Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit friends who have dogs and not allow dogs in my house?

205 replies

Zinni · 20/01/2016 19:18

I don't like dogs much. I'm nervous around them especially big ones that jump up.

I also find them unbearably smelly indoors and hate getting dog hair/slobber on my clothes.

Three of my friends have dogs so I don't visit them at home. I don't feel comfortable being in the same room as the dog. I also have a 4-month-old and worry the dogs might try to sniff/lick him, I don't want them near him TBH as I don't trust them and worry they might suddenly lunge at him.

So I always turn down invitations to these friends houses. I'm too Blush to explain I'm scared of the dogs! I've thought of asking them to shut dogs in another room but would this be rude?

Also my cousin is visiting soon (day-trip) to meet my son and said she will be bringing her dog, a German Shepherd cross. WIBU to insist dog stays in car?

OP posts:
AppleSetsSail · 20/01/2016 20:19

If I could build my perfect friend, she would like dogs. But I have met many lovely people who don't like dogs. Normally I find this hard to understand but not tonight, because I just discovered that my dog has pooed on my bed.

Lindt70Percent · 20/01/2016 20:21

I have 2 dogs, one of them is pretty big. I would much rather you told me you were nervous of them and then we'd arrange to meet elsewhere or I'd keep my dogs out of the way. I'd NEVER take my dogs to someone else's house and assume they were welcome to come in without checking with them first.

DD used to have a friend who was scared of dogs so we always arranged to meet her outside of our house.

ForalltheSaints · 20/01/2016 20:23

YANBU.

Just approach it in a tactful way and suggest meeting on neutral ground.

Hihohoho1 · 20/01/2016 20:23

I think your cousin is rude to assume she can being her dog to your house.

I have a tiny yorkie and she's a family member so wouldn't shut her away, it's her house too. However she's well trained and über friendly.

If a friend was really afraid of dogs I would meet her at her house or out.

IfItsGoodEnough4ShirleyBassey · 20/01/2016 20:24

I agree that saying you're allergic is not a good idea - there are solutions to nervousness that don't apply to allergy.

Notso · 20/01/2016 20:24

The thing is though Lurked generally if someone has a fear of something the fear prevents them from thinking rationally. Written down in black and white I understand your post and can clearly see how you might feel it is a critisism of you as a dog owner.
However when ever I am faced with a big dog or a jumpy dog or a dog that is running around that rational part of me disappears and fear kicks in and I am scared the dog will hurt me or my children. My fear doesn't reflect at all how I feel about dog owners, just the dogs.

Graceymac · 20/01/2016 20:24

I am not afraid of dogs but certainly would not want them sniffing around a young child even if they are normally very docile. I would want anyone to visit me with a large dog but I would mind a small one. Saying that no one has ever arrived at my door with their dog so it's never been an issue. If you have a phobia you should address it for your own sake. CBT is very effective for the treatment of phobias. YANBU to ask a person to leave their dog at home.

PunkrockerGirl · 20/01/2016 20:26

I suppose it can work both ways MrsdeV.
I've had people diss my allergy because 'everyone's allergic to everything these days'

Graceymac · 20/01/2016 20:27

Sorry I "would" mind if a large dog came visiting but not so much a small one.

timelytess · 20/01/2016 20:29

OP, perfectly fair. Don't visit them, don't have them near you. Dogs are full of germs. I don't hate them, I just don't want one around me. Urgh.

Notso · 20/01/2016 20:30

I have a tiny yorkie and she's a family member so wouldn't shut her away, it's her house too.
I don't understand this kind of comment. I have no problem telling my husband or kids to leave a room or go out if I have friends round I want to have an uninterrupted natter with.

CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 20/01/2016 20:31

I have this problem with a good friend. I hate her dog Sad It is a big boisterous Labrador in a small house, it runs about the place getting in the way, always knocks my toddler over, drags round disgusting saliva soaked toys, there are hairs everywhere and the place despite being kept clean smells doggy. I end up making excuses not to go over. But it's so hard isn't it? Can I really say "I just hate your dog?" Without causing major upset and offence? I think if you have a general fear of all dogs then that is easier to understand and not take personally.

MrsDeVere · 20/01/2016 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slightlyglitterbrained · 20/01/2016 20:35

MrsDeVere, I am allergic to dogs and cats. Depending on my state of health, the weather, ventilation, length of visit, whether I have the opportunity to wash my hands soon afterwards, I can tolerate a certain amount of contact.

