To not visit friends who have dogs and not allow dogs in my house?

[Zinni]

I don't like dogs much. I'm nervous around them especially big ones that jump up.

I also find them unbearably smelly indoors and hate getting dog hair/slobber on my clothes.

Three of my friends have dogs so I don't visit them at home. I don't feel comfortable being in the same room as the dog. I also have a 4-month-old and worry the dogs might try to sniff/lick him, I don't want them near him TBH as I don't trust them and worry they might suddenly lunge at him.

So I always turn down invitations to these friends houses. I'm too to explain I'm scared of the dogs! I've thought of asking them to shut dogs in another room but would this be rude?

Also my cousin is visiting soon (day-trip) to meet my son and said she will be bringing her dog, a German Shepherd cross. WIBU to insist dog stays in car?

YABU to leave a dog in the car all day. Just tell her. If she doesn't like it, tell her not to come. She can go to pets at home and buy a garden spike and a long lunge lead and leave it in the garden for the day (assuming that is acceptable to you). Sorry- but I'd be pissed off if my cousin didn't tell me I couldn't bring my dog and then when I got there told me I had to leave it in the car.

I think everything you've said is fine except for suggesting your cousin leaves her dog in the car, unless you pre warn her so she has a choice, she has after all let you know she's bringing the dog. Although (and I bring my dog EVERYWHERE) I think only a complete idiot would bring a large dog into a pet free house when they are there to visit a new baby.

You are a very considerate dog owner, Mrs DeV. It's your home and I absolutely respect that. Your home, your choice.
I would absolutely prefer not to be made to feel awkward about putting up with dogs in the workplace though. I think that should be a given.

A child will understand 'you go and play in the other room, so I can have a chat with my friend' - a dog won't.

We have two big dogs - if I knew a visitor was scared of dogs or nervous around them, I would try to keep the dogs away from them, but ddog2 can open doors, so it's not easy. I'd either arrange to meet them somewhere else, or arrange a time for their visit when dh could take the dogs out for the afternoon.

I wouldn't expect or ask to take my dogs to someone else's house - even if I knew they were dog lovers too - I would wait for them to suggest I brought the dogs. Dh once suggested we could take the dogs with us to stay with my mum, but I didn't even let him suggest it to her - I knew she would hate the idea.

slightly My BIL got resuscitated in A&E with breathing problems, they don't know what caused that, but ever since being in the same room that an animal has lived in his lungs don't like it ether. He can't come in my house (cat), they can't rent dog friendly holiday homes, I can't buy wool or books from my local shops for my nephews. It's making his life quite tricky.

OP YANBU, but do tell your cousin befor they leave, you can't leave dogs in cars IMO.

Totally reasonable to ask someone to not ask someone to bring their dog to your house and not be keen on them. I totally understand that you don't want to be around them and that's within your rights not to be- I think it'd be better to tell your friends rather than avoid their houses.

However, I agree with PP regarding passing on the phobia to your child- in most cases, there is nothing to be worried about. Even the odd lick won't kill anyone. In my experience, it is people who are scared of dogs who shriek and flail when they're around that scare and confuse the dog, which could lead to a problem.

Dog isn't traumatised by it or upset; she's a dog, she lays in her bed, sniffs her backside, chews a toy and sleeps a bit.

Time why do you assume that all dogs behave the same? My dog howls and barks the place down if I put her in another room, so that's certainly not something I'll be doing. Does that make me 'bonkers', Bertrand?

OP you don't have to have a dog in your house if you don't want to, but it's unreasonable to expect your cousin to leave the dog in the car after a long journey. Tell her before she comes that she can't bring the dog!

If they spouted your pathetic and precious reasons, I'd tell them to stick their friendship, and that I didn't want my dd around you and your family as I don't trust you.
Seriously? How does someone's aversion to dogs make them untrustworthy?

Personally, I don't like people who don't like dogs!
So tell me what people who don't like dogs are like? What characteristics do they have that make them so awful? Do you have to ascertain their doggie preferences before you get into conversation with them? What would happen if you thought they were a great person but then found out that due to a dog attack when they were a child, they were now terrified of being near dogs?

Assistance dogs are very well trained so I would be confident that they wouldn't jump up at me.

YANBU to not want a dog in your home but YABU to expect your cousin to leave her dog in the car. Depending on where you live, dogs can very easily become overheated and die within a short period of time even on days that don't seem 'that hot'. Where I live, it's actually illegal to do so regardless of the weather. You need to tell her asap that she will not be able to bring her dog in your house. It will be up to her to make other arrangements or cancel the visit.

Honestly, I don't understand why some people think you just can't tell someone not to bring their pets into your own home. It's not rude. I have a dog and wouldn't be at all offended if someone told me 'no'. But I'd be a bit miffed if they met me at the front door and told me.

As far as one's own dog in one's own home, that's up to the individual. We've crated ours for small children.

I think it would really be fine just to say that you are nervous of dogs. I have the same trouble with computer screens because LED light causes me eye trouble and I always find that people are very understanding when I explain. I've got used to doing it because there is really no alternative. It's surprising how helpful people can be when asked.

I went for dinner recently with a friend whom I knew wasn't a dog person, but I didn't think she totally abhorred them.

There was a man with impaired vision (I think) while guide dog kept coming under our table to get scraps. It did it about 5 times and my friend was livid with it but us a quiet person and I made a point if asking the waitress a few times to take it away.

I now realise that she hates dogs. She thinks they stink. I'm really embarrassed about the times she's come to my house and our dog has been over excited around her and her daughter. I wish she had told me.

Notso

No was half joking if someone is really genuinely scared of my yorkie then of course she would go into the kitchen.

