to wonder what new wedding hell this is?

[VictorMeldrewsSocks]

My friend is getting married in April. She's gone back to her home country to do it. I have my 'save the date' card and have been waiting for the official invite to book the flights and hotel.

The invite arrived today. I've been invited to the wedding ceremony at 1.00 but not the formal reception afterwards. I am then invited to the evening do from 7.00 until 11.00 despite it going on to 1.00 am. Bearing in mind the flights alone will cost me over £800, aibu unreasonable to think it's a bit inconsiderate to not invite me to the whole thing. Especially as I'll be on my own stuck in a foreign town, knowing nobody and not speaking the language for the rest of the time.

But that's a side aibu. The new hell I'm wondering about is that the invite does not give any details of where the recption is taking place. The couple want to keep this secret until the day of the wedding. AIBaMiserableBastard in thinking that I'm not flying halfway round the world without first knowing whether or not it's spam sandwiches round her granny's house?

What a load of bollocks!
Decline the "invitation" and don't give it another thought.

I had that over xmas with a cousin getting married hundred odd miles away - invited to the ceremony and evening doo, not to the formal reception. We were to just loiter around in some random place in the middle of nowhere for a few hours until we were allowed back in. and ds wasnt invited. so it was a no from me.

I also bet there's a midnight snack being served, so they want to keep the numbers down for that! Hence 11 pm departure for some guests.

So tempting to go along, hide in the loos until the mini bus is safely on it's way, and then jump out with a big: "SURPRISE!" I wonder if security would see you out!

You haven't answered the question whether these are A-listers OP .

Get them one of those air fresheners that hang down from the rear view mirror. Your card should say: "Sorry I couldn't make it! Instead of spending money on flights to your non-event I bought a new car and am driving myself off into the sunset!"

Over a decade ago I had an invite like this.

Expect DH had a full one and I didn't realise the difference - though were separate invites.

Wasn't abroad but other end of county - DH wanted to go and I hadn't realised the difference in invites. Got down there realised - Okay go to wedding make my own way back then see DH in evening do - not ideal.

Then brides family instead wasn't room in church - so spent entire time in hotel room in middle of no where with no transport - then had to endure being patronised at evening do by couple and mutual friends.

Take my advice - don't go.

Could the 11/1 discrepancy be a misprint on one or other invite?

Send a reply like "You are hilarious, always a good laugh. I did secretly think WTF when I received the scraggy bit of paper invite- you nearly got me. Seen *'s copy of the real invite now, sounds like you are making an effort. I've got bingo that night so I obviously can't make it. Posted my 'version' of invite to facebook- most original practical joke I've seen in a while. Hope the surprise venue is as good a practical joke, you cad you."

lostinTheWash am even more at your story. Giving a couple differing 'levels' of invitation?

I always think it's bad enough when only one half of a couple is invited. Where, for example, the bride has invited all her friends, but none of the partners (whom she may or may not know). So you have to spend weekend as Billy-no-mates with people you only half know or last spoke to 15 years ago.

I wish people planning weddings would be considerate towards their guests and try to ensure they will feel comfortable and have a good a time as possible, rather than treating them like posable accessories on their stage. Otherwise why invite them? You can always elope and completely please yourself.

Its funny how you remember a bad wedding much longer than you remember a good one. LostintheWash is a good example. It's such a false economy to treat guests badly. They will never remember how pretty the bride looked or the first dance if they are hungry, lonely, or made to feel like C-listers.

Miss, I dont think I know what a hood wedding is, lol.

No, seriously, the two I've been to with guest comfort as priority were still very long. Possibly the second one just felt like it because the lead singer of the bad was drunk and only wanted to sing maudlin dirges. The bride and groom said they were too tired to care. Boring music is a bummer.

Good, not hood, sorry!

By hood wedding I assumed you meant some sort of dodgy ghetto wedding in the bad part of town.

The best wedding I went to had posh fish n chips as the wedding breakfast, an open bar, and no speeches. Amazing! Neither the bride or groom were the sort of people who wanted to be the centre of attention, and so things were kept very low key.

lost wtf were the bride and groom playing at, sending husband and wife A and B list invites, beyond rude. Did you not realise before, I would have stayed at home, disgusting behaviour.

No idea Aeroflot and didn't ask - I'd have been happy for DH go by himself since having DC it's often we don't go or just he does.

I suspect it was perhaps a token invite DH had known them longer and was closer to them - and I didn't realise that and was therefore seen to be in the wrong.

I did feel bloody awkward and a bit thick at the time and resented paying out money to sit in a hotel room by myself.

at different invites for spouses!

Not, my parents have been to a hood wedding in that case. They said it was deeply dull with the additional worry of leaving the pub to walk to the station....it was one of those odd pockets of town where you can go from regular streets to streets that terrify you within twenty seconds, they might have declined the invite if they'd known.

Mum said she was thinking "if only we were still mobile enough to just leg it to the station!" Think the pub let the couple have the private room for free, only affordable way for bride and groom to invite everyone. But they wanted to be sure no one paid a penny, so good pub grub and all drinks paid by bride and groom.

Worst wedding I ever went to was one where the bride's shoes cost upwards of 2k, table flowers £1680, dress 5k, but not even a Diet Coke to be had for free. And of course they started at 11 and not a morsel of food appeared till 6pm. And of course they're divorced, he only married her for hard earned money anyway.

lostinthewash I think your DH should have stuck with you and not left you sitting by yourself while he enjoyed the wedding.

I love weddings, but that would be a definite no way.yanbu.

Loved reading this thread and obviously your answer should be nay nay and thrice nay!

But afterwards please please ask your friend to tell you how the different end times was managed and let us know!!

I find it really interesting that the prevailing thought is that evening only invites are rude but not inviting the whole family is acceptable.

Certainly I have to agree with second I think it was. The usual form where I'm from when was invites to reception, usually family only or evening do which included all the reception people and usually was friends orientated.

Everyone who was invited to the reception would be expected to go to the church, anyone else could go to the church if they wanted.

I've been to loads of weddings church only! never once thought an evening invite was rude!

I was at a wedding once where the B&G left the reception to go,out with their friends, leaving us all awkwardly sat there. Early evening too!

Head, I don't think many, or any? posters think "evening only" is rude. What is rude is the pressure to be at the service, then go off and feed yourself or whatever, then back again for a party.

I think that evening only invitations are perfectly acceptable , under certain circumstances . Those are

• if the guest live near the venue - you cannot expect guests to travel hundreds of miles for what is basically a party

• guests are not elderly or close relatives of the bride or groom

I think it's more usual for evening guests to be in the wider social circle of the B and G , such as work colleagues, neighbours or university friends

But I've always found it awful to attend an evening do. You rock up at 7.30 ish and the main party are already drunk and a bit jaded. The proper food is gone and there's usually just a few nibbles and an expensive bar. I'd rather go to a party at a later date when everyone is fresher.

I don't like "evening only" invitations. I'd like to see my friend/family member/neighbour/colleague actually get married, and be there at the wedding itself. I see the afternoon as hospitality for the people who turned up to the ceremony. But I am probably old fashioned!

(and likewise the evening)