Sometimes I don't want to take the hit. So I don't. Sometimes I do.

So the amount of contact varies from "not even five minutes standing in a room they've been in jesus christ I can feel my lungs packing up now" to spending the afternoon with a slobbery dog 5 feet away and occasionally patting him (before discreetly washing off the slobber before I touched my eyes/face/anything).

That's a pretty huge range and I've never had a pet owner be patient enough to listen through the full explanation of aggravating factors, how they interact, my assessment of what current risk is blah blah blah. So I don't. I just say "oh what a lovely dog. I like dogs, but my lungs don't.", and then ask for/do what I need in that moment.

It's quite possible the SW was telling a lie. It's also quite possible my behaviour would be identical, and I wouldn't be. It's also possible that I would choose to put myself in a position where I would suffer mild discomfort. (I know my reactions well enough now that I'm unlikely to get it so wrong that I end up in A&E on a nebuliser, but I have).

Hihohoho1 · 20/01/2016 20:35

notso

Funnily enough the dog doesn't either interrupt or join in the conversation and would sleep in her basket.

If I wanted a private conversation that would actually be fine. Grin

OttiliaVonBCup · 20/01/2016 20:37

OP doesn't say she has a fear or phobia.

She says she's uncomfortable and doesn't like the smell and slobber.

It's absolutely her right not to want dogs in her house though.

Potatoface2 · 20/01/2016 20:37

i have a dog.....i dont let him jump up at visitors, i always put him in the conservatory or garden....i understand that not everyone like dogs....i dont let him all over my furniture either so people dont get covered in hair....i also would never take my dog to anyone elses house.....how rude!

MidniteScribbler · 20/01/2016 20:38

I have six dogs so I lock them away if (non-doggy) friends visit. I know they can be overwhelming to most people. That said, most of my friends are involved in dogs themselves, so usually bring their own dogs with them or a play. I wouldn't take my own dogs to someone's house if they weren't already someone who had indicated that my dogs were welcome. I adore my dogs, but I know not everyone is quite as dog obsessive as me.

I do think however that the OP needs to be careful not to pass her fear on her to child when he is older. Find a friend with a dog that you know to be well socialised around children and do work on some well supervised introductions. Four of my own dogs are certified to go in to schools and nursing homes, and come to school with me on a regular basis, so it would be rather silly to not use those dogs as a good introduction to dogs for the child. Being cautious is sensible, being fearful can lead to bigger issues when the child is older. I've seen children not able to walk in to a shopping centre because a dog is tied up outside, and if you can try and not have them carry that fear, then it is much better.

OttiliaVonBCup · 20/01/2016 20:38

Sorry cleverPlans but if someone told me they hated my dog they would not be friends anymore.

loopsylala · 20/01/2016 20:42

what if the dog was an assistance dog? would you expect the owner to leave the dog at home or in another room?

Figmentofmyimagination · 20/01/2016 20:42

My dogs (two very jolly cocker spaniels) are a bloody nuisance whenever I have visitors - barking enthusiastically and rushing about with the excitement of it all. Shamefully I often seem to end up chatting on the front door step with my guest, while the dogs have the run of the house. Not exactly ideal. Better in the evening when they are tired. Hopeless during the day.

TimeToMuskUp · 20/01/2016 20:43

We have a dog, she's pretty small and well-behaved (springer spaniel, but a dainty one, not one of those giant beefcake ones). When friends with very young children come round I have no problem popping her in the utility room; one friend's baby is 8 months old and cries every time she sees the dog. Dog goes away before they arrive and comes out when they leave. Dog isn't traumatised by it or upset; she's a dog, she lays in her bed, sniffs her backside, chews a toy and sleeps a bit.

I'd never take her to other people's houses, though, that's sort of precious isn't it? My Mum tries to bring her two vile westies to our house, I refuse to have them here and make her leave them outside. This is our home, I'm not having incontinent bitey bindogs in here riling our dog up. It's entirely unnecessary and not a little rude.

BertrandRussell · 20/01/2016 20:44

"I have a tiny yorkie and she's a family member so wouldn't shut her away, it's her house too."

ItMs my childrenMs house too- but if a friend and I want to talk without them around I will ask them to leave.

MrsDeVere · 20/01/2016 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notso · 20/01/2016 20:46

Hihohoho1 Grin but seriously some people wouldn't be able to be in the same room as your dog though so the conversation would be completely halted.