I have an irrational fear of motorways and find driving anywhere near them terrifying and it causes me huge irritation and disruption so ones fears are there and must be respected however daft they seem to others.

However the ones who dislike a waggy tail and an offered paw as 'they don't like dog hair'are generally massive pains in all areas of life. Minute Bill splitter people.

I take my dog everywhere

I wouldn't randomly bring my dog to a friends house. He has been visiting but only to fellow doggy people.

I had a friend who was scared and I put the dog in another room when she visited.

Yanbu to ASK if they could keep you and baby say from the dog. A four month old is a very valid reason not to have dogs in the room! And only a crazy doggy person would object to your tiny baby not being near their big hairy slobbery four legged baby (and I speak as a lovely of big hairy slobbery four legged things).

The PP suggestion of saying "totally understand if not, let's meet at X" is great, as it shows you're not demanding, and you still wanna see them.

You need to tell your cousin in advance. Ywbu to let her arrive and then say the poor dog has to stay on the car. But ywnbu st all to say in advance "sorry, I don't want any dogs in my house or near me and my child, please don't bring your dog"

I have a friend who has 5 massive German Shepherds and a very small house! I have been to her house and put up with the sodding dogs ear-splitting barking, jumping up, scrabbling at me with their very muddy paws etc, but it does put me off visiting. (There is no point in trying to explain it to her - she would be terribly offended).
I really think that some dog owners just don't have any idea just how off-putting their large, smelly, noisy, hairy dogs are.....

So tell me what people who don't like dogs are like? What characteristics do they have that make them so awful?

People with genuine allergies or fear after a dog attack are one thing, but people who just don't like animals in general do seem weird to me. I had a work colleague once that hated animals. No particular reason, just a general hatred of them. I found that across the board, the person lacked any sort of empathy and I could never really relate or warm to them.

I get both sides of this because I have grown up being scared of dogs. I now have a very big one (years of debates and DH won!) which has helped me although I still am not that comfortable with other dogs. I would say firstly no one should expect they can bring their dog to someone elses house, that is nuts, and I would put the dog in another room if you were scared of it, because I understand what its like. However I would say that I am scared of dogs because my mother was, and she passed that to me, my brother is also scared of them, because my mother was, and he has passed that onto his son and daugher who won't come near my dog. However my kids, having a dog, love them. It would be great if you could get past your phobia so that your child could have a relationship with dogs instead of spending his life petrified of them as I was.

My son was very badly attacked my a family dog. (He's great with kids, would never do any harm blah blah) I was with him and years later I am still tramautised by it, can still see the blood over the walls and hear his screams. Thankfully it attacked him from the back of his head anf not his face so we keep his hair longer to cover the scars. 2 of my best friends have dogs now and one is the same breed that attacked my son, they always put the dogs away when I come to visit. I was never afraid of dogs before this and had one growing up. My friends however can appreciate that just because they love their dogs, not everyone does. Op we got our ds counselling to make sure he wouldn't grow up with a fear of dogs and it has definitely helped. YANBU.

Your cousin just informed you she's bringing her GS to your house? She is beyond rude. You don't just bring your dog along uninvited to another person's home! What planet is your cousin living on?!

Dog lover here.
If you came to my house and I had a pet dog, the dog would go to another room. Similarly, when I had a pet dog, and I had guests staying over and I knew they were scared of dogs, I sent my dog on a sleepover to my parents. No big deal.
I would say be consistent. I knew someone close to me who wouldn't let my pet dog in their house, but were too polite to say this to others so let other people bring there dog in. That pissed me off.
However, if we are talking about an assistance or service dog, tough, get over it and get on with it. The person they assist needs are greater than yours.

MrsRyan

How bloody awful for ds and you.

I hope your ds manages to get over that dreadful trauma. You know you won't.

My dd was badly injured in a fatal crash and she's getting over it. I never will.

MrsDeVere - I guess the problem is that some dog owners cannot accept that anyone might not be as crazy about their dogs as they are and can be very very persistent. I can understand someone who has to visit other people's houses as part of their job being wary about getting into a somewhat fraught conversation right at the start.

My DP loathes being around dogs. It triggers intense disgust and discomfort in him. During his breakdown, being near a dog would require him to discard clothing afterwards, spend many hours washing compulsively, and great mental distress.

Which one of us are people most likely to accommodate and least likely to badger incessantly, constantly pushing and testing boundaries despite obvious distress? Me, of course.

This is why DP loathes and despises the majority of dog owners.

Unlike scaredycat's brother, I don't have a severe allergy. I can on a good day show no visible signs at all. So I imagine at least some people think I must be lying about it. I don't recommend pretending to have an allergy - I think the OP is perfectly reasonable to tell her cousin not to bring a dog (esp a German Shepherd). But if you do have one, you're damned anyway, so .

I have a dog, If I think she's being a pain or making a guest feel uncomfortable I will put her in the garden or different room, I wouldn't dream of taking her to a friend house, not unless friend specifically asked. However I have a real phobia of spiders which I have had therapy for and I'm really trying not to pass that fear on to my DC, may be worth you thinking about not passing your fear of dogs on to your DC, fear of dogs is far worse in my opinion as normally results in said child screaming with hands in air which makes said dog even more interested in the child. On the other hand my DC aren't scared of any dogs and I have instilled in them that they must ask before they pat, it's reaching a happy medium!

Im not a dog lover, Im rather indifferent to them but can understand someone else loving one.

I also think they smell dont want one permanently in my house. I would however welcome a friend round with one.

You do sound like you have a bit of an irrational fear though and if I were you I'd try to work on getting over it.

Apologies for shit punctuation, Im multitasking :/