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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit friends who have dogs and not allow dogs in my house?

205 replies

Zinni · 20/01/2016 19:18

I don't like dogs much. I'm nervous around them especially big ones that jump up.

I also find them unbearably smelly indoors and hate getting dog hair/slobber on my clothes.

Three of my friends have dogs so I don't visit them at home. I don't feel comfortable being in the same room as the dog. I also have a 4-month-old and worry the dogs might try to sniff/lick him, I don't want them near him TBH as I don't trust them and worry they might suddenly lunge at him.

So I always turn down invitations to these friends houses. I'm too Blush to explain I'm scared of the dogs! I've thought of asking them to shut dogs in another room but would this be rude?

Also my cousin is visiting soon (day-trip) to meet my son and said she will be bringing her dog, a German Shepherd cross. WIBU to insist dog stays in car?

OP posts:
GloGirl · 20/01/2016 19:21

I have a dog. YANBU.

"I'm sorry I really don't like dogs, is it possible for him to be separated for when I visit? If not I totally understand, we can meet at X for coffee?"

Totally understandable!

IndridCold · 20/01/2016 19:21

Perhaps you could tell her you are allergic to dogs.

Any reasonable dog owner who was visiting a baby would not expect to bring a dog into your house, I'm sure.

Muskateersmummy · 20/01/2016 19:23

I have a dog. I would be much happier if my friends explained they were scared of dogs than dodged coming to my home or found reasons not to visit me.

Explain your fear, your friends will I'm sure organise for their dogs to be out of the way for you when you visit and I'm sure your cousin would leave the dog at home for the day.

GloGirl · 20/01/2016 19:23

Your cousin on the other hand, you really need to broach that before she leaves her house with her dog. When she said she was bringing him that was the point to say No, not when she turns up with him.

Although to be fair it's awful to say you're bringing hour dog you should ask!!

MazzleDazzle · 20/01/2016 19:24

YANBU

I'd put it exactly how GloGirl said it.

BertrandRussell · 20/01/2016 19:24

There are some dog owners who refuse to put their dogs in a separate room when non dog fans visit "because it's his home".

But they are bonkers and you don't want to be friends with them anyway.

IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy · 20/01/2016 19:24

Dog owner here too

1 - I would never expect to be able to take my dogs to someone else's house. If I'm visiting, dogs are either with DH / ddad or kennels.

2 - I have a friend who is afraid of dogs. I lock mine away when she comes to my house - id rather she felt OK. As it happens, she's started to get used them and is happy for them to join us for a while (but not the whole visit).
I would be upset if she kept turning down invitations and wouldn't tell me why though.

MistressDeeCee · 20/01/2016 19:24

A combination of both the above replies would suffice, its better than not saying anything at all and having people think you're stand-offish. Lots of people don't much like dogs so why should it be so difficult for you to say you don't? Just let people know, end of story

AppleSetsSail · 20/01/2016 19:26

I have a dog and it wouldn't occur to me to bring her with me to a friend's house. It would be nothing but a pain in my ass.

I wouldn't want a dog other than mine in my house because in my experience dogs get a bit skittish when they're in 'foreign' houses.

As for not visiting people who have dogs - if they're old, tired, and obedient then you're probably being unreasonable. If they're running around and yapping then that's understandable.

ijustwannadance · 20/01/2016 19:26

Tell your cousin in advance that the dog won't be allowed in your house.
I don't mind dogs but would not allow anyone to bring one into my home.

Blistory · 20/01/2016 19:27

I won't lock my dog away but I'd have no problem with you explaining that you felt you couldn't visit because of it and would arrange to meet elsewhere.

Completely unreasonable to bring a dog along to your house/day out unless everyone's happy.

I don't think I'm bonkers Smile

SnuffleGruntSnorter · 20/01/2016 19:28

I have a big dog and I have a friend who is frightened of dogs. It's not a problem, she let me know and I don't bring the dog near her. She eventually asked to meet the dog as she had heard from mutual friends how gentle she was, it went ok and she has now decided that my dog is ok. I still don't bring the dog when I meet her because I want her to be comfortable.

