To be a bit annoyed my dgs didn't get a cuddle.

[greensatin]

I was recently staying at DDs house for a few days last week. She has a DD aged nine and a DS who is four. One of the nights I was there my DD went out for a few hours leaving me with her DP and the two little ones.

The four year old bedtime is normally 7pm and the nine year old goes a bit later. Anyway I got to tuck DGS in bed and read him a story. Nice for me and nice for him, so all was good. However, a bit later, probably because he knew I was downstairs he kept calling down for things, another story, another drink etc. His daddy kept telling me to ignore it all otherwise he'd keep it up for ages. So he shouts up the stairs to be quiet, get in bed etc and dgs starts crying ."I want my nana" . DGs daddy told me to ignore him but I just couldn't, I couldn't resist his little voice calling for me. So I went up to give him another cuddle. WIBU to do this when the father said don't. He said I shouldn't have gone up, I said I didn't want to hear him crying. Who was right.

[MorrisZapp]

I'd have cuddled the boy too. Nowt wrong with it.

[Terribleknitter]

Ive got a sample of one to go on and he's much older now but DS would have absolutely tried it on for bloody weeks if either of his grandmas (or anyone else has pandered to him, which is why I've voiced the opinion I did. His sisters not so much but he turned into Satan's spawn at bedtime for 3 years so I'm a little biased!

[Hygge]

You've said in your thread title that you are annoyed your DGS didn't get a cuddle, but by the end of your opening post you admit you went back up anyway and he did get another cuddle after all.

So why are you annoyed?

To be honest I don't think it's the end of the world that your DGS wanted and got another cuddle, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Also you ignored his father and undermined him in front of his children, and that is wrong.

My mother does this to me and it's annoying, and sometimes it causes trouble, and sometimes DS suffers for it because she winds him up and he gets tired and upset.

No matter how you feel, you can't go against his father and do what you like. You can disagree with him all you like, you can talk to him privately about how you don't mind going up to your DGS over and over, you can tell him how bad you felt listening to your DGS call out.

But you can't just do as you please and over-rule him in front of his children and expect him to be happy about it. Especially if he knows his son will be overtired and grumpy because of you.

[Hullygully]

Oh yes, I forgot that usual. I'll get my knickers and twist em up good.

[budgiegirl]

If my mum went up, I wouldn't think for a minute my kids would try it the next night

That might be true for your children, it might not be true for the OPs DGCs. Their father will know them best. While I can understand that its tough to hear your grandchild calling for you, it really should be up to the parent to decide if you can go to him.

OP, YABU, I'm sure your heart was in the right place, but even so, you should not ignore the parents wishes.

It's amazing how grandparents forget what it was like to settle their children at night. My own (lovely) MIL thinks we are too strict with our children, but my DH reminds her that she was much stricter with him than we ever are with ours!

[tinyterrors]

For those saying as a one off it wouldn't hurt, you clearly didn't have a child like my dd1. She was a horrific sleeper from birth, at 4 she slept through but would be up till 2am if let and then be awful the next day. Once we finally got her into a routine of settling to sleep in under an hour, even one disturbed bedtime routine would throw her off and she'd be a nightmare to settle for a week or more, which also meant a very grumpy child either at school or home and it was hell.

If it was my mil who'd gone against me like that then, awful as it is, she'd have not been invited to be there at bedtime for a very very long time.

It's not about being inflexible, it's about being on your knees with exhaustion and frustration then finally finding something that eases the nightmare. You become very protective over the routine that works.

[Hullygully]

My experience was the complete opposite. Me and dh used to wander about hopelessly holding ds until he fell asleep and then put him to bed. When we had to stay with mother for a while she said oh dear and took him away at seven, put him in his cot, rubbed his back a bit and he went to sleep. It was MAGIC.

[WitchWay]

I could understand your giving in to him if you'd been babysitting but not with his dad actually there! Completely unreasonable.

