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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accuse nanny of being a thief?

267 replies

inanannypickle · 29/02/2016 15:29

Nanny started with us 9 months ago. DD and DS absolutely adore her and will be devastated if we have to let her go. She is very good with them and helpful around the house etc. She is live in.

About six weeks after her starting we also got a new cleaner. About 3 weeks after the cleaner starting (so about 7 months ago) some money went missing out of my nightstand- £200 to be precise. DD and DS are too young to take it, DH wouldn't so after searching high and low for it for 2 days both DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then. Both protested their innocence but cleaner texted me the next day saying she was quitting so we put it down to a guilty conscience and let it go.

Nanny has also been babysitting for a friend of ours once a week. Last week she contacted me to say £50 had gone missing out of her handbag while nanny was there and that she needed to have a word with her about it. So I sent Nanny round who protested her innocence to her and while friend said she would be unable to offer her anymore work decided to let it go. I didn't mention about the £200.

Anyway- I went in my bag this morning to look for our household bank card. I hardly ever use it. Bank details are stored online for our grocery shopping and bills come out by direct debit. I think I last used it myself just before Christmas. Then remembered I gave Nanny the PIN number a few months ago when she was going out to do some last minute shopping before holiday.

Anyway I have contacted the bank who have said that there have been numerous cash withdrawals over the past few months- I have asked them to send me details to access my online banking but it sounds like over £1000 has been taken out of the account since November.

Have of course spoken to DP who hasn't done it.

AIBU to confront her?

OP posts:
bessiebumptious2 · 29/02/2016 19:14

I would feel so violated.

This ^^. Even if Nanny had been employed for over 2 years and was sacked immediately I wouldn't think there was a court in the land who would say "no, no, no, no - you should have allowed her to remain in your employ and living in your home and given her notice and tough luck if she steals all your worldly goods and teaches your children to steal whilst she's at it. Perfectly reasonable"!!

HPsauciness · 29/02/2016 19:18

But, you have no evidence she stole it. Yet.

In two out of the three situations, the DH also had access to the money and the PIN.

You can't prove at present who took it as presumably both will deny it.

The £50 again, where's the evidence it was her?

It most likely was, on the basis of the most simplest explanation being the most obvious one, but I still don't see any evidence (e.g. money found in her room, CCTV of her withdrawing money).

I guess the next step is to find the evidence (I'm guessing you don't want to go on Jeremy Kyle and all take lie detectors!)

nannynick · 29/02/2016 19:22

Your nanny payroll provider is likely to have a legal advice service, so if needed do that a call, especially about how to evict a live-in employee. Your contract will hopefully have a clause or several in it about the accommodation provision.

Evidence - it seems to me to be lacking. Circumstantial, yep lots there but no actual evidence. It does seem very suspicious though, nanny in right place at right time. Does that match up with the ATM withdrawals - do you any info on location and even better the time?

A possibility... possibly small but you never know... nanny has a friend to whom they gave the card and pin number.

At the moment how do things stand? Have you prevented further loss? Has the card been reported missing, the pin number changed and a new card being issued? Do you now not leave bundles of £200 lying around at home, instead keeping them on you or in a lockable box/safe. Prevent, then look at the cure - which may well be terminating your nannies employment.

A key point of the nanny:employer relationship is trust. You need to trust each other and this situation is causing you not to trust her. Can she be trusted, can you give her an opportunity to show she can be trusted (don't give her the new card and pin number).

pocketsaviour · 29/02/2016 19:26

DH and I had a sit down with our nanny and cleaner and explained we weren't angry and we were both willing to giving them another chance if the money was returned there and then.

For future reference OP, this is the kind of thing you do when one of your teenage kids has nicked a tenner out of your purse. It's not how to handle employees.

I suggest you take legal advice on both the employment and housing side of your nanny's case.

nannynick · 29/02/2016 19:28

ACAS: Dismissal

Wrongful dismissal could be claimed during first two years of employment I believe, so following a disciplinary procedure is still important.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 29/02/2016 19:32

I keep my spare cash in a drawer in the kitchen where I keep all my medication and chocolate.

watchingthedetectives · 29/02/2016 19:37

I have given our nanny my PIN before - she looked after our kids for 5 years and I trusted her. It was a current account so I checked it when I paid bills etc. I reasoned that if I trusted her with the kids and the worst she could do was run off with £200 it didn't seem quite as crazy as many of you suggest.
She never did though

Mumofsophie · 29/02/2016 19:40

You appear to have very strong views on what the OP should do, for someone who - by her own admission - isn't aware of the basic rules around employment hmm

Yes, I actually do know the basic rules about employment as I have run my own business with staff for more than 15 years. I have also employed a nanny. I have never had to dismiss someone for theft, however, and the live-in issue and less than two years' service may also bring in other considerations which is why I would want to check out the legal situation before acting. This is what I was referring to in my PP, and I think the OP needs to get some advice before taking action which she may later regret.