Just tell people, they'll understand. Especially your cousin so she can arrange for a dog walker to come that day.

Lurkedforever1 · 20/01/2016 19:29

It's entirely your choice. If a friend told me they were needlesly scared of dogs, or allergic, I'd have no problem keeping mine out of the way at my house, and don't randomly assume my pets are included in invites to other people's homes. If they spouted your pathetic and precious reasons, I'd tell them to stick their friendship, and that I didn't want my dd around you and your family as I don't trust you. After all, family members and close family friends are more likely to pose a risk to your child.

Blistory · 20/01/2016 19:32

That's a bit harsh, Lurked given that the OP mentioned that she was nervous.

toastedbeagle · 20/01/2016 19:34

I'm not scared of dogs myself but wouldn't want one round my baby just in case. My PIL have two Staffies which are very boisterous and as a result I've not visited their house in 3 years! My MIL keeps saying "oh they're so good with children!" But as one of them almost got destroyed for biting another dog, I'm not inclined to test this out with my son.

I'd just be upfront and say, they make me nervous, please keep them away or we can meet elsewhere if you prefer.

willconcern · 20/01/2016 19:34

Tell your friends OP. I have a dog too, and would shut him out in the garden if you visited (or in another room if it rained). I had a friend who was terrified of my cats - I used to shut them away when she came.

As for your cousin, totally acceptable to say no dogs in the house. Or say she can't bring him. If she must bring him, stick him in the garden?

amarmai · 20/01/2016 19:34

a friend of my dd's turned up to 'borrow'[never returned] a fringed suede waist coat for halloween. I said to leave her dog in the car as my cat is afraid . She brought the dog in staring aggressively at me, took the waistcoat , did not say thanks and left in mins . She was always weird.

CocktailQueen · 20/01/2016 19:34

'Needlessly' scared of dogs, lurked? It's bonkers comments like that that give all dog owners a bad name... Are you not 'needlessly' scared of anything? Bloody rude to criticise anyone else's fears. And dogs have killed or maimed quite a lot of people...

So you'd ditch friends if they didn't like your dog?? Right.

Hmm
lljkk · 20/01/2016 19:36

I would want to try to get over my discomfort, see it as a challenge because dogs are everywhere & it's best to learn to live with them (to some extent). I would see that has a helpful thing for my child to be able to do, too. Your decision what you do, of course.

BertrandRussell · 20/01/2016 19:37

The 6ft6 birch outhouse of man who delivers our heating oil is petrified of our ridiculously soppy Border who doesn't even bark and is herself scared of champagne corks..

I shut her away when he comes. Why wouldn't I?

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 20/01/2016 19:37

If you don't mind a white lie, you could say to your friends that you have become allergic - if you say you're scared they might try and persuade you that their dogs are friendly. I'm sure any reasonable friend would offer to meet you without their dog.

I love to bring my dog with me when I go out, but I always check, and if someone says they are uncomfortable round dogs then I leave him at home.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 20/01/2016 19:38

Yanbu but be mindful when your DC is older as you don't want to pass on your phobia to them

AppleSetsSail · 20/01/2016 19:38

After all, family members and close family friends are more likely to pose a risk to your child.

This is a bit silly. Aren't you mixing up your risks? I doubt the OP's baby is at risk of being bitten by a family member, but lots of people I know have been bitten by dogs (me, for example).

My husband was bitten very close to his eye and his mother and aunt (owner of the dog) didn't speak for 10 years afterwards because she refused to put it down.

I love dogs but I can see that it's not unreasonable to not love them.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 20/01/2016 19:39

There are some dog owners who refuse to put their dogs in a separate room when non dog fans visit "because it's his home

I do this with my dog. DD's future MIL refuses to visit due to me refusing to put Ruby out of the room. She also walked out of a restaurant as I brought her along. What she forgets is Ruby is my ears. What do people do who are terrified of dogs if an assistance dog is in the vicinity?

iciclewinter · 20/01/2016 19:44

I would be much happier if my friends explained they were scared of dogs than dodged coming to my home or found reasons not to visit me.

Yes, this.