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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not visit friends who have dogs and not allow dogs in my house?

205 replies

Zinni · 20/01/2016 19:18

I don't like dogs much. I'm nervous around them especially big ones that jump up.

I also find them unbearably smelly indoors and hate getting dog hair/slobber on my clothes.

Three of my friends have dogs so I don't visit them at home. I don't feel comfortable being in the same room as the dog. I also have a 4-month-old and worry the dogs might try to sniff/lick him, I don't want them near him TBH as I don't trust them and worry they might suddenly lunge at him.

So I always turn down invitations to these friends houses. I'm too Blush to explain I'm scared of the dogs! I've thought of asking them to shut dogs in another room but would this be rude?

Also my cousin is visiting soon (day-trip) to meet my son and said she will be bringing her dog, a German Shepherd cross. WIBU to insist dog stays in car?

OP posts:
2rebecca · 20/01/2016 22:32

I'm not afraid of dogs but have never had a dog in my house. It's not a dog friendly house. Most of my friends work so don't tend to have dogs. No close relatives have dogs.
If anyone wants to visit me they leave the dog at home, leave it with someone else, put it in a kennel or we go out for a walk/ to a dog friendly pub with the dog depending on the occasion.

slightlyglitterbrained · 20/01/2016 22:33

Why should she work on "getting over it"? I don't get this idea.

OttiliaVonBCup · 20/01/2016 22:35

I have a funny feeling OP lit the fuse and is enjoying the fireworks.

rosewithoutthorns · 20/01/2016 22:37

Dogs etc. are everywhere and having such a fear must be awful for the OP. Dogs and owners are not going to go away so dealing with the fear will help the OP.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 20/01/2016 22:38

Yanbu. Growing up we had big dogs- a Rottweiler, Doberman and Staffie, and they were always put outside, in their crates, or elsewhere if people visited (and actually, while we ate...which I don't think I agree with on reflection...) So this would've been a given for me.

Dh's family are very "dogs are babies" people and they are never segregated in their home and they've often brought their dogs to other people's homes upon assumption that they can. I think that's not on.

And I only have cats now and they hide and don't go out with me Wink

MrsRyanGosling15 · 20/01/2016 22:45

Hihohoho thanks, he was just under 2 but is 10 now and although slightly nervous of big dogs and terrified of dogs of the same breed it's ok. Unfortunately my Mil replaced the dog that attacked him with the same breed again but sure that's a whole other thread!! I hope your daughter is ok. Things take time.

Lurkedforever1 · 20/01/2016 22:46

notso. If you saw my dog on the street (although no dog of mine has ever approached strangers) I can understand someone with a fear of dogs may well not put their faith in strangers. Just like if I'm walking, I view all drivers as potential careless ones that might hurt me or my child. But friends aren't meant to be suspicious of each other's basic safety around their kids, when they aren't even in the situation that triggers the reaction.

rosewithoutthorns · 20/01/2016 22:47

Oh god don't talk to me about cats. can't stand them Grin selfish creatures. At least dogs love their owners!

rosewithoutthorns · 20/01/2016 22:48

Mind you, I found having a hamster hard work Grin

Purplehonesty · 20/01/2016 22:51

I wouldn't mind if you told me you were frightened of dogs. I'd out ours in the utility room.
However he is an outdoor kind of dog anyway and so when people visit I don't let them bring their dogs.
I don't want random dog in my house making a mess when ddog doesn't come in much apart from to lie in front of the fire in the evening.

Lurkedforever1 · 20/01/2016 22:58

prime not liking dogs doesn't make anyone untrustworthy. But if op was calling me untrustworthy, I'd return that insult.

Where's the general idea come from that anyone is suggesting op should be ok with dogs sticking their faces in her baby's, or that anyone considers this ok as general practice? Only a dick would think that was ok.

There is actually a happy medium between being a dangerous fool who leaves babies and dogs unattended, encourages face to face contact, fails to recognise signs the dogs had enough, hasn't bothered training them etc, and being the type of precious fool who bleats about the hazards of the two being in the same room with adult supervision.

MidniteScribbler · 20/01/2016 23:03

I guess the problem is that some dog owners cannot accept that anyone might not be as crazy about their dogs as they are

I don't expect everyone to be as crazy about my dogs as I am, but I expect common courtesy. "I'm sorry, I'm really allergic/scared of dogs, are you able to put them in the yard/laundry/another room?" is fine. "Ugh, get that horrible mutt away from me, I can't stand those smelly hairy creatures, it's going to maul my baby!" is not.

Hihohoho1 · 21/01/2016 00:10

MrsRyan

How bloody crass of your mil. Ffs. Words fail

Adarajames · 21/01/2016 00:21

Essex dog training club do a very well regarded cynophobia class, free, for kids, well worth looking into if anywhere near for those with such fears

My current girl is friendly and well behaved and often goes places with me, but even if it's to my parents, who usually mind her when I'm away to occasional place she can't come, I still check each time they're ok with her coming along. She usually has free reign at home, but I've baby gates around and have popped those in doorways on odd occasion someone uncertain about dogs is around. It's fine to love dogs but respect others that don't, just be honest you're not comfortable around them though, or people won't know! Most visitors though come to see her not me, so it's not usually a problem! Grin

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 21/01/2016 01:47

I don't think dogs and babies are a good mix.

foragogo · 21/01/2016 02:07

I'm with you op, no dogs in my house. I don't really mind going to other people with dogs houses though, as long as they don't slobber all over me.

