To be a bit annoyed my dgs didn't get a cuddle.

[greensatin]

I was recently staying at DDs house for a few days last week. She has a DD aged nine and a DS who is four. One of the nights I was there my DD went out for a few hours leaving me with her DP and the two little ones.

The four year old bedtime is normally 7pm and the nine year old goes a bit later. Anyway I got to tuck DGS in bed and read him a story. Nice for me and nice for him, so all was good. However, a bit later, probably because he knew I was downstairs he kept calling down for things, another story, another drink etc. His daddy kept telling me to ignore it all otherwise he'd keep it up for ages. So he shouts up the stairs to be quiet, get in bed etc and dgs starts crying ."I want my nana" . DGs daddy told me to ignore him but I just couldn't, I couldn't resist his little voice calling for me. So I went up to give him another cuddle. WIBU to do this when the father said don't. He said I shouldn't have gone up, I said I didn't want to hear him crying. Who was right.

"If my dc was crying for a cuddle from nanny, which they have done, she could go and cuddle them to her hearts content - which she has done"

we aren't disagreeing with the cuddle, or even the bedtime, cuddle away… that's really not the point, the point is undermining the dad, not the fact the kid was cuddled

YANBU, I think it is unkind to dismiss a 4?year old's feelings or fears. Why are people so convinced it's contrived- I have a four year old and I stay with her until she drifts off. I did the same for my nearly 9 year old, he doesn't expect me to do so anymore! I remember those fears of the dark, of a dressing gown hanging on a door looking like the outline of a person, when I called out for my parents to address these fears - they were happy to reassure me. They are both very clever - not lacking in common sense at all as was suggested up thread about people who attend to their upset children!

Reverse

That's you being the typical granny. Lol. YABU

goldensquirrel I am the same with my own kids, don't do any form of controlled crying. it's not about that. It's about undermining the parent to the kid - that's not cool and causes problems and upset for the kid when they then test the boundaries to try to understand why one person they look up to is saying (by action) "don't listen to that other person you look up to".

I came on the thread all ready to go "aw, poor dgs not getting a cuddle."
Then saw what actually happened and completely back the Dad up.
You would have reallllly pissed me off with your interfering, it's absolutely not your place to do that - undermining grandparents drive me insane!

They wouldn't want me to stay in a hotel, i stay at theirs now and again to help out when DDs partners working hours crosses with DDs and they need someone to babysit. The night in question DD had to go out for her physio session.

headphones? earplugs? a stroll around the block?

essentially the kid was okay, (and face facts, didn't cry for you until he had exhausted all the other usual bedtime avoidance requests) it was YOU who wasn't coping with the not-cuddling

You stay there often. They know you. They love you and the relationship you have with your dgc. They know you'll go up. Your SIL may roll his eyes, but you it's not like you shot a guinea pig.

Think it's horrible he shouted up the stairs rather than attending to him.

When they've been pissing about for hours delaying bedtime with more and more ridiculous requests, you DO tend to not go up on every single little whim and sometimes resort to saying "be quiet and go to sleep!" up the stairs.
I've had in the past "I need a wee." I need a drink." (5 minutes later, I need a drink again." ), plus many more ridiculous questions and scenarios all in the same night.
If I was trying to knock it on the head and stop it and OP came in and did that, it'd have really wound me up! I don't do scenes, but you could bet i'd have steam silently coming out of my ears.

I think you are a lovely granny! It's one night, you can't undo a routine in one night for gods sake! Yanbu. I'd've loved a granny like you.

If you stay quite often, I think it's important you stick with their rules. When dd goes for a sleep over at her grans, I don't enforce my rules but when she used to routinely stay her to help us out, I did ask that she did as asked, because routine is important.

I do understand not being able to ignore that little voice.... I can't ignore it either

My MIL used to regularly do this. It's infuriating. One night of her undermining me would result in literally weeks of sleep refusal and DH and me having to reset all the boundaries (and DS was an expert, he'd be up til past ten most nights if let away with it) it's not the same as being spoiled by granny, the kids are older now and both get spoiled and extra sweeties and to stay up after bedtime to watch a film if they're staying over, but that's now they are past sleep refusal and will go back to the routine tomorrow as opposed to when I knew it was undoing everything we'd been trying to do. If children see that granny will ignore what mum and dad have said then surely they can too!

I think next time it's going to be earplugs on. I know I'm a soft touch where my grandkids are concerned, but like someone said up thread, cuddles will have to wait till the morning.

I think you are a lovely granny! It's one night, you can't undo a routine in one night for gods sake! Yanbu. I'd've loved a granny like you

Maybe not so much of the undoing of the routine, but the undermining of parents is seriously not on and really infuriating.
If parents say no to something, you do NOT take it upon yourself to go over their heads and make parenting decisions for them.

What I really don't get is that it's the kids who loose out and end up upset and a bit confused/unsettled when parents have been undermined on front of them…. and the particular type of grandparent who does it claims to do it because they love their grandkids….. hmm.. no. It's a very selfish act, they get the kudos of acting like good cop then don't care about the damage left to be undone when they leave the house to get back to normal - that isn't really being a soft touch at all.. that's actually being quite unkind to the KIDS

Make a treat of bedtime OP you tuck him in and give that extra cuddle, plan something exciting to do the following day with him and ask him to stay in bed like a big boy until morning.
Then pour yourself a drink and fortify yourself for whatever you've agreed to do the next day

I think it's understandable your GS wanted you. Did he settle after you went up?

Oh yes it's really unkind to comfort a crying child.
MN really is full of shit.

Have you ever been totally undermined as a parent and had your MIL/ DM or whoever completely disregard your parenting and go over your head with what they think they should be doing instead?

You sound lovely OP, as soft as a feather, but lovely. I wish my DD's GM had any interest in her at all, let alone cuddle her.

Children aren't stupid. The parents aren't stupid. They all know that Granny will pop up again on the night she is there. And when she isn't the child won't bother making a fuss.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

If my mum went up, I wouldn't think for a minute my kids would try it the next night.

usual