To not visit friends who have dogs and not allow dogs in my house?

[Zinni]

I don't like dogs much. I'm nervous around them especially big ones that jump up.

I also find them unbearably smelly indoors and hate getting dog hair/slobber on my clothes.

Three of my friends have dogs so I don't visit them at home. I don't feel comfortable being in the same room as the dog. I also have a 4-month-old and worry the dogs might try to sniff/lick him, I don't want them near him TBH as I don't trust them and worry they might suddenly lunge at him.

So I always turn down invitations to these friends houses. I'm too to explain I'm scared of the dogs! I've thought of asking them to shut dogs in another room but would this be rude?

Also my cousin is visiting soon (day-trip) to meet my son and said she will be bringing her dog, a German Shepherd cross. WIBU to insist dog stays in car?

leave alone for sofa eating purposes PrimeDetective

No responsible person one would leave a baby and dog alone.
No one watches their sofa like a hawk at all times, it would be quite sad.

My friend won't take her kids for walks where lots of owners take their dogs. She is scared of them.

I am scared of cats because I am highly allergic. I have to ask everyone who invites me around to theirs to let me know if they have a cat. Usually I turn down the invite unless it's a garden/summer thing.

I am more petrified of being covered in cat hair than the cat and I do feel a right tit having to explain it to new friends.

Well... i have a jumpy slobbering dog who I'm trying to civilise, but I am with you.

I don't like people bringing dogs for visits and wouldn't expect anyone to receive me with one. And yes, I tend to shut the dogs away when I have visits with toddlers/babies, but mostly because the children have not yet learned that the fluffy dog is not a toy and their mothers are too tired to keep an eye on them.

Misbehaving toddlers and children (and their mothers) who are nasty to the dogs are not invited again, we meet them in open places when I do not have to worry about them kicking my dogs or breaking things around the house. (Yes, I also have a boisterous child who once was a toddler, but I never let him be unkind to animals, so my house my rules).

prime I assume your fear of dogs is down to fear of the unknown? As you clearly know sweet fa about them or their behavior.

"prime I assume your fear of dogs is down to fear of the unknown? As you clearly know sweet fa about them or their behavior."

Lurked, it is OK not to like dogs, not to trust them or to be scared of them, you know. It doesn't make you a morally superior person to like them, or an inferior one not to!

"Its OK to ask dog owners to put their dog in another room. No reasonable person is offended by that.
Sadly that is clearly not the case"

It is the case. The key word is "reasonable". There is something about dogs that fries a bit of some people's brains. It's very odd. They can be completely rational in all other areas of their lives.............

Dog owners seem particularly blind to the fact that not everyone likes or appreciates dogs ime. I always find it weird how they expect everyone to feel the same way, often. I quite like cats and children but I am perfectly prepared to believe that plenty of people don't. I also have no desire to know how dogs think or behave as I am quite content in life having as little contact with them as possible and dont think they should live in close contact residential areas or around small children. Unlike horses, for example, which I also know sweet fa about but have no feelings either way towards.

some dog owners...we're not all the same

Some dog owners.........

I know, that's why I wrote "ime", "often" and "many"

My MIL loves her dogs more than her grandchildren.

It is a shame you are scared of dogs, they bring so much love into the world. But you are, and its probably not your fault so I would have no problem with putting my dogs outside for a short time while you visited - i couldn't do longer because they would start to bark to come in and piss the neighbours off. I also wouldn't do so in this weather because it wouldn't be fair on them, other than a breif visit.

If you were my friend i would maybe try and get you to be comfortable around my dogs, for your sake more than theirs.

The only thing i will say is, take care not to transfer your fear ontl your DC because they are going to encounter lots of dogs out and about and you don't really want them to be scared. Sensible, but not scared.

A dog stole my DD's glove this morning, the owner thought it was hysterical and told me how her dog (ok so it was a puppy but even so) managed to steal two pairs of gloves and a hat on this morning's school run. My face was a bit because while my DD loves dogs and thought this was a great laugh, the dog did catch her hand with his needle teeth (springer puppy so not that small). Imagine if that was someone not so comfortable around dogs? My DD could have been really upset - people like that really piss me off, dogs are a responsibility and they are not little humans.

YANBU not to visit friends with dogs, although I think it's sad that you can't. Nor to not accept dogs into your home. But to refuse to go to a park in case a dog puts their head into the pram? That's just silly. How can you live like that? It's not healthy. How do you cope if you meet a dog in the street? Or out walking? For your own sake, it's surely worth trying to get this fear under control because you can't avoid every dog in the country.

Regarding his unpredictability - as a dog owner, it's my job to read the signs my dog gives me - I'd be a tad miffed if a friend implied I couldn't do that as I'm also a dog trainer... However, I wouldn't force my lad on anyone, I love him too much for that. And he can be very enthusiastic in his affections (spaniel!) and not everyone appreciates his joyous slobbery toy waving or engine revving impressions (often mistaken for growling by the non-doggy) so he's generally kept away from visitors. But that's not because he's an unexploded bomb of aggression - he's just a bit whiffy...

