To be a bit annoyed my dgs didn't get a cuddle.

[greensatin]

I was recently staying at DDs house for a few days last week. She has a DD aged nine and a DS who is four. One of the nights I was there my DD went out for a few hours leaving me with her DP and the two little ones.

The four year old bedtime is normally 7pm and the nine year old goes a bit later. Anyway I got to tuck DGS in bed and read him a story. Nice for me and nice for him, so all was good. However, a bit later, probably because he knew I was downstairs he kept calling down for things, another story, another drink etc. His daddy kept telling me to ignore it all otherwise he'd keep it up for ages. So he shouts up the stairs to be quiet, get in bed etc and dgs starts crying ."I want my nana" . DGs daddy told me to ignore him but I just couldn't, I couldn't resist his little voice calling for me. So I went up to give him another cuddle. WIBU to do this when the father said don't. He said I shouldn't have gone up, I said I didn't want to hear him crying. Who was right.

[greensatin]

No glogirl you've got me wrong. I wasn't implying that. My Dgc are very much loved by their parents. I'd never ever imply otherwise.

[timemaychangeme]

I am a new grandma and in the same position wouldn't have gone to give dgs a cuddle. It's OK for us because we don't have to cope night after night with a little sleep refusnik who is trying it on so he can get a bit more attention. But his Dp do have to try nip this in the bud so he gets the message that bedtime is really bedtime.

[rememberremember]

"Encourage them to be kinder to their kid" - ha! I used to get upset quickly when my grandma was around, on purpose, because I knew i would get attention. You are being played.
And at 4 and 9 the children are perfectly old enough to behave at bedtime.

[Rainbowlou1]

My mum and mil were like this and would undermine me constantly when mine was a baby...it was so annoying and drove such a wedge between us that they ended up missing out on so much as the kids got older.

[genie1234]

My god there are some horrible inflexible people in the world!

Its one night, you did no harm and I wouldn't give it another thought. My mum and husbands mum would have done the same and I would not have a problem with it when they are staying. You sound like a lovely GM.

[Buttons23]

Voldy your post made me laugh. Encourage them to be nicer

I played up more when my grandparents were visiting. Nothing green has posted suggests the boy is a sad abused little thing needing rescuing by nan. Am sure the dad knew when his son was really upset and needed him and when he was testing bedtime because nan was there.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

What the fuck is it with people expecting their children to be like dogs and stay in their bed all night? Are we misbehaving as adults when we need a bit of comfort, a chat or a drink? He wasn't misbehaving. He was being a normal four year old, who wanted some reassurance and attention.

Parenting doesn't stop at 7pm because you've decided they should be in bed. I can't stand this bullshit attitude of bedtime being when you clock out. If a child needs a hug, they need a hug. And if they take an hour to settle, they're not misbehaving, they're being human.

[Costacoffeeplease]

Oh well, if you don't get invited back very often, you'll know why!

[MrsJayy]

Did your childrens granny overrule you when your kids were small?

[BringBackBagpuss]

YABU. I'd be angry if my DPs or DILs did the same... however if I'd left them in loco parentis, babysitting while me and DH went out, I'd leave them guidelines as to what the kids are used to, but let them enforce it how they wanted (within reason).

[Gatehouse77]

If DH or I were present then our rules apply.

If anyone is babysitting then I tell them how we do things but, ultimately, to do whatever feels right for them.

Given that your son-in-law was there, he was right. It can be just as hard for parents to hear their child crying but there in it for the long game and know tricks and techniques used. I appreciate that it was hard for you.

[Terribleknitter]

You know what if we hadn't been 'horrible' and 'inflexible' with DS he would have been awake until dawn at some points when he was 4. Sitting in bed sobbing every night with complete exhaustion was not a fun activity I can tell you!
It's not clocking off at all its trying to encourage good habits - nobody knows if the 4 year old had previously had his parents on their knees through messing them around at bedtime or being awake until the early hours.

[rememberremember]

Voldys - this isn't about treating them like dogs, it is about making sure they get enough sleep for them to be able to cope with school / nursery / life in general the next day. My kids would be up until 10pm every night given half a chance, but they are little and need their sleep.

[rememberremember]

And as far as 'clocking out' goes - path! That is when I really get on with the washing, ironing, cleaning, etc etc

[GloGirl]

Sorry, I didn't mean you sounded like a terrible person, I meant your post came across terribly about tired parents and you just needing to cuddle your GDC. You do sound like a lovely Grandma.

[0phelia]

Don't apologise. Just don't make the same mistake again.
I think OP needs a hug!

[PosieReturningParker]

You're both right!

If you're not there often I don't see why it would hurt either DGS or you to break the rules.

As for your DD going out whilst you're staying and leaving you with DP? hmmmm

[maz210]

I'm with the vast majority here and think you shouldn't have gone against your son in law, whether you agreed with him or not.

My husband and I have similar problems with my mum not respecting our house rules and undermining us, it has caused untold stress and bad feeling. Unfortunately we weren't able to get my mum to alter her behaviour so we see significantly less of her as a result to minimise the disruption. As you have an otherwise good relationship with your daughter and son in law I'm sure it wouldn't come to this but I would be very wary of going against their wishes in future.

I've felt at times that my mum would be willing to sacrifice her relationship with me as long as she can keep the unconditional worship of her grandchildren. It's all very sad and I wish I could go back and change it all now.

[Kitchencrayon]

I think overruling your SIL wasn't a smart move.

However, to be fair, in our house we don't leave our kids sobbing in bed, ever (and they're not up all hours either) so if you hadn't gone up, either I'd have gone up or sent you up there!

Your heart was in the right place, but given the rules of the house I can see why it wouldn't be appreciated.

[PosieReturningParker]

DGPs are to be played, they are adults that can give lenience and loving when everyone else is rule abiding.

Sorry but I think if you have a Grannie that you can be a little bit indulged by as a child then you have a great childhood.... I remember eating bubble gum and massive black chews when I was at my grannies, at home we hardly ate sweets.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I assume since you were staying over that you're not there often?

I don't know... Yes routine is important but so are memories and this was a one off. The child is four and I'm sure he was very excited about granny staying in his house.

Personally I would have been more flexible and let you go up. His father didn't need to make a big deal out of this.

[KatsutheClockworkOctopus]

Agree with pp that being undermined is infuriating. My ILs are all of the "he's all right" persuasion - every attempt to even mildly tell DS something is immediately contradicted. So yes YABU op, even though I'm sure you meant well.

[MrsJayy]

Tbf the boys dad asked granny to leave him the kids were playing up 1 of mine did the drink/story/ pee routine at 4drove us demented if a granny had said I'm going up it would tip me over the edge

[SenecaFalls]

OP, I'm a grandmother so I sympathize with you. The first time we were babysitting our PFB DGD (about 18 mo. at the time), my daughter had put her to bed (they were all staying at our house) and told us if she cried, just to let her and she would soon calm down. She was crying as they left the house. DH and I waited about 2 seconds a few minutes, and then went up. As soon as she saw me, her little arms went up and, of course, I melted. We took her downstairs, played with her for a while and she fell asleep in DH's arms; then we took her back up and into bed.

They'll all get over it and get back to routine. How any grandmother is expected to ignore "I want my nana", well, I just couldn't.

[kali110]

Omg treating them like dogs if my parents had seen to my every whim every time I'd called then I'd have been up well past midnight as a child!