To be a bit annoyed my dgs didn't get a cuddle.

[greensatin]

I was recently staying at DDs house for a few days last week. She has a DD aged nine and a DS who is four. One of the nights I was there my DD went out for a few hours leaving me with her DP and the two little ones.

The four year old bedtime is normally 7pm and the nine year old goes a bit later. Anyway I got to tuck DGS in bed and read him a story. Nice for me and nice for him, so all was good. However, a bit later, probably because he knew I was downstairs he kept calling down for things, another story, another drink etc. His daddy kept telling me to ignore it all otherwise he'd keep it up for ages. So he shouts up the stairs to be quiet, get in bed etc and dgs starts crying ."I want my nana" . DGs daddy told me to ignore him but I just couldn't, I couldn't resist his little voice calling for me. So I went up to give him another cuddle. WIBU to do this when the father said don't. He said I shouldn't have gone up, I said I didn't want to hear him crying. Who was right.

[Borninthe60s]

Dad was right. His house. His rules. You need to apologise. Never over rule a parent.

[LalaLyra]

This is why after she does stories, a cuddle and tuck in my MIL goes for a walk. Even when DC's are staying with her she leaves FIL to it for 20 minutes.

It wouldn't be one night here. We'd have weeks and weeks of "Buuut Nanaaaaa gave me a cuddle..." after it. It took months and months of tears and tantrums to get DS into a bedtime routine that works for him. It being ruined for one cuddle would annoy me. It being ruined by someone totally disregarding my request in my own home would leave me feeling very undermined.

Also comments like "I just adore them so much" would seriously get my back up. I adore my children. That's why I'm so strict with DS's bedtimes because he has no self regulation and he feels shit the next day if he doesn't rest (last time my BIL minded him he was allowed up late and the next day he was so tired and upset he cried so hard he made himself sick).

I think you should apologise to your SIL so he knows it won't happen again. In future you should back him up, or at least go for a walk if you can't bear it.

[greensatin]

I think I've got the message that I've bu, apart from the odd few, most say that I was and I accept I was. I think maybe it was partly to do with DD not being there. She always does the baths, putting to bed and stories, her partner tends to stay on his iPad and not get involved. That's why I tend to get a bit more involved than I should when DDs not there. Sorry, I should have mentioned this before if it makes a difference.

[LalaLyra]

I don't think your DD not being there makes a difference. Your SIL was and the parent should do the parenting.

Also if your DD always dos the bedtimes and you step in when she's not there then your SIL has less chance, or less need, to actively get involved with bedtime routine. If his way doesn't work then he needs to learn to find a way that does work. On his own.

[greensatin]

Anyway thanks for all the replys. Iwbu, I agree.

[Rainbowlou1]

I wish my Mum was as accepting of her aibu-ness as you!
If I make the slightest hint that she is undermining me I get accused of picking on her and she cries so much I keep my mouth shut!x

[goldensquirrel]

He sounds lazy- not so much that you were undermining strategy more that he didn't have one!

[Witchend]

I was in hospital aged 3yo. I remember deciding that I was going to make sure dm was the last parent to leave. No staying for parents back then. So every the dn got up to go, I howled the place down, until eventually the night nurse said she had to go. Then I screamed until she was out of the door.
Now I probably sounded really distressed. I suspect dm was quite upset.

But I clearly remember the feeling of relief once she'd gone and I could just go to sleep. I can't remember why I decided why I wanted her to stay until the last minute, but it certainly wasn't real distress and was entirely me being manipulative.
It worked, so I did it every night while I was in.

[BlackBagTheBorderBinLiner]

We had one nightmare sleeper, you'd really annoy me. To have years reading books/websites, routines in place, tactics worked out. I'd probably transfer some of the bitterness of the night time battle to you, if your not with me your against me.

A 4 year old is really different to a 7 or indeed 9 year old. Did you feel the need for an extra cuddle from the DD aged 9, no? well your setting up a jealousy situation there.

I guess your not going to apologise. When one set of grandparents did this, we stopped being so open, it just was n't worth it. The kids are older now but the spare room is still out of action so they stay in a B&B down the road. I never thought 10 years ago I'd let anyone do that. then we'd shift rooms, let the GPs have our room, special food they liked etc, but as you get worn down you stop going the extra mile.

Well writing that was cathatic! I'd forgotton how bad it was night after night!

[PosieReturningParker]

I think YDNBU.

Your dsil sounds like a lazy shitbag.

[budgiegirl]

Your dsil sounds like a lazy shitbag

Wow, bit harsh Posie!

Just because he doesn't often do the bedtime routine, doesn't make him a shitbag. Maybe the OPs SIL pulls his weight in other ways.

My DH almost never does the bedtime routine. But then again, I never do the washing. DH does every bit of it, about 14 loads a week. I do bedtimes. I don't consider either of us to be shitbags.

[riverwalk]

blackbag a few assumptions there. Sorry but it's a bit hard to follow your post but I gather you're assuming...I won't apologise, I don't cuddle the nine year old, and something about spare rooms and b&bs.
I don't understand, what makes you think I don't cuddle the nine year old, or I'm not going to apologise?? Also the thing about B&bs....I don't really know what the relevance is but....they wouldn't want me in one. I go there to babysit. Why would I go in a b&b?

You're rightbudgiegirl he does pull his weight in other ways.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

I see the child went through a whole list of things to delay bedtime first before he hit on the magic word of 'nana' through trial and error and discovered that he can not only manipulate nana, she wins out against Daddy!

Useful piece of learning there!