And when I nip to the loo at the moment, he nips with me as he's currently more portable than ds . He is somewhat nonplussed by this, but cooperative!

As I said earlier, it would be quite difficult for me to shut my dogs away in another room if she had dog-phobic visitors, because one of the can open all the doors downstairs.

But I tell people we have dogs, and I hope I am sufficiently approachable that they could tell me if they disliked dogs or were scared of them, and I'd make arrangements to meet them somewhere else.

As a teenager my friend had an out of control lab. When you rang the doorbell you could hear it flinging itself against the door to get at you. When opened it would jump up. It was billed as friendly but ended up biting through my friends mothers hand. Terrifying! Never met a dog that scary since so compared to that most of my friends dogs are annoying but bearable.

Not keen on dogs personally after being bitten on the face (unprovoked) when a child. Both dog and non dog people need to be reasonable and thoughtful if both are shouldn't be these issues.

I do walk in my local park with pram (plenty of off-lead dogs) but have never had a stranger's dog approach the pram. It's different if you have a dog in your party, dog will be near pram the whole time. If she was willing to put a secure muzzle on him (the sort which prevents biting) I'd be ok with it but still wouldn't want him in my house or unmuzzled near my baby. He may well be totally disinterested in baby but I cannot take risk that he might suddenly feel jealous/threatened/irritated eg if baby cries or moves suddenly. My priority is keeping baby safe and that means not giving any large animal the chance to get near him.

He is well-trained but my cousin often jokes that he 'thinks he is boss' and he's growled at me a couple of times (once at her house I was trying to get to kitchen and he blocked me and growled until she pulled him away).

I would love to get over my anxiety around dogs. Realistically though I think I'll always be wary.

Lurked do all dogs give signs they are unhappy prior to attacking? What about cases in news where a gentle family pet has suddenly turned on a child? In many cases the child was visiting, not provoking or interacting with dog at all. Don't dogs have an innate drive to view small children as prey?

my dm's dog gave no warning sound or sign when it turned and bit me under the eye. Some dogs are unpredictable and untrustworthy. Take no chances ,op.

Nowt wrong at all having someone come over and asking they keep their dog in the car - I would just explain first (assuming you have a driveway they can park on) that you would prefer they leave the dog in the car as you aren't keen on having it in the house. If you don't have a drive way or somewhere they can keep the car in sight then you might have a problem.

If you don't want dogs in your house - I see no problem with this at all. I have two dogs myself and don't expect to take them into other peoples houses even though they are calm and quiet. Some dog owners are a bit if they expect to bring their dog in everywhere they go.

Not all dogs view babies as prey. Remember that hundreds if not thousands of years of selective breeding have gone into producing many different type of dog, with different specialisms. My own breed - cocker spaniels - are gundogs. So they must be biddable, with soft mouths, and driven by their noses! His job is to seek out and flush game to the gun, not to grab or bite a live bird.

Other dogs are bred differently and may react differently to children. But my lad is very gentle and kind with them. I have been so proud of how he has taken to having a baby in the house. So you can't and shouldn't generalise across all dogs. There are huge breed differences and they are all individuals as well.

I am always sceptical of the dogs that 'suddenly turn'. I think it's more likely that signs are missed. Very frequently I wince at the 'cute' pictures you see on social media of dogs and babies - often, the dog's body language is showing unhappiness, but people miss it. And they keep pushing and pushing - and then the dog finally can't take any more, the child gets hurt, and everyone is all surprised. Very sad. I've only known one dog genuinely suddenly turn (belonging to a fellow trainer, so a very experienced and responsible owner and no one was hurt), and it had a brain tumour.

As I've said, several times, I have no problem with anyone either not liking or being scared of dogs. I also agree it's sensible to be cautious around a relative strangers dog, as the owner may well be clueless, and therefore dangerous. And again as I've said I'd have no problem keeping my dog in another room because somebody was nervous. My objection is that if a friend asked me to put my dog in another room because they were worried it might lunge at their child, I'd not value their friendship anymore because they're saying they don't trust me.

No, dogs don't see babies as prey. Dogs are pack animals, and even when they do attack or snap, it's defence or snapping to put the lower ranking pack member in place. Again, the human is the dangerous one, not the dog. Nor do they attack unprovoked, every case I've ever heard of a dog attacking a child has involved an irresponsible human. I'm also aware a brain tumour could cause it, but never read/ heard about an actual case of it, presumably because it's so rare.

I have had dogs ever since I left home. My stepdad has a deep-seated phobia of them and for that reason I don't take them to my parents' house and if they come here I put the dogs in another room out of the way.

I also have friends that prefer not to have dogs in their houses, for various reasons ranging from fear of dogs, to dislike of dog fur/smell to having a house full of cats. Again, I have no problem with not taking my dogs to their houses.