For future reference OP, this is the kind of thing you do when one of your teenage kids has nicked a tenner out of your purse. It's not how to handle employees.
^^ Exactly!!!

And let's remember that the evidence is still only circumstantial at the moment...

Coconutty · 29/02/2016 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyStoicIsBack · 29/02/2016 19:46

Elendon 'You gave someone your PIN number? Are you serious? And what is a night stand? And why would you put £200 on it?'

'This sounds like something from Downton Abbey.'

Yes elendon I too distinctly recall the cash-point in the village, it was set into the wall of the post office on the other side of the green wasn't it?

Sweetie, if (for reasons unknown) you've taken it upon yourself to try and throw serious shade at the OP then please, at least get your bloody timeline straight Grin

LadyStoicIsBack · 29/02/2016 19:49

Eeewww, now my had is full of the (married, natch) Downton actor who paid for sex with Wayne Rooney's hooker and then got a super-injunction out so none of us plebs would know and the fawning would continue

Vile creature.

TheAussieProject · 29/02/2016 20:08

Most ATM point have several security cameras, so you should be able to see her taking cash from a machine or at least pretend you have visual proof and see if this is enough for a confession

LumpishAndIllogical · 29/02/2016 20:15

£1000 to go missing, unnoticed since november seems like a lot?! Thought you would notice beforehand ?? Confused

However, it seems like you have enough money to not even check your account for 3 months!?

I would miss money going out of my account even if not using my bank card very much.

But then again I can't afford a nanny either! Grin

*genuinely confused by not noticing money disappear from account over last few months

Jux · 29/02/2016 20:23

Which one was that LadyStoic ? PM me if you don't want to make it toopublic.

TattyDevine · 29/02/2016 21:01

Awful to see people piling on saying you were daft to give the pin. I'm pretty sure you get that, with the benefit of hindsight. Lots of victim blaming here, particularly this, which smacks of jealousy:

"I have little sympathy with the fact that you can apparently afford to 'lose' £1,000 out of your bank without actually noticing, and that £200 is also easily dismissable.... If money means to little to you then yes, YABU"

Nice. Hmm She is a victim of a crime .

NewChristian · 29/02/2016 21:17

Tatty, you're right - that is victim blaming. But I think the op shouldn't have been so trusting of this nanny since the £200 went missing. She never got to the bottom of who actually took it. I think she is letting the fact her dc's love the nanny colour her view of someone who really needs to be out of the house and doesn't deserve any more chances.

KitKat1985 · 29/02/2016 21:24

Any update OP?

TattyDevine · 29/02/2016 21:27

It probably was a bit too easy to think it was the cleaner...pity the waters were so muddied with multiple staff members! Grin

I really hope you can get some justice OP. And I hope the nanny is okay too (not sympathy here, but concern that perhaps she has a drug addiction or is being blackmailed or something)

She's probably just squirreling away a house deposit though, so I hope as I taxpayer I can save her the hassle and give her a roof over her head at her majesty's pleasure.

georgetteheyersbonnet · 29/02/2016 21:36

I've never given my PIN to anyone either, not DH nor my previous partner (which whom I lived for nearly 15 years!) It wouldn't even occur to me! Do people really give PIN numbers out to other people to get cash out for them? I remember a couple of girls doing that at university with their friends, struck me as odd then!

Original poster
inanannypickle · 29/02/2016 23:26

Thank you to everyone who gave advice. Much appreciated.

Can't go into too much detail but Police have spoken with Nanny who has admitted what she has done and is leaving in the morning. A real shame and DC are going to be heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
AnthonyPandy · 29/02/2016 23:30

Can you take it any further? Will they prosecute?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 29/02/2016 23:32

So has she been charged? Why on earth is she staying the night in your house when she has stolen from it? Tell her to go to a hotel and she can come back in the morning to collect her things while you supervise.

Original poster
inanannypickle · 29/02/2016 23:35

We agreed that if Nanny left without fuss and without upsetting the children that we would leave it be.

Obviously it is a significant amount of money that has gone missing but both me and DH could do without the stress of taking it further. DH is under strain at work at the moment and I dont adapt well to stress in any circumstance so we are letting it go.

I will be getting up with the children in the morning and taking them to school (this isnt anything out of the ordinary, i do it at least once a week) and will talk to them after school when nanny has left.

DH has fortunatly been able to take a half day to ensure nanny leaves without any problems.

OP posts:
BirthdayBetty · 29/02/2016 23:41

Is she in your house tonight? I for sure wouldn't want that.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/02/2016 23:44

I can understand you not wanting the stress but the problem with letting it go is she is now free to go on and do the same thing to another family.

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