Is my DH being unreasonable or am I?

[Pregasaurusrex]

We are expecting our first baby and it's not been an easy pregnancy and I am currently undergoing every test under the sun. I struggle massively with anxiety and loss of control- which I am working on. I've only told my very few close friends and work that I am expecting. We did tell a few more people after the 20 week scan. Today my husband has been into work and shown his colleagues the scan picture ( of the inside of my body!) and I found out he's been telling people for weeks and just not telling me. I really am struggling, much planned baby, but all off work, have terrible dark thoughts about my tummy getting bigger etc. Is it to much to ask, that he respects my need for privacy and tries to show some understanding. I get that exciting for him and hard for him to see me go through this. I have explained my feelings to him and asked him not to share my medical info etc - so I don't understand why he can't just keep his gob shut!

Yy Bacon.

Great, another...
So people with mh shouldn't have kids?
What mental health problems would you rule kids out of then reap ?
Another client of the state... My god

Yet more mh and benefit bashing! Wondering what if any experience you have with mh reap?

I'd also like to know which out of the thousands of different conditions and severities mean someone isn't allowed to be a parent?!

Well since you ask I have had a career working in MH, housing and with adolescents with a EBD label. I said in my previous post that people with existing MH issues should not be encouraged to have children

What does "encouraged to have children" mean? Surely most people take the decision with their partners, they don't walk down the road with a petition gathering "encouragement"

I assume you actually mean that people with MH issues should be discouraged from having children.

Reap....do you really mean ALL people with MH issues?

That is laughable.

I have a six figure job in the City, do voluntary work, have a completely loving and stable relationship....and you think I shouldn't have children?

What is it that you think my children would suffer from?

Another 'mental' soon-to-be-mum here. Long-standing, medicated, generalized anxiety and, although it is making pregnancy a worrying time, I think it is going to equip me to be a wonderful parent because I understand what it is like to go through anxiety and depression (which there is a high chance any child will at some point). It has made me a more empathetic and patient person - thank god! Though maybe we should just sterilise disabled people so we have a 'perfect' race, eh?

So reap which mentalhealth illnesses are unacceptable then??
So a person suffering with anxiety shouldn't?
What about ocd?
These unacceptable?
Certainly does not mean they are unable to look after their children!
I'd rather a parent with this than one who was so judgemental.

Sophia1984 congrats! I have struggled with ocd and anxiety all my life, doesn't mean i wouldn't be a good parent! Probably mean i'd be very empathetic if my kids were natural worriers

This has become off topic from the OP.

stumblymonkey - No I don't mean "ALL people with MH issues." That would be inhuman. You have flown to an extreme assumption. Where a severe existing MH problem exists, and it is likely to have a negative impact on the mother's health and impinge on a child's life chances, then yes, I stand by my opinion that people should not be encoraged/enabled to have children.

There is plenty of research backing this up.
Compassion is a really interesting topic. Real compassion is not always immediately recognizable.

I don't think this is the forum to take this any further.
That is the wonder of Mumsnet, we can agree to differ.

reap no reap. You said people with mh problems and now you are backtracking and saying only severe ones.
I stand by my opinion that arrogant judgemental people shouldn't have kids but oh well.

Thanks kali :-)

I think my dd likes my parenting well enough! Enough to tell me without prompting that her friends are envious of the relationship we have and for me to have been told BY MH PROFESSIONALS that we have quote 'a lovely relationship'.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable because as people have said hes probably just excited as its his baby too but I also think your partner is being unreasonable as well.
It may seem strange to him that you don't want people to know but it is none the less what you want and as your partner he should respect that. Yes its his baby too but you are the one carrying it at the moment and being most directly affected by everything. If it is causing you stress he should try and understand that.
It does sound like you may be suffering from depression of some sort though. Please speak to your midwife about seeing the mental health midwife. I saw one when pregnant as I got really anxious too and it was really helpful.
I hope you can talk to your OH and make him see that you need his support whilst you are feeling like this. Im sure he didn't mean any harm and just didn't realise how much its affecting you at the moment. It is quite normal for people to show round scans this far into a pregnancy so I don't thinks its odd that he did. Obviously you need to make it very clear that altho you realise its fine for most people that it is effecting you badly and you want him not to do it.
xxx

Reap...

You can't say something incredibly offensive and stigmatising on a thread 'people with MH issues shouldn't be encouraged to have children' and then, when people counter, say that it's 'off topic'.

Perhaps if it is off topic you shouldn't have said it?

Perhaps if your real beliefs (?) are that people with SEVERE MH issues shouldn't have children you should say that instead of a blanket statement.

Perhaps if that is your opinion putting that forward on a thread about anxiety which is not (in anyone's definition) a severe mental health issue is inappropriate.