As for dogs attacking children. I have to differ with some posters. The vast majority of dogs will give clear signals when they are uncomfortable, scared or anxious and these will gradually escalate until, if nothing is done, the dog may snap. However, there are some - and I would like to emphasise that they are in a small minority, but do exist - dogs that have been repeatedly punished for giving out warning signals such as growling, who eventually learn not to give the warning and just snap, as they feel this is their only defence.

This isn't at all common, but it does/can happen and is precisely the reason why dog owners should make sure they understand canine body language and intervene at the very first sign the dog starts to show any sign of being uncomfortable in a situation - although obviously it's even better to not put them into stupid/dangerous situations in the first place. I am another person who winces at every 'supposedly' cute fb photo and youtube video of dogs and babies/toddlers. The dogs' signals are alarmingly clear in the vast majority of those photos, but the people involved fail to read them and having been put in the same scary situation over and over, eventually some of those dogs will not be able to cope and will snap.

In both the situations above, 'dog punished into learning not to warn' and 'dog's warning signals repeatedly ignored' it is the humans that are at fault, but the dog and child/injured party that pay the price.

As for being offended that someone with a phobia of dogs might be fearful of their unpredictability. I wouldn't take it personally. It's not my lack of knowledge about dogs they are worried about, but being unable to read dogs themselves, it's perfectly understandable that they might feel they are as scary and unpredictable and many people are to dogs.

I visit clients at home and think I do a good impression of someone that likes or at least feels fondly towards dogs. Which in reality I do not. When the doorbell rings and I hear the barking my heart sinks but paste on my "isn't your dog adorable" smile...

Oh I can't stand dogs, stinking wet-nosed creatures that shit all over the bleeding pavements! It is a taboo - there's pressure to act like you don't mind dogs, and say 'oh it's fine don't worry' when they jump at you or sniff your crotch.

I have several friends with dogs (everyone seems to want one as a pet these days) and I avoid their houses now. I used to be polite and ask them to put the dog in a separate room but most dog owners I've come across seem reluctant to lock their dog in a separate room - they'll do it for five minutes but sooner or later they'll want you to 'say hello' to the dog or try to persuade you that 'he's so friendly, honestly', or try to 'help' you with your fear (they always assume you are afraid). I don't care how friendly the dog is, I don't want it near me thanks!

I prefer the honest route, i.e. let people know that you can't stand dogs. I reckon there are millions of people who pretend to be 'ok' around dogs who in reality can't stand the buggers.

I suspect that some of my friends don't really like dogs but they do that polite thing of acknowledging that my dogs are important to me and part of my life and therefore they learn to tolerate their presence in my house.

Just as I accept their behaviours, pets, families or habits that I don't really understand. It's really not that difficult to reach a compromise.

As for muzzling, it's not that simple as most dogs need to be trained to accept a muzzle.

Dogs do not suddenly snap and attack people for no good reason. dog behavior is misunderstood very often. A lot of behaviors like running up to people and jumping up on them are down to excitement, not aggression. They are unwanted and annoying behaviors that should have been prevented by the owners, but they are not dangerous. At the same time many people fail to see the subtle signs of tension in the dog, do not intervene to resolve the situation before it becomes a problem and even go as far as punishing the dog for trying to communicate its discomfort, e.g. by growling.

When you look at dog attacks you inevitably find dogs that have been poorly socialized, inadequately trained, under-exercised and left unsupervised with children - all human faults. Dogs do not see babies as pray, this is nonsensical as, at the very least, babies behave nothing like pray! Most dogs will ignore babies, some will become distressed at babies crying and should be allowed to distance themselves from the situation. By far the most dangerous period in dog-human interaction is the toddler/young child stage when the DC might try to hug and kiss the dog, or pull its tail/fur, or hit the dog, or take its food, etc.

YANBU to refuse to have dogs in your house or to refuse to be in the same room as one in someone else's house.
YABU if you have a visitor that you know has dogs to wait until they arrive to tell them that the dog isn't allowed in your house, they may have wanted to make different arrangements or not visiting at all.
Assistance dogs are a little different, a working guide dog might guide someone to your house, but once they are in and settled down with the harness off they are not working and I don't see any reason why they need to be in the same room as the other person. Other assistance dogs it would depend on how they were assisting that person and it wouldn't be fair to make 1rule for all.
Allergies is different, we keep our attic room/spare bedroom/children's playroom pet free as we do have some who visits from time to time who is allergic to cats, she can cope with antihistamines at being in other rooms with a cat, but she can't sleep if she is wheezy. ( also the room is usually far too much of a mess to let the animals in anyway.....)
Some people are phobic of all sorts of random things and just to tell them they are fine is unreasonable. I have seen someone who was phobic about cotton wool being torn !!?! And she took a job somewhere that regularly used cotton wool and everyone had to make sure that she wasn't in the. Room when they were using cotton wool.
I couldn't care how little the dog is, some little dogs are pure evil and the owners are utterly blinkered and think their little darling is wonderful even when it is actually trying to bite you (personal experience)