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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my DH being unreasonable or am I?

391 replies

Pregasaurusrex · 26/02/2016 17:38

We are expecting our first baby and it's not been an easy pregnancy and I am currently undergoing every test under the sun. I struggle massively with anxiety and loss of control- which I am working on. I've only told my very few close friends and work that I am expecting. We did tell a few more people after the 20 week scan. Today my husband has been into work and shown his colleagues the scan picture ( of the inside of my body!) and I found out he's been telling people for weeks and just not telling me. I really am struggling, much planned baby, but all off work, have terrible dark thoughts about my tummy getting bigger etc. Is it to much to ask, that he respects my need for privacy and tries to show some understanding. I get that exciting for him and hard for him to see me go through this. I have explained my feelings to him and asked him not to share my medical info etc - so I don't understand why he can't just keep his gob shut!

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/02/2016 17:40

With the greatest of respect, yabu. It's his baby too. He must be very excited. At what stage will you allow him to talk about it?

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2016 17:41

You're over five months pregnant and you're banning him from sharing the happy news with his work colleagues??

Creampastry · 26/02/2016 17:42

I'm afraid Yabu. His reaction is normal but you should get some help. Showing a scan photo is normal, he's not sharing medical info. I suspect the colleagues make the right noises and its forgotten.

KinkyAfro · 26/02/2016 17:42

Yabu

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2016 17:43

Please talk to your midwife or GP x

YouMakeMyDreams · 26/02/2016 17:43

Yabu sorry. You are more than half way when is he allowed to tell people. The baby will be here soon and you can't hide it then.
I really think you may need to talk to someone about this.

Original poster
Pregasaurusrex · 26/02/2016 17:45

I don't know these people! Why should they see the inside of my body, and discuss blood test results with them? I wanted to wait until after the 20 week scan- due to worries about the baby. Surely the idea is to avoid causing pregnant women unnecessary stress- even if you don't understand it, or mental health issues are involved?!

OP posts:
ridemesideways · 26/02/2016 17:45

YANBU

I have explained my feelings to him and asked him not to share my medical info

You have a condition which he is not accommodating. Are you under the perinatal mental health team?

PatriciaHolm · 26/02/2016 17:45

If he's just sharing a scan pic with colleagues, he's not staring your private medical information. You are clearly struggling, but I don't think he's being unreasonable; if he were forcing you to take part in conversations with others about the pregnancy, birth etc, yes, but you can't stop him simply telling others you are pregnant and you've had a scan.

Abed · 26/02/2016 17:45

YABVU, it's his baby too so of course he can tell people.

Annarose2014 · 26/02/2016 17:45

Yabu. Sorry.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 26/02/2016 17:46

You need to get some support for your mental health, sweetheart. x

LillyBugg · 26/02/2016 17:46

YABU. He's excited and as much as you are suffering from anxiety it's not fair to expect him to not behave the way that he is. Presumably you don't even know his work colleagues anyway. It's not like he's calling all your friends.

The 'of the inside of my body' comment is odd I'm afraid. It's not like he's parading a photo of your vagina. It's a black and white scan picture that could, quite frankly, be the inside of anyone's uterus that has a baby in it. It's not your scan picture, it's your husbands as well.

I hope your midwife is supporting you with this level of anxiety OP.

5madthings · 26/02/2016 17:47

Actually regardless of how pregnant she is the op has the right not to tell peoole or share information about her pregnancy.

Regardless of it being her husbands baby it is happening to her body, it is her medical information to disclose or not as she wishes, ditto the scan pictures she is totally within her rights to share them with nobody, even her husband if she doesn't want to.

Yes he is excited but actually it is the ops choice what information she does or does not share about her pregnancy.

ImperialBlether · 26/02/2016 17:47

If he was showing them a scan of your colon, I could understand your concerns, but this, to him, is a scan of his child, not a scan of the inside of your body. You might feel better if you speak to your GP about your anxiety.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/02/2016 17:48

You are still being unreasonable. It's not your insides. It's his baby.

itsbegginingtolook · 26/02/2016 17:48

Because it's his baby to and he has a right to be excited and tell people. And I don't get your problem with the scan nobody thinks of it as the inside of your body it's the baby there looking at.

wannaBe · 26/02/2016 17:48

Yabu.

It's his baby too, and talking about it doesn't equate to sharing your medical info.

ridemesideways · 26/02/2016 17:49

Your body, your baby, your choice.

toomuchtooold · 26/02/2016 17:49

I wonder how many of the PPs have had pregnancies where there was extensive testing/doubts over the health of the baby. (Apologies if any of you do have direct experience).

In my experience (3 miscarriages and then IVF with genetic testing) when the health of the baby is in doubt it changes everything and you have every right to control the news about the pregnancy or anything else (e.g. putting off ordering baby stuff till the last minute). If your DH had different feelings about that, he should still have discussed it with you in advance, and in my opinion your feelings should have trumped his what with you being the one who's carrying the baby.

LindyHemming · 26/02/2016 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2016 17:49

Do you have specific concerns? (Feel free to ignore I'm not being nosy but most people announce their news before 20weeks)
your black thoughts comments worries me

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2016 17:50

No-one cares what the inside of your body looks like.

Are you getting any kind of help for your anxiety?

Abed · 26/02/2016 17:50

It's not just the OP's baby.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 26/02/2016 17:50

It's his baby as well and he's excited.
I have to agree the scan is a black and white picture with a vaguely recognisable baby in all the background, not a glorious endoscopic journey into your vagina and beyond.

You run the risk of pushing him away if you continue doing this.