scolded for not pressing charges as the nanny may do it again. If someone assaults me and I don't feel able to report it is it my fault if they assault someone else? If she does it again the blame is purely hers. The OP has been through an ordeal i can understand not wanting any further stress.

[LurkingHusband]

If someone assaults me and I don't feel able to report it is it my fault if they assault someone else?

Of course if everyone did that, it would be anarchy ...

[Roussette]

No, it absolutely won't. Giving someone your PIN on one occasion doesn't imply permission to raid their bank account whenever you feel like it, and it is in any event irrelevant to the cash thefts. Plus, she's told the police she stole.

I disagree August . Banks cannot be more clear about not giving anyone your PIN. To do so is negligent and actually agreeing to that person impersonating you to withdraw money and use your account. The OP wasn't tricked into giving out her PIN, she willingly gave it to someone. The nanny may have told the Police she stole, but they weren't pressing for a prosecution were they...

[firesidechat]

The fact that the nanny had the pin may mean the bank don't give the op the money back. The court case may still go ahead, but none of us have any idea whether the case will be weakened or not. It may well be though. There is a reason that banks tell you not to share your pin.

[firesidechat]

The op made it too easy. Banks don't like that.

[sheffieldsteeler]

She might not be able to get the money back from the bank but the fact remains that the nanny took the money from OP. Whether the cash was in the bank and accessed via a cash card, or in a nightstand accessed by sticky fingers, it's the same difference. You should be able to say to a trusted employee, 'If the windowcleaner comes round, give him £20 from the petty cash jar in the kitchen' and not expect to come home to find it cleaned out.

[FeralBeryl]

Lurking if they assaulted you repeatedly over a period of months and affected the well being of your children, friends and other employees to boot, then I would think that yes, you would have at least a moral obligation to report it.

[FeralBeryl]

Gah, pressed too soon. Meant to say, if you knew the likelihood was that they may go and do it again to another person.

[MatildaTheCat]

Some years ago my friend used a teenage babysitter who stole a Mulberry handbag from her- she even brought a rucksack with her to pop it in.

They let her off. Perhaps she has graduated?

Even though it's a pain in the tonsils it's actually a civic duty to prosecute someone like this IMO. She's a thief and even worse, in a profession where she has access to a family's entire life. She needs to be stopped and she deserves to be punished.

Have you had a really good check through all your stuff? I'd be amazed if there weren't more things missing.

[LadyStoicIsBack]

'Handing a stranger your bank card and PIN? I'm speechless.'

I'm getting a bit bored of reading posts of this ^^^ ilk over and over.

If you haven't ever either been a nanny or employed a nanny (I've done both FWIW) then you really cannot comprehend the nature of the relationship, so to analogise the nanny with a 'stranger' really is stupidity of the highest order.

When I had a Nanny I too had occasion to give her my card and pin (I was ill and couldn't get to cashpoint or shops) and not for one moment did I think it risky and here's why - given she was going to be having sole charge of THE most precious things in my life in our home, namely DC, then clearly I had vetted her to death, watched her relationship with the DC grow to the point where I felt comfortable enough going away on business trips etc and leaving her in total and sole charge of my children.

In the context of THAT level of trust, and the relationship where nanny becomes essentially part of the family, then no, it really isn't as unusual as some people think it is.

It's also fucking irrelevant

OP has been a victim of crime. End of.

Those of you victim blaming should give your heads a shake. I think some of the posts here are the tone they are simply down to the fact that the OP clearly has a reasonably affluent lifestyle. It's horrible to see.

Am so sorry this happened to you OP - please get in contact with the cleaner and explain you do now know who stole the money and you are sorry you ever had cause to need to raise the subject. Likewise I really would try and get £50 off of the nanny to repay your friend.

Why MN is turning into such a victim blaming, OP nit picking, place recently is just beyond me

[LurkingHusband]

Lurking if they assaulted you repeatedly over a period of months and affected the well being of your children, friends and other employees to boot, then I would think that yes, you would have at least a moral obligation to report it.

Which is where I was (sort of) coming from.

Personally I like to think society is give and take, and sometimes we have to give, if we want to take. In this case, stand up and do our "civic duty" where we can to ensure wrongdoers are dealt with by the law. The law we all have to live under. If people don't agree with that, then fine (it's only a personal opinion of mine). But then stop whining about how "criminals are getting away with it" on Facebook.

For various reasons, I've been called as a witness in a few incidents (car accident, theft, assault) and have always been prepared to go to court, and in the cases it was needed I did (most cases never made it to court). The most memorable was getting a phone call out of the blue from the local CID, just as I was sitting down to eat. They had a suspect in the interview room and had exhausted all possible avenues to actually disprove his statement (which was he had been "given" the stolen goods). Luckily I was able to demolish his cock-and-bull story, and they were not only able to charge him, but get him to admit the 39 other offences. So that's one scrote who at least has a record. But as the copper told me when I went to the station, there was no one else they could approach (because believe it or not, none of the property they recovered could be identified).

There is, of course, an entirely separate argument to be had as to whether the England and Wales justice system does enough to prepare/protect witnesses - especially vulnerable, frightened and confused ones. However that does nothing to change the principle that we are all responsible for justice.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Yes the nanny may go and do it again, but she will need references which can be refused and that speaks volumes.

That's not really a safeguard. She presumably had satisfactory references which she produced to OP. She can just say she was having a break over the last 9 months and produce her old references when she applies for another job.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Roussette, my post was in response to someone saying that the fact that OP had given her PIN to the nanny would seriously weaken any prosecution case. Obviously it is careless to do that and in breach of the bank's terms, but the effect of that is that the bank doesn't have to reimburse OP, it doesn't in any way change the fact that the person misusing the PIN has committed a crime.

As for your statement that it is "actually agreeing to that person impersonating you to withdraw money and use your account": yes, that is so solely for the duration of the period for which you've permitted them to do so. If you've given someone your PIN to use once and/or for a particular purpose (as was the case here), then obviously that person is not committing a crime so long as they do it in accordance with what you agreed to. It doesn't and cannot amount to licence to use it whenever you feel like it. By the same token, giving someone the key to your house so they can water the plants while you are away isn't a licence to use your house for any other purpose, or to carry on going into the house after you get back.

The nanny may have told the Police she stole, but they weren't pressing for a prosecution were they

How do you know? OP hasn't said one way or the other.

[Gabilan]

Re. the whole bloody PIN thing, which I'm sure the OP regrets, it's not a question of how much you trust the person you're giving the number to, it's that you invalidate the conditions of the card. Banks are quite explicit - you do not give the PIN to anyone. Whilst you, as an individual, trust your nanny/ husband/ sibling with your life/ children/ cash, the bank doesn't, as a collective, trust other people's employees and families.

I keep my PIN secret from everyone. This is not because I don't trust people (some I do, some I don't) it's so that if any money ever goes missing from my account I can tell my bank with complete honesty that only I know the PIN. And also so that if money does go missing, I'm not looking at any trusted friends/ relatives I gave the PIN to and thinking "oh shit, what if I can't trust you?"

[LurkingHusband]

Isn't prosecution decided by the CPS, not police ?