[goldensquirrel]

I think it's not a big deal. The grandparents that behave like parents with discipline and rules are not 'proper' in my mind. My brother's MIL is like this and even at her grandchildren's birthday parties will limit my niece and nephew's party food intake, removing cheesy balls from my niece and nephew's plate, insisting on them eating so many carrot sticks etc! There is no need to do this for health reasons as they're all stick thin. This is alien to my Mum who would never restrict party food and relishes having fun with them!

[greensatin]

Yes Hygge I can see where the confusion lies. I probably shouldn't have used the word annoyed, probably more upset. It was because I couldn't give him a proper cuddle, it was a hurried one, DDs partner a bit annoyed with me and dgs sobbing. It was all going on at once. I just didn't want him crying himself to sleep for the sake of one little cuddle.

[Terribleknitter]

Being a pushover and not listening to a child's parents doesn't make someone a proper grandparent!
Both my parents and IL's supported us in whatever decisions we made and if we asked them to not keep going up to the DC's they didn't.
They're proper grandparents in every way and are adored by all of the grandkids.

[Terribleknitter]

So image was annoyed about it and you could see that?
In that case definitely apologise. He might not have mentioned it because he's not sure how to word it without sounding like he's having a go at you.

[WitchWay]

He probably wouldn't have cried himself to sleep over a cuddle. He'd've stopped crying when he realised being manipulative wasn't working & then gone to sleep.

[2rebecca]

You say he was playing up because he knew you were downstairs, in that case I would have made a show of going out for a walk after putting him to bed so he knew there wasn't an audience.
You said you were there for a few days and this sounds like it was just 1 night so does sound like making a fuss when he wouldn't normally.
It sounds as though it wasn't him crying because he didn't have a cuddle as you had already read him a story and given him a cuddle and it sounds like a cuddle was one of a huge list of things he was requesting to delay going to sleep.
Next time he starts playing up just say "out for a walk bye" and leave the house, even if you quietly sneak back in after a few minutes.

[greensatin]

Well tbf he was so upset. He was tired so once he starts crying it often turns into proper sobbing. I said to DDs partner I didn't like to think of him crying himself to sleep. But I suppose earplugs are the answer for next time. I don't want to go through that again.

[RabbitSaysWoof]

No WitchWay on MN a child never manipulates, they are all in genuine distress every bloody time.

[PosieReturningParker]

How old was the crying manipulative spawn of satan child?


(Joking about the manipulative bit as I prefer to think his dad was too lazy to sort it out and so should have let you)

[PosieReturningParker]

Children don't need to cry themselves to sleep, not one of mine has ever done it. They are 13,12,9&7.

[PosieReturningParker]

And all have age appropriate bedtimes and always have had.

[goldensquirrel]

Well it depends on the age of the child but I tend to not think of my child as being, 'manipulative', it has negative connotations and I don't see my four year old or my nine year old (come to think of it) as my manipulative adversary!

[Finallyonboard]

You were VERY unreasonable and rude.

[DoJo]

I just couldn't bear to listen to him sobbing. I tried to force myself not to go up but where my GC are concerned I'm one big softy. I just adore them so much.

And do you think your son in law doesn't? Being a parent, as you must remember, means doing what's best for your kids even when it's hard for you. I'm sure most parents would rather their children never cried but sometimes you have to do something hard in the short term for the long term gain.

I am lucky that my son has never really done this, but we have had sleeping problems that would have driven us to the brink if we hadn't addressed them and be consistent. I would have found it very frustrating to a) be undermined by someone who I would hope would have my back (having done it all themselves) and b) be made to feel that the only reason I wasn't going up was because I was too tired to be bothered rather than trying to stick to a bed-time routine that worked for us all the other 350 days a year when granny isn't there.

There are certain areas where being spoilt by a grandparent is fine, but undermining a hard-won bedtime routine wouldn't be one of them for me.

[SenecaFalls]

remembering what being a parent to a young child can feel like would be more helpful.

Well as DH pointed out to our daughter: "You were never left to cry yourself to sleep, and look how well you turned out."