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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my dgs didn't get a cuddle.

190 replies

greensatin · 04/02/2016 14:44

I was recently staying at DDs house for a few days last week. She has a DD aged nine and a DS who is four. One of the nights I was there my DD went out for a few hours leaving me with her DP and the two little ones.

The four year old bedtime is normally 7pm and the nine year old goes a bit later. Anyway I got to tuck DGS in bed and read him a story. Nice for me and nice for him, so all was good. However, a bit later, probably because he knew I was downstairs he kept calling down for things, another story, another drink etc. His daddy kept telling me to ignore it all otherwise he'd keep it up for ages. So he shouts up the stairs to be quiet, get in bed etc and dgs starts crying ."I want my nana" . DGs daddy told me to ignore him but I just couldn't, I couldn't resist his little voice calling for me. So I went up to give him another cuddle. WIBU to do this when the father said don't. He said I shouldn't have gone up, I said I didn't want to hear him crying. Who was right.

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 04/02/2016 14:58

My mum does this with everything. It's infuriating. I say no, you have to pick up your wrappers and put them in the bin. Mum leaps to pick up the rubbish for them.they don't learn not to drop litter. Or dirty clothes. Or take their plate through. Or apologise ('say sorry to granny now' mum- 'it's ok I don't mind').
Unless it's a cruelty issue please don't!

Gazelda · 04/02/2016 14:59

You undermined him. I'd be annoyed at you.

Original poster
greensatin · 04/02/2016 15:00

I accept you're all probably right, it's not my place etc, I was letting my heart rule my head. It's just that he gets very upset very quickly, I just couldn't bear to listen to him sobbing. I tried to force myself not to go up but where my GC are concerned I'm one big softy. I just adore them so much. But I do accept that tired parents have routines at night.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/02/2016 15:01

I'm hoping this is one of those bloody ridiculous a reverse because you surely cannot possibly think YANBU by undermining your son in law

stayathomegardener · 04/02/2016 15:01

DD 16 and I were only talking about this the other day.
DD used to cry on purpose when Granny was staying with us as she knew she would go back in, again and again despite us asking her not to. Took us ages to get her back into a routine after she had left.
Granny wasn't encouraged to stay too often...
Think about it.

EponasWildDaughter · 04/02/2016 15:01

So have you apologised to your son in law?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/02/2016 15:02

Well you know for next time Smile

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/02/2016 15:02

Hmm you clearly DONT accept that parents have routines

AmysTiara · 04/02/2016 15:03

You were in the wrong

leelu66 · 04/02/2016 15:03

Awww it's a hard one because grandparents are there to spoil grandkids sometimes.

I would not have reproached my MIL for this.

Maybe you could have asked SIL e.g. 'I know it's your decision, but do you mind if I go up and give him a cuddle, as I'm not often here for bedtime cuddles?'

VoldysGoneMouldy · 04/02/2016 15:03

I wouldn't have left a child to cry, so I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would have given him a cuddle and told him now he needed to go to sleep, and I would come back up in X amount of time / after I've finished my coffee to give him another one.

Think it's horrible he shouted up the stairs rather than attending to him.

usual · 04/02/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buttons23 · 04/02/2016 15:04

Oh god I would be furious if my mum undermined my partner like that. He is the one that knows his son best, you shouldn't have gone up when his dad asked you not to. He is that child's parent and it's his house just as it is your daughters.

No wonder your grandson was calling for you, probably knew you would give in when daddy wouldn't.

Waypasttethersend · 04/02/2016 15:06

Well I wouldn't have left him to cry and I would expect my parents to ha e to ignore them either.

But then my 3DC are an unutterable pain in the arse at bedtime and it's all my own fault Grin

EponasWildDaughter · 04/02/2016 15:06

But it's not one night for the parents is it?

Good bed time habits break really easily.

There's nothing cruel about shouting up the stairs to a four year old to go back to bed. He'd been put to bed with a drink and a story once already.

Original poster
greensatin · 04/02/2016 15:06

No I haven't apologised, perhaps I should? but he's fine with me, we do think a lot of each other. He always says he loves me for all the good things I do for them. He also said once that he loved the relationship I had with his kids because his parents don't get involved. But now everyone's said ibu perhaps I should apologise.

OP posts:
GloGirl · 04/02/2016 15:07

Green, you sound terrible. Almost as if they aren't loved and adored and cuddled by their parents because their parents are "tired"

If you can't bear to hear him upset, go for a walk.

usual · 04/02/2016 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lunar1 · 04/02/2016 15:09

You can't go against the parent like that.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 04/02/2016 15:09

Don't apologise. Try to encourage them to be kinder to their child ffs.

Buttons23 · 04/02/2016 15:11

It's not just about it being only one night, a grandmother spoiling her grandchildren etc it's the principle. My mum spoils my ds, he eats far too many biscuits there and they have a great relationship. But if I asked her not to do something she wouldn't just ignore me or my partner and do it anyway. It's undermining the parents in front of the child.

EponasWildDaughter · 04/02/2016 15:11

Well if all seems fine then i wouldn't bring it up, no. Just don't ignore his requests next time :)

Muskateersmummy · 04/02/2016 15:12

Green, I think he will know your hearts in the right place, but maybe when you next speak to him, apologise for not respecting his rules. Flowers

Terribleknitter · 04/02/2016 15:13

You got played like a violin by your grandson OP Grin
Honestly, even if your son in law is fine with you just apologise, you could have made him feel like shit by your actions.
Consider how you would feel if your MIL had ignored your wishes when your children were young.
It's perfectly possible to be a loving Granny without being soft a pushover in their presence!

foxessocks · 04/02/2016 15:13

Ok maybe if he said don't go up there you should have listened. I'd be a bit annoyed if my mum or mil ignored me if I said absolutely don't go up there. On the other hand my dd has a habit of playing up at bedtime if her grandma is there and I kind of let me mum get on with it! So if my mum said "please can I give her another cuddle" I'd let her even if normally we wouldn't do that. But then I know my dd will behave the next night when grandma isn't there. Depends whether they have spent ages trying to drum it into the kids about bedtime being bedtime.