MidniteScribbler · 21/01/2016 02:59

I don't think dogs and babies are a good mix.

I don't think untrained, unsocialised and unsupervised dogs and babies are a good mix.

I have six dogs, and did so when my DS was born. I also had a litter of puppies born just one month after he was born. He is now four and has not been injured or bitten by any of my dogs. The dogs are trained, socialised and have never been left unsupervised with him. They weren't suddenly relegated to second class citizens the minute he arrived, their lives never changed. He is always supervised with them, and has been taught from a young age how to interact with them. If he ever got a bit rough, he was immediately removed from the situation and corrected As such, the dogs and him are best buddies now, we all manage to live in harmony, and no one has been hurt.

Dogs aren't the problem. Owners who don't train and supervise their pets are.

HicDraconis · 21/01/2016 03:25

I have two dogs, love them to bits and I think they're pretty well trained. I would always shut them away if a friend was coming round who didn't like dogs - they will happily lie on beanbags, dozing or chewing on rawhide sticks. They've got their own dogflap to get into the garden if needed and we are fully fenced so they can run around outside if they prefer.

I would always rather a friend told me they didn't like dogs or were nervous around them than keep refusing invitations round, I wouldn't think it at all rude for someone to ask if the dogs could be shut away. They're members of the family yes, but they aren't allowed upstairs or into a couple of rooms downstairs (they have the free run of the middle floor and a huge garden so they're not hard done by!), while human family members are.

In terms of your cousin - YABU suggesting leaving a dog in a car. They can overheat end die in a very short space of time. Yanbu to want your cousin's dog to stay somewhere that isn't in your house, could you suggest tying it up outside for a bit?

CheerfulYank · 21/01/2016 03:38

I have a dog and like them. Ours is crazy around people though (still a pup) so I'd probably put him away without being asked! I have a gate on the kitchen so he can still see everything but can't get out.

My SIL is terrified of dogs and this has been transferred to her DC being afraid of all animals. I do roll my eyes at them a bit...but also at people who refuse to lock their dogs away. :o

Itchypaws · 21/01/2016 08:15

I have a dog and always shut her in another room/garden if not too cold when friends are visiting. My only regret here is my sister has COPD and cant visit me because she struggles to breathe even more around pets. So i visit her loads instead.

Wouldnt dre of taking my dog with me when visiting friends - ever!

Original poster
Zinni · 21/01/2016 08:34

Thanks everyone

I phoned my cousin last night and said she can't bring the dog. She wasn't happy and said he would 'lie quietly in the hall' but I still don't want him in my house and explained why. She said she can't leave him at home by himself and has no-one to watch him, so can't come unless she finds someone! I suggested tying him up outside but there's no shelter if it rains. I'm not going to meet in a park or dog-friendly place, as I don't want him near baby or trying to put his head in pram!

Lurked how can you trust a dog 100%? How can you be sure you have full control over an animal's behaviour? I'd rather not risk any dog having opportunity to snap at my baby, 'trustworthy' or not.

OP posts:
Anotherusername1 · 21/01/2016 09:07

YANBU. Not RTFT but I would not allow dogs into my home, it is an animal-free space (well other than the flies, spiders etc!). I guess if had a friend who needed a guide or hearing dog I'd have to be more flexible. But not for someone's pet, they can leave it at home or in the car.

Visiting other people, well I find that people are usually quite good at putting the dog in another room or the dog might come up and have a sniff but then gets bored and goes off and I don't see it again. But if they wouldn't do that I wouldn't visit. Again if it was a hearing or a guide dog I'd have to think again but maybe just meet in a cafe or something. The situation has never arisen.

Lurkedforever1 · 21/01/2016 09:11

Because I wouldn't ever place a dog in a position where it had to resort to snapping to express itself. Dogs don't just snap for no reason. It's always provoked. Nor do they suddenly lunge at kids. They warn you plenty of times they aren't happy, and if as the adult supervising you ignore that, it's you who isn't trustworthy, not the dog. I trust all dogs, but I don't trust every owner, or every baby/ child not to accidentally provoke one, that's the only risk as far as I'm concerned.

Your reasoning of you can't be sure applies to any situation. You couldn't be sure, dog or no dog, I'm not a danger to you or your baby. You can't be sure someone won't deliberately plow up the pavement to try and harm you when you're pushing a pram. You can't be sure your partner isn't a sex offender. You can't be sure an assistance dog won't suddenly ignore its training and place it's owner in danger. But in all those areas we apply logic and figure out the probability, and decide it's actually such an unlikely risk we can discount it. Dogs are no different. Except for the fact they are quite open and straight forward about their behavior, people aren't.

Avoid your friends dogs if you want, but just remember it's the owner you are deeming untrustworthy, not the dog.

BertrandRussell · 21/01/2016 09:16

"I'm not going to meet in a park or dog-friendly place, as I don't want him near baby or trying to put his head in pram!"
Ah, right. You've even lost me now, and I am the most "keep my dog out of other people's way" dog owner I know!

Buttwing · 21/01/2016 09:17

I always put our dog in another room when people visit with the exception of a couple of friends who love her. I think it's totally reasonable to say " I feel uncomfortable around dogs is there another room he/she could go in when I come round?"

Not all houses smell of dog if they have one I'm obsessive about making sure there is no odour of dog. We have wooden floors and she's not allowed upstairs on carpet. Her bedding is wash regularly as are